Fern-Seed & Elephants

Spies and Prostitute - Joshua 2

2009-11-25T10:01:00.019+08:00

The operation is underway. The operatives - two spies from the Israelites' camp. This will give them information needed to conquer the land.

One may think... "Wait a minute. Doesn't this move sound familiar? Four decades ago in Numbers 13, Moses sent 12 spies to Canaan, and only (a much-younger) Joshua & Caleb came back with a favourable Minority Report?" And we all know that the Israelites believed the majority report of the 10 unbelieving spies, and alas, everyone had to wander the desert till the entire generation died. In a span of 40 years.

We must understand, that in Numbers 13, the Israelites' motivation for the spying trip was based on their lack of belief. Compare it with Deut 1:21-23. Acting on unbelief yielded disastrous results.

This time is different. In Joshua 2, the spies were sent out as part of a military strategy which was common in its day. We see a totally different attitude here. And the difference was belief. Faith in God does not just wait for the promise to be plopped on one's lap. Man's responsibility and God's sovereignty work in tandem to achieve God's purposes.

Chapter 2

Observations

V2 - v7 - the spies on assignment lodged at the house of Rahab, a prostitute. It was probably the epicenter of news and happenings, where they could gather much "from the ground". However, their presence did not go unnoticed. The King of Jericho sniffed them out, and ordered Rahab to cough them out. Rahab, in a surprising move, not only protected the enemy spies, but helped them escape and sent her King's men on a wild goose chase in the opposite direction! One may wonder what had possessed her to do that. After all, isn't she a harlot... with a dubious moral persuasion?

v8 explains it. Rahab said, "I know the the LORD...." Rahab referred to Yahweh, which indicated that she had come to faith in the living God (v 11). God had graciously opened the heart of a pagan prostitute to accept Him as Lord. And besides, Rahab and all of the people in her land are melting in fear because they heard of what Yahweh had done in the desert 40 years ago - parting the Red Sea, providing manna, pillar of fire by night and cloud by day, etc etc!

When God deals with believers, our lives are on display to an unbelieving world; so that they too can see the workings of the living God and come to faith in Him.

Lest we wonder why God would choose to include a prostitute in such an important role in history, let's not forget that we are all harlots - according to Hosea. We just sell ourselves to different masters.

Then it gets better. Rahab lies in order to save the spies in V4. So now, is lying an acceptable course of action to fulfill God's plan? For a greater good? To prevent a greater evil?

The Bible clearly condemns lying (Ex 20:16, Jer 9:4-9, Zech 8:16, Eph 4:25). This is told by God Himself, who cannot lie (Num 23:19). But Rahab had been praised for her actions (Josh 6:22-25, Heb 11:31, James 2:25).
And her actions made her an ancestor to the Lord Jesus (Matt 1:5)

Either her lie was:

1. not a sin
2. a sin that was excusable
3. a sin that was not excusable.

#1 will say that sometimes, "the loving thing" is all that matters, ie, a "little lie" told in the name of love is no sin. In fact, it is the right thing to do.

#2 says that the lie is excusable because of a greater value - the lives of the spies were at stake. Those who hold this view believes that some sins are worse than others, and sometimes a person has to choose among them. In Rahab's case, the necessity of saving the lives of the spies has a higher value than truth.

#3 says... a lie is a lie. Rahab's action was wrong. Rahab has sinned no matter how noble her intentions were. However, her sin is understandable because she lacked knowledge of Yahweh. She did wrong but she did not know any better.

Thoughts

We must be careful to make a distinction between Rahab's faith and the way she expressed it. The Bible praises Rahab for her faith, not because of her lying. Her actions would have been more noble had she protected the spies in some other fashion, but as it was, she did the best she could. She believed in God and strove to honour Him and His people. That is what draws her praise. (Nelson's NKJV)

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A New Beginning - Joshua 1

2009-11-24T14:06:00.021+08:00

What is it about?

People have problems with the book of Joshua. Can't blame them, though. With accounts like shouting till the walls of Jericho fell; the sun standing still for almost one day; the river Jordan halted during overflow season... you would think these things should just be kept in their 'proper' places - in myths and fables.

Thus, some have developed a tendency to treat the Bible as a book of good morals, you know, the contents may not necessarily be all true... but useful as a book to base good practices on. Kinda like Aesop's fables. The dog with the bone was metaphorically reflecting mankind's greed and insatiable hunger for what is perceived to be greener on the other side of the pasture.

But we are not going to get away so easily. 2 Tim 3:16 says that all Scripture is God-breathed and useful for doctrine, reproof, correction and instruction in righteousness...." Which means, if you are going to accept the Bible as true, then it is all true. Likewise the opposite.

No compartmentalising, friends. Anyways, back to Joshua.

It has been a while. Forty years or so, since Moses had led Israel out of Egypt. Even longer then, had God's promises been made to Abraham (Gen 12). Since then, Israel's family had grown from a pre-Egypt band of 70-odd people, to a couple of million in post-Egypt; had a few hiccups and spent a long 400-year hiatus in slavery. But God's plan and promises are still moving along.

We had journeyed with the Israelites in Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers and Deuteronomy - the Pentateuch or first five books of the Bible (the Jewish holy book, Torah bears similarity). And now, in Joshua, Israel is finally perched on the verge of the fulfillment of God's promise made so very long ago. Many generations had lived and died since then. But that has not stopped God's promise from fulfillment. God sees in millennias, whereas humans see in years. We need to tweak our perspective to God's. That is why the heros of faith in Hebrews 11 are lauded. Their belief outlived them.

You would be forgiven for thinking that Joshua is the 6th book of the Pentateuch. It follows in immediate succession the (mis)adventures of Israel from the last event in Deuteronomy. This is where God called Joshua to lead and invade in the conquest of possessing the enemy's land. But more than that, this has issues that touch our lives and faith today.

Joshua marks new beginnings for God's people, and many believers today need a new beginning.

Observations

Chapter 1

The book begins by God informing Joshua, Moses' aide, that the latter is dead. The past is gone. Along with that, came God's charge to Joshua as the new leader. V2 - 5 God reassures Joshua of his promises. The thing to note however, is that God said, "as I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will not leave you nor forsake you." This must have meant a lot to Joshua, who had personally witnessed the LORD's dealings directly with Moses, and was wowed and awed. God graciously encouraged His servant and reminded him of obedience. The same thing is still true today - true success in life cannot occur apart from knowing and doing the will of God.

The words "be strong and of good courage" appear four times in this chapter. Walking by faith and not by sight needs the potent combo of strength and courage. After all that's been said and done... there is only one way to go - obedience and trust in God, even in the face of impossibility.

Thoughts

I wonder if we need a new beginning today, in our lives, careers, finances, relationships? If so, the way is still the same - via obedience, faith and trust in the Lord through Jesus Christ, our Joshua.

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Unforgettable Concert

2009-11-18T13:52:00.006+08:00

Grace, myself, Crystal and Ivy - at the concert

So there I was, waiting outside the KLCC (Convention Centre) entrance, straining my eyes to make sure I don't miss the royal car when it arrives. Never mind that it was raining cats and dogs, and the sheets of rain pelting at the headlights made it impossible to read the car number plates.

I was all dolled up and on my toes. Ready to spring into action when the Tengku Puteri (Princess) and her husband step out of their car.

My job for the evening was to escort their majesties for the evening at the royal charity concert, which was held alongside the birthday of the Sultan of Selangor.

Other than making sure the Tengku Puteri (Sultan's sister), Tengku Zatasha (Sultan's daughter) AND their spouses were seated correctly according to protocol, I had to memorise their routes inside the building, and the timing at which they would arrive. On top of that, they had separate seating arrangements in the VIP holding room, banquet halls and concert hall. *sweat* However, trying to memorise their names takes the cake. I don't think I had to cram in so much info in such limited time since studying law in college.

That was the ugh part.

The yay part was that the Princess and her husband (who happens to be the younger brother of the previous Agung -King)were among the friendliest and chattiest people I have met. They initiated conversation about the weather, concert crowds and of course.... Malaysian traffic!

Nice people.

So, as I was waiting on them, I had a thought.

It takes so much planning, detail and attention just to get ready to greet the royal family of a state in Malaysia. And truly so, we should accord them the highest honour as rulers of the land. What then, should our attitude be when we get ready to meet the King of kings?

My friend says "God doesn't have protocols for us." While that is true, I think we have generally lost the sense of awe, reverence and anticipation. We had - not that it is entirely bad - become too familiar with the God of the Universe.

Another friend commented that I wear crocs to church (being too casual). What he did not realise was, I would have worn crocs to the royal concert too, if not for the vehement protests of those around me.

What now? Do we dress up for church?

I do not have a fixed conclusion on this matter. This is part of a continuing search to know the character of God, of which I feel, where relationship matters most. In the words of St Augustine... "Love God and do as you please."

All this happened at the "Unforgettable" Konsert Amal DiRaja with Sean Ghazi, Estee and Eugene Pok with the KL Festival Symphony Orchestra in Kuala Lumpur, on 15th Nov 2009.

Lazy Discipline

2009-04-06T14:32:00.006+08:00

I came back from Chiangmai a wreck. Actually correction: I arrived and departed Chiangmai a wreck.

During my 8 days in the old capital of Thailand, I slept a grand total of 3 nights and stayed up the rest of the nights engaged in er - confrontation of sorts (We'll get into that later). Suffice to say that I was really exhausted when I hit the KL airport last Thursday. So tired I slept 3 days in a row. I did manage to wake up and get to church on Sunday though.

Now I am supposed to get cracking on some stories... and preparation for bible classes this weekend.

I wish (I really do) that I could wake up every morning raring to dig into study books, fired-up to pray and immerse myself in bible truths. Truth is, discipline is so darned hard. I've gotta make myself do it, and sometimes (most times!) I've gotta admit... it adds up to a really lame effort on my part. And it doesn't help when James says those who teach are held to greater accountability. Great motivation, huh?

So it really encourages me to watch my friend. She, in my estimation, is one of the sharper tools in the shed of the Word. She lives simply (the downward-mobile type), takes care of her ageing mom, is all passionate about missions and has no pretense about her. She is like a "sifu"... I would throw her a question and the answer, even though not new, boomerangs back with a profound ring to it. She's also an excellent bible teacher. And 60.

So, in the mornings and evenings when I switch on the pc and stare at the thick books next to it, I am comforted by the fact that my friend has gone through a similar pile, perhaps even higher. And when I realise how she still goes through the rigourous discipline of self-study, yet makes it seem so effortless, I see an art form mastered with the help of the Spirit, cradled by the passage of time.

I am learning.

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Where We Truly Belong... Revelation Lesson 12 (End)

2009-03-20T18:37:00.006+08:00

By all accounts, we should not be really surprised at how Revelation would end. It is, after all, a majestic book that promises much hope for the believing child of God. It spells out the final state of affairs, speaks of a guaranteed place in heaven - man's true home, and more importantly, God's design and plan for all things.

Chapters 21 and 22 fits the style of apocalypse literature, and should be read in parts. The beginning of chapter 21 consists of three "trailers" that would end in 21:5. These "trailers" would be fully expanded subsequently till the end of the book.

A more understandable reading plan would look like:

HOLY CITY - Intro in 21:1-2, fully expanded in 21:9-21
GOD WITH MAN - Intro in 21:3-4, fully expanded in 21:22 - 27
ALL THINGS NEW - Intro in 21:4-5, fully expanded in 22:1-5

Observations
Chapter 21

Revelation ends with the beginning of a magnificent new heaven and earth. The descriptions are vivid, sometimes even of a material kind. Streets paved with gold, gates made of pearls, etc. However we must not think John is saying the New Jerusalem would be as material as our earthly cities. John was merely using the language his readers can understand to indicate the utmost value of the New City. He is concerned with spiritual states, and not earthly realities.

Herein lies the crux message of John's prophecies. Only in the light of New Jerusalem, can the earthly splendours of Babylon be seen for what it is - tarty, gaudy seductions of a whore. In a series of vivid metaphors, John gives us important truths about the life to come.

v9-11. The marriage has arrived. The New City descended from above. It owes its existence to the condescension of God and not the efforts of man. It has the glory of God and its brilliance comes from God.

v12-13. Surrounded by a high wall, the City is secure and its gates are never shut (v25). Angels stand as gatekeepers on the 12 gates, which are inscribed the 12 tribes of Israel. Israel's high calling is honoured. There are 3 gates each in the north, south, east and west. Compare this to Israel's encampment in Numbers 2.

v14. Under the wall are 12 foundations bearing the names of the Apostles. This again signifies that Israel of the Old Testament (OT) and the Church are included in God's final scheme of things.

v15. The City is measured and found to be a perfect cube, measuring 12,000 stadia (approx 1,500 miles). The Holy of Holies in the OT's tabernacle is a perfect cube. Now, 12,000 stadia would be the distance from Kuala Lumpur to Macau, Adelaide to Darwin, or Delhi to Yangon. John was trying to relay the magnitude, and not the exact measurements. The size of this city boggles the mind. It can only mean that there is room for all.

v17-21. The heavenly city is built from every kind of precious stone, from the most costly material. Again, these are metaphors for the value of the city. There wasn't enough in the language to describe the true value of the city, therefore John used the highest that readers could relate to.

V22-27. This city does not need a temple, nor does it need light. God Himself is the sanctuary and illumination. The gates of this city do not shut, nor will darkness enter it. Nations and kings will bring homage. Anyone who does what is shameful and deceitful will not enter it. It is important that people speak truth and act truly.

Observations
Chapter 22

River. Tree of life. Fruit. If we look carefully, this picture resembles the garden of Eden. In fact, the last 3 chapters of Revelation somewhat mirrors the first 3 chapters of Genesis. In the final state of things, God will restore everything to what it was in the beginning. Man and women will again enjoy the bountiful provision of Eden in purity.

V6. John closes his visions by reiterating the authenticity of the book. The words, “see I am coming soon!” refers to the imminence of Christ’s return, rather than its immediacy. V8 confirms the book as a prophecy, and it should not be treated as some other kinds of literature. V9 sees John being tempted to worship the angel who delivered the visions but he was sternly stopped. Worship only belongs to God.

V10. The command “not to seal up” means not to keep hidden the words of this book (Revelation). They are meant for publication and are not some secret wisdom of a select few. v 12 – 15 stress the reward Christ will give to the faithful. V16 – Jesus Himself gives credence to this book.

V18, 19. A grave warning is issued. The words of prophecy in this book are not to be tampered with. It is a strong exhortation to heed what is written. There is punishment for those who fiddle and twist these words. V20, 21. Again, Jesus emphasizes on His return soon.

Thoughts

Some take Revelation as the ultimate ending. However, if we look carefully, it is only the beginning of a new life in the New City. We grossly misunderstand the text if we treat the New Jerusalem as a retirement centre where we while our time away doing all things enjoyable. Of course we will have joy – the deep-seated sense of happiness where we find our utmost satisfaction in God. And after all the dramas, climax, twists and turns, this is what it is all about – God bringing man and women back to their real home.

God Surprises... Revelation Lesson 11

2009-03-03T21:39:00.018+08:00

Twists.

People love them. A story sells better with a twist. A date is much more exciting when you don't exactly know what to expect. In Revelation, the surprises keep coming.

Just when we think everything is put in order - the power of evil is broken, and the saints are robed and expecting the Bridegroom... John the scribe instead introduces us to a vision of a Warrior.

Observations

Chapter 19

v 11 - 16 states the dominion of the risen Lord. In here the characteristics of Jesus are described. He makes war. His eyes are like fire - nothing escapes Him. On His head are many crowns - He has dominance over all. He has a name known only to Himself - we can never fully understand all about God. But He does reveal Himself in v 13 as the Word of God, and in v 16 as King of Kings and Lord of Lords.

The armies of heaven are behind Him. Christ will subdue nations and He will also execute the judgment of God.

v 17 - 21 Contrasted with the marriage supper of the Lamb, there will be a great supper of God where the antichrist and false prophet are defeated and thrown into the lake of fire, while their followers are "fed to the birds", a common imagery for final disaster. The rest of the followers of the antichrist were killed by the sword that came out from His mouth, meaning the Word destroyed them. The Word is our standard of truth. Truth will destroy evil.

Observations

Chapter 20

We now enter the most controversial part of the book of Revelation. The millennium. Scholars have split hairs over this and drove bitter schisms into the heart of eschatology (study of prophecy).

Strangely, never did the Scriptures mention the word "millennium". The word "thousand years" appear six times, and is only found within this chapter. Elsewhere in the Bible, "thousand years" are found in only 3 other passages - Ps 90:4, Ecc 6:6 and 2 Peter 3:8. In all these texts, "thousand years" were mentioned metaphorically. So we must be careful not to subscribe to any doctrine that is only represented by a minor / obscure portion of the Bible. Always zoom out to the Big Picture (what Revelation is about) and consider the entire counsel of the Bible before coming to any conclusions.

We will not go into detailed descriptions of the different millennial views as there are tonnes of material written about it and information is just a click away. A word of caution though - the 1000 years is a side theme in the book of Revelation, so please do not get mired in the controversy! Suffice to know that Christ will come in victory for the second time, and it will be the greatest event the earth has ever witnessed. Bear in mind that even Old Testament saints could not fully understand the many prophecies about the Messiah and the Jews crucified Him. (If they had understood the prophecies they would not have killed the Messiah).

Likewise, we will never be able to understand the end-times prophecies clearly... probably until after they have been fulfilled. So, relax. God has purposed it that way. Meanwhile, help yourselves to any of the attempts by schools of interpretation (post-millennialism, a-mill or pre-mill)... but you don't have to be absolutely dogmatic about it.

v 4 John saw thrones. He did not say where the thrones are, but it would fit the passage to assume they are in heaven. Out of the 47 times the word "throne" was used, once referred to Satan (2:13) and twice to the beast (13:2, 16:10). Other than that, all the thrones seemed to be located in heaven.

Those seated on the thrones are souls (as contrasted with bodies) that reign with Christ for the period of 1000 years. Compare this with Eph 2:6. If we follow the thread in our study all these while, we will take the 1000 years as symbolic. This is derived from 1000 being 10 x 10 x 10 = the number of completion. The 1000 years is a predestined time which God has set, where Satan is restrained from deceiving the nations. And how is deception nullified? By knowing the truth. So, this predetermined time (referred to here as "1000 years") is when people have access to the truth; as Satan is rendered powerless to deceive. Sometimes it is referred to the "times of the Gentiles" where non-Jews have access to the Gospel of truth. It is the time where deception is present, but not absolute.

v 5. The first resurrection. Some say this implies that there is a second resurrection. However, John does not say that in his text. He simply says there is a first resurrection; and nothing thereafter. Now, the rest of the dead did not come to life again until after the "1000 years". If we take the 1000 years to be symbolic of the Times of the Gentiles, that would indicate that those raised in the resurrection will be priests unto God and Christ (1 Peter 2:9), of which the second death has no power. Meaning they will not die a second time.

Remember that if you are born twice (physical and in spirit), you will die once (physical), but live eternally. If you are born once (only physical), you will die twice (physical and in spirit). Physical death - is self-explanatory. Spiritual death - is separation from God forever.

v7. When the appointed time of restraining Satan is over, he will be let loose for a short while to wage war against the people of God. He will gather a huge army and surround the saints. In a swift moment, they are destroyed by the fire that came down from heaven. Equally quickly, the devil is thrown into the lake of fire where the antichrist and false prophet already are.

v 11. Meanwhile in heaven, the books were opened. With the book of life opened, everyone is judged according to what had been recorded about their deeds. No one can escape. Finally Death and Hell (and its inhabitants) are thrown into the lake of fire. v 15 The text carried a solemn warning: Anyone whose name was not found in the book of life was thrown into the lake of fire.

Conclusion

There are no newfangled subplots and twists in the end of all things, according to Revelation. The end is crystal clear. Jesus is the Bridegroom coming for His church, and He is also the Warrior who fights to rescue her. Both are strong imageries of a God who pays the price of love in order to get back what belonged to Him in the first place. He is also the Just Judge who has the power to decide on the conclusion of the fate of the Universe.

The surprise is - man still rejects Him.

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All Epics Point To This... Revelation Lesson 10

2009-02-02T16:00:00.008+08:00

A lot of people waited three years, from 2001 till 2003, to watch the entire Lord of The Rings trilogy. And it wasn't because they did not know how the story would end. Since the Tolkien classic was published in 1954, virtually every self-respecting fantasy freak would have pored through the book a couple times. And by now, almost every home that has a dvd player would have a copy of the movie.

Having said that, everyone loves a good ending. By good, I mean where evil is done away with, and all that is "good and green" as Samwise Gamgee quoted - will remain.

The book of Revelation reads unlike any other high fantasy genre. That is probably because we are not used to it. It is a manuscript from another era. It does however, have an element of universal appeal, the triumph of good over evil. Everyone - formula-loathing moviegoers included - loves a good ending. And in Revelation, it doesn't get any better than that.

Chapters 18 - 19 see a rapid dissipation of the powers of evil. This defeat of evil is described in the fall of Babylon, the fall of the false prophet, the Antichrist and finally, Satan himself.

Observations
Chapter 18

John the writer describes the judgment on Babylon in vivid imagery. To grasp the fullness of John's words, we ought to look at the judgment as the summary of all prophetic oracles on the doom of all unrighteous peoples - through all ages. Although John alluded Babylon to the Roman empire in the 1st century, he was not thinking of the fall of one city or empire when he wrote Revelation. He was referring to the final, ultimate collapse of all civilisations. Final judgment means the end of all who oppose God.

An angel with great authority came down to earth. This angel has a mighty voice and filled the earth with its bright splendour. "Fallen is Babylon the great!" The reason for the city's fall is her sin in corrupting others. Kings and merchants have become wealthy through trading with the city. Self- indulgence and arrogance are rife and celebrated.

Persecuted and hunted, the people of God must have been tempted to come to terms with the values of the city. Then their suffering will cease, and they may even become comfortable and rich. It is therefore important that they see things as they really are - and have nothing to do with unclean things. They are called by God to come out of the city and its systems and values. Compromise with worldliness is fatal. God's people must, while engaging themselves in community, refrain from being worldly-minded.

The call to God's people to 'come out of the city' is supremely important. In fact, John's emphasis in the entire chapter is not to gloat at the downfall of Babylon, but to appeal to Christians who were ready to compromise with the vices of the city. Christians need to see the reality and urgency of the situation, and act accordingly. Christians who do not share in Babylon's sins will not receive her plagues.

Earth's rulers gaze from afar and lament as the city burns. They stand from a distance lest they be caught up in her torment. In one hour: Babylon's judgment is swift and sure. The businessmen join in the wailing. Their reason? No-one buys their cargoes anymore. Financial losses, and not esteem for the city, prompts their distress.

It is widely-believed that the excesses of the Roman empire had led to its decline. Rome was the trading centre of the world in the 1st century, and its extravagance and excesses were unparalleled. Documents have described senseless waste practised in the city. For example, Emperor Vitellius, who reigned less than a year, cranked up a 7 million pounds sterling food bill. (This estimation was calculated based on the rate in 1959). Even so, with inflation factored in, 7 million worth of food consumed in less than a year is still an exhorbitant amount by today's standards. (Barclay)

All the people who had secured their livelihood from the city lamented her fall. These are, in today's terms, the politicians, businessmen and those whose existence depend on the economic wellbeing of the city. Which in a broad sense included everyone who ever had to use the currency.

v 20 - 24. The call to rejoice over the destruction of the city does not make Christians some kind of demented sadists. In fact, it is a call to rejoice over the justice that is done, rather than some vindictive outcry. Justice, not vengeance was to be applauded. Surely then, that must mean that there is suffering here and now. There is persecution and Christians are despised. But there is a victory at the end. And it is sure.

Observations
Chapter 19

The attention now shifts to heaven. A great multitude, including the 24 elders and four living creatures (see previous Lesson 2, Part 1) and all God's servants rejoiced at the overthrow of evil. That was the end of the great harlot Babylon who corrupted the earth with her adulteries. Finally she is judged.

We must bear in mind in this all our constant readiness to be corrupted. "The world likes a complacent, reasonable religion, and so it is always ready to revere some pale Galilean image of Jesus, some meagre anaemic Messiah, and give him moderate, rational homage.... The truth is that we have often committed adultery with alien ideologies, confounded the gospel with the religions of nature, and imbibed the wines of pagan doctrines and false principles and deceitful practices. We have sought to bend the will of God to serve the ends of man, to alter the Gospel and shape the church to conform to the fashion of the times." (Torrance)

v 6 Once again Hallelujah is shouted. Here, we see that the reason for this shout of praise is not so much that Babylon the harlot is defeated, but due to the fact the our Lord God Almighty reigns! A positive note is struck.

v 7, 8 These verses beckon us to the future - the marriage supper of the Lamb. The bride (community of believers) has made herself ready, and was given clothes of fine linen. Here the "righteous robes" were given to the saints, not a result of their own efforts, but purely based on the result of washing 'in the blood of the Lamb' (7:9, 14).

v 9 John was commanded to write. And there is a double emphasis on what he is to write...these are the true words of God. So the message here is important. "Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb". In the troubled days of persecution, the Bible's view is that the persecuted saints were blessed, not their persecutors.

v 10 John prostrated to worship the angel. He must have thought that the angel was divine. John was immediately stopped. There is no place in Christianity for the worship of any but God. The angel links himself to John by referring to himself as a fellow servant of God. Worship is only offered to God alone.

Thoughts

As with all the great epics and stories we hear, the victory is more precious when gained over great adversity. When it is over for the forces of evil, the marriage festivities for the people of God will begin. It will usher in an age of unparalleled peace, bliss, love and harmony of all things. Most important of all, the Lord God Almighty will be close to us in a way we cannot dream imaginable. At that time, like John Piper says... we will behold Him face to face, in a way we do not need a photograph portrait when we are looking at the real person.

Amen. Come Lord Jesus!

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Anaesthesia City, Revelation Lesson 9

2009-01-06T22:20:00.026+08:00

I was among the very first few to watch the early screening of Quantum of Solace when it opened late last year at the cinemas. Perk of self-employment aside, I had every intention of cashing in on the leftover adrenalin squeezed from its predecessor Casino Royale, which in my estimation was one of the better Bond movies of late. And of course, Daniel Craig remains the Bond of the hour; second only to Sean Connery.

Solace was anything but. Action packed to the hilt, you'ld hardly have a moment to breathe before the next KAPOW scene hits. Beside me were two guys dunking themselves on Coke and sporadically spurting their next destination in whispers - the SONY handphone dealer to pay homage to the 10,000 product placements in the movie. Hey, visual stimulation works.

I left the theatre quite entertained. Which began to bother me later. One may not think much of it, but it bothers me that I enjoyed the violence and killings in the movie, in the name of harmless entertainment. I can sit there and watch people getting killed and buildings ripped apart while enjoying my drink. Come to think of it, that puts me in the same league as Pol Pot or Hitler. Not in degrees, but in essence.

I am being desensitized.

Revelation Chapter 17 talks about the nature of Babylon, metaphor used to denote Rome at the time of writing; and in terms of prophecy - any other city that exalts itself against Christ. The "Babylons" of our times have set up systems and values which go contrary to those of Christ and His followers. Different Babylons have sprung up in different ages to oppose true disciples of Christ.

Observation
Chapter 17

We are introduced to the whore. She is seated on many waters. In v 15, the waters are explained to be nations of the world. This whore has a grip and influence on many nations of the world. The kings or authorities of the earth are said to have fused themselves with this evil and have been intoxicated by it. This prostitute is also seated on a beast with seven heads and 10 horns (this is the Beast #1 from 13:1 - the Antichrist). Details on Antichrists had been explained in Lesson 5 posted earlier. This whore is named for us. She is Babylon. It is clear that she is clothed in great earthly splendour, and is exceedingly evil, vehemently opposing the people of God. She is to be contrasted with the woman in Chapter 12 and the bride in Chapters 21 & 22.

The harlot's forehead was written a name, a mystery. Mystery will indicate that the meaning of the harlot's name is not open and obvious to all. It is subject to revelation, and the angel proceeds to reveal it in v 7. The significance of the name is made known to John, and John to believers. But, the worldly would not know it at all. Babylon is not only a prostitute, but she is the mother of whores and abominations; meaning she spawns evils like her own. In v 4, all kinds of abominations are ascribed to this city.

The picture of sexual looseness in the Old Testament is used in more ways than one. The people of God are seen as God's bride, hence unfaithfulness is likened to adultery (Jer 3:9, Ezk 16:9). Unfaithfulness was also seen as habitual and mercenary, an intentional sinning against love, as in Hos 2:5, Isa 1:21.

17: 8 reads like a riddle - "the beast who was, and is not, and is about to....". This is a parody of Christ by the Antichrist, since Christ is attributed as "who was and is and is to come...". Here, we see the Antichrist counterfeiting the attributes of God, and leading the world astray with his own brand of miracles. This includes being healed from a mortal wound (13:3, 12, 14). Spectators will be impressed by the survivability of evil. The evil in mankind may seem to disappear, but it always returns again. When Revelation was written, Nero the evil one was gone. He died. But his successor Domitian appears to be a second Nero. And the evil against Christians continued. Evil survives. Until such a time as God permits.

V 9 Seven mountains refer to Rome, an empire widely-believed to have had its roots in the seven hills on the Tiber river. What follows is where it gets complicated. One interpretation believes the seven kings represent the total number of Roman caesars (rulers). Another point of view believes the the kings represent different empires. Either view is possible. But for our sakes, it is probably better to take the first view. V 10 says five kings had passed away, which puts the scribe John in the time of the sixth king. The seventh king is connected to the eighth, which is linked as the beast or Antichrist ( v 11). John is telling us the beast, the basic source of all evil, finds itself especially incarnated in the eighth king or empire. But John is not concerned with the beast's career nor his powers or activities. John's emphasis here is the fact that the beast goes to destruction. So, all evil will ultimately perish.

V 12 introduces more players into the mix. There is an additional 10 kings who will join the fray for a short moment. Again, the number 10 may be symbolic to represent a total, or entirety. These kings will receive authority for one hour - a short / unimportant time. They are willing collaborators of the beast, apart from whom they do not have authority.

It is interesting in V 16, the coalition of evil breaks up. The empire of evil seems to have turned against each other. There will be hatred between the whore, the kings and the beast. The whore will be left naked and desolate, preyed upon and consumed by her former cohorts.

The reason for this is explained in V 17. God is in sovereign control, even when evil is at its ultimate. God causes the breakup in evil, and their doom is sure. The beast may defeat its own supporters, but it will never defeat God.

Back to Babylon. In John's time, Babylon meant Rome. But in the end-time, it represents man in organised community, apart from God. Outlined here are some of its characteristics.

Marks of Babylon

1. Leaving God out of the picture (Gen 10:10)

2. Sensuality. In today's world, our spheres of society are all affected by sensuality (17:2,4; 18:3,9).

3. Injustice (Social 18:13)

4. Violence

5. The worship of products (Consumerism)

6. Deception / Counterfeit

7. Idolatory

And of course, the desensitization of the individual to the effects of the above is a quinessential step to assimilation to the values of the city represented by Babylon.

Question

What does this mean to a bunch of desensitized, media-weary generation?

Thoughts

So what now? Run off to a monastery to escape the evil in the world? Somehow I don't think asceticism is the answer. Nor is flailing arms in futility and despair. The original readers of Revelation were never told to disengage from culture (although they were told to leave the sins of the city in 18:4). What they were encouraged to do was to stay away from sin, persevere faithfully and patiently endure the circumstances they found themselves in.

The reason is clear. The christian's hope is pinned on a Liberator who can vanquish evil and rescue him. In the following chapters, we find that God not only saved His people, but consummated the relationship in a way not fully imaginable nor comprehend-able.

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Victory of God, Revelation Lesson 8

2009-01-05T15:09:00.023+08:00

"Brutal battles were fought by our forefathers so that we do not need to go through it ourselves," a friend remarked casually over ice-cream sometime ago. This astute observation was made in response to our discussion over what the world today thought of wars and violence.

Given that this friend is considerably younger, I shouldn't be surprised that our sentiments about life and hardship ran somewhat discordant. My parents lived through World War Two and horror stories of the much-feared Japanese occupation were a staple during dinnertime. My friend, almost a decade younger, grew up in the relatively easy boom of the 90s. In that way, he was considerably removed from the ugly memories of atrocities that up to two generations ago, kept everyday folks frozen in terror.

Time helps us forget.

And if it can water down such deep sentiments in just two generations, think of how far removed we are from the original readers of Revelation, the first-century Jews - 2000 years apart from us.

Here in this chapter, we will try to get into the shoes (and minds) of the original readers of Revelation. And when we understand what the text meant to them, we can appreciate it for what it would mean to us, too.

Observations
Chapter 15

Another set of visions are opened with this prelude. The setting is in heaven and the seven angels are about to pour out the final judgement of God. A victory song was sung by the overcomers. In the early church, the day of a person's martyrdom was called the day of his victory. The real victory was not to live for safety, to evade trouble, or to cautiously or prudently preserve life. The real victory is to face the worst that evil can do, and if need be, to be faithful unto death (Barclay).

And the seven angels move out, each carrying a bowl. These bowls of judgements come directly from God's presence and have the full sanction of God. The bowls also refer to the prayer of the saints (8:5). The prayers of God's people even though insignificant, are important! They have a part in bringing about the final state of affairs.

The power and glory of God was seen in the thick smoke surrounding the temple. This is final. There is no more intercession possible.

Chapter 16

The swift, unretractable judgements of God are poured out full wrath. In case we are wondering, God's punishment fits the crime. Whereas in the cycle of trumpets only a-third (a significant number) of nature is destroyed, in the cycle of bowls, the extent of the damage is complete and final. We find that although Bowls #1- #4 deal with the destruction of nature, Bowls #5 - #7 are "directly political". They are aimed at the destruction of the operations of the powers of evil.

Meanwhile, the powers of evil assemble. These are kings and world leaders whom are gathered to make battle against God. Then, verse 15 in a parenthesis refers to Jesus speaking as first-person "See, I am coming like a thief!..." This implies that there are believers who will be caught unprepared. They will be ashamed at a critical time in history. Compare this with the parable of the 10 virgins in Matt 25.

Then, of course we arrive at the oft-quoted location in last-days theory - Harmageddon. Har means mountain in Greek, and Megiddo is the name of a city in Manasseh. In this area, God overthrew the Canaanite kings by miraculously aiding Deborah and Barak in the account in Judges 4. Just the mention of the famous battleground or Armageddon to a Jew would suggest a horrific slaughter. If we follow a consistent thread in our studies, the location Armageddon is symbolic for a hopeless situation with a great appearance of the gathering of evil... where God will overturn the situation and win the victory!

Thoughts

I am grateful I live in an era of relative peace. I don't mind being subjected to horror war stories during mealtimes, but honestly, don't get me involved in the ugly, violent battles that define history, people and places.

The bible says however, that christians are already at war. This is a spiritual war and each was recruited the day they became believers in Christ. And God's promises still stand. At the point of impossibility, He will overthrow evil with a resounding victory and claim His own.

Like the original readers of Revelation, we are confronted with the realisation that there is a decisive moment in history.

And we decide which side are we on.

Wrath or Mercy? Pick One... Revelation Lesson 7

2008-11-04T16:34:00.032+08:00

"Heaven must be really boring if it's full of white-robed people playing harps," someone had remarked very early on in our study. This imagery, while it was meaningful to the original readers of Revelation, has little to endear itself to us today; given its dull, sedated atmosphere where people walk around in nightclothes. In fact, it sounds very much like a scene out of a mental asylum, if you catch my drift.

Is it any wonder why we associate heaven as a place for the aged, weak and those on the "vintaged"- side of the hill, where there is nothing to do except move r-e-a-l-l-y slowly on the clouds while strumming harp-strings to the tempo of a dirge?

Before we make up our minds, let's see what Revelation has to say about this matter.

Observations
Chapter 14

This chapter opens a new series of visions, with the word Then at the beginning of the passage. John sees Jesus standing on Mount Zion, the mountain of deliverance. With him are the 144,000 whose foreheads are sealed with his (Jesus') and the Father's names. Compare this with Ezekiel 9 . A lot of different interpretations surround the 144,000, to the extent that movies and sects have been propagated in its honour. But who are these people?

One interpretation suggests the 144,000 as the community of faith throughout the ages, that is, represented by 12 x 12 x 10 x 10 x 10. These are the 12 tribes of Israel (representing the faithful in the Old Testament), the 12 apostles of Jesus (the faithful in the New Testament), and all the faithful people who will ensue until the end of the age.

This group of people will have the mark of the Lamb on their foreheads.

It is very clear that everyone who lives on this earth will have a mark, either that of the Lamb's, or that of the beast. If you have the mark of the Lamb, you will incur the wrath of the beast, but escape the wrath of God. Conversely, if you have the mark of the beast, you may not be under the wrath of the beast, but you WILL face the wrath of God. There is no middle ground. No exceptions. You will face one wrath, or the other.

This symbolic 144,000 sang a new song to the Lamb in heaven, accompanied by an angel whose sound was like many waters (all-pervasive, imagine the sound of a thundering waterfall) and harpists (sounds of joy) at the same time. Then, we are further told the 144,000 are those redeemed from the earth, and had not defiled themselves with "intercourse with the world's systems". They lived up to what is implied as their betrothal to Christ. They are covenantly faithful and true disciples. They are not sinless but instead blameless, having repentant hearts and an orientation towards God.

John sees another angel flying in midheaven, proclaiming the gospel. The responsibility of those who had heard the gospel was to "fear God and give Him glory..." Just as He has created everything in the beginning of time (Gen 1), God will judge each one at the closing of time.

Another angel then told of the impending downfall of Babylon (pagan kingdoms). Babylon, at the time of the writing of Revelation, had lapsed into a heap of ruins. Isaiah 21:9, Jeremiah 51:7. However the term "Babylon" had become symbolic for Rome and any other culture or city that arrogantly stands above God. Could this be the great New York City, Tokyo or even Kuala Lumpur, which "has been built by man's hands"? All kingdoms that exalt themselves above Christ will fall.

The third angel cries out the the judgement for those who has the mark of the beast - they will incur the wrath of God unmixed, or full strength. What this means is that, up to time of writing, the judgements of God on Israel, ie, captivity and exile, attack by Babylonians and Assyrians, the terrible siege of Jerusalem, etc, had been "dilute". The "full strength" of God's wrath is reserved for those termed here, with the mark of the beast (please refer to previous post for the explanation on the Mark of the Beast).

Jesus gave vivid descriptions of hell, ie, fire is not quenched, worms don't die, gnashing of teeth, etc. And it is ETERNAL.

The text continues to two harvests. Now, a harvest is the climax in the agricultural term of the ancient Jew. Everything builds up to the harvest. The Bible speaks of two kinds of harvests.

Harvest 1

One like the Son of Man is shown to, with one swipe of the sickle, reap the harvest on earth. This is the judgement experienced by the inhabitants of the world.

Harvest 2

In this horrific imagery, another angel swings the sickle to harvest the grapes. This harvest shows the thoroughness of God's wrath. In olden days, grapes are thrown into a winepress where they are trampled until their juices break forth and flow into the holes at the bottom of the winepress, channeled to a vat below. Here, the grapes are the people against God and Christ, thrown into a winepress and trampled till their blood flowed down to the vat, enough to fill an area 200 miles long up to the height of a horse's bridle. References to the final judgement can also be found in Jeremiah 51:23, Rev 19:15, Hosea 6:11, Matthew 13:39, Isaiah 63, Joel 3:13.

Remember, everyone has a mark, either the mark of the Lamb, or the mark of the beast.

So what now?

Concluding thoughts

1. Do not read texts on judgement with smugness and arrogance. It is with tears of grace and mercy that we give thanks for our salvation.

2. GIVE UP YOUR SMALL AMBITIONS! Know what is really important at the end of the grand scheme of what we call life and time. Your life, career, money, family, friends... what value would they take against the backdrop of the eternal judgement of God?

3. Only as we see the alternatives for what they really are, can we realise what we are saved from - the terrible wrath of God - by the sacrifice of His Son. And only through it, can we see the glories to come in the Lamb.

And yes, the sounds of joy in heaven may not sound that "boring" after all...

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Surviving the Beasts (II), Revelation Lesson 6

2008-11-02T21:50:00.010+08:00

"Golly", a friend remarked, "what if, just what if, by some stroke of ignorance, christians end up being deceived and unwittingly receive the mark of the beast?? Will they then go to damnation?"

A noteworthy question. Let's look at what Scriptures say.

After having looked at the antichrists that culminate to the ultimate Antichrist in the previous post, we now turn to the second beast mentioned in Chapter 13. This is the beast from the earth, commonly known as the False Prophet. The Antichrist and False Prophet are cohorts of the dragon (Satan) in his last ditch attempt to inflict the earth before being cast into eternal destruction.

Observations
Chapter 13: 11 - 18

Notice that this beast (False Prophet) has the demeanour like a lamb and spoke like a dragon. Its outward appearance of harmlessness will lead many astray. Jesus spoke of wolves in sheep's clothing (Matt 7:15), and these false prophets are discerned through their fruits - which means not just their deeds but also their doctrines. A person speaking in the name of God is to be tested by the doctrines of Scripture.

This False Prophet exercises all the authority of the Antichrist, and makes others worship the Antichrist. It has the ability to perform great signs and wonders and poses a direct counterfeit to God's power, deceiving a great many people into believing the Antichrist.

Thought

Can you sanction every miracle as from God, just because it is done "in Jesus' name?" Consider Matt 7:22 - 23, when Jesus said: "not everyone who says to me, Lord, Lord, will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of my Father in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name and done many wonders in Your name? And then I will declare to them, I never knew you, depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!"

The False Prophet will cause a global allegiance and worship of the Antichrist, and of course, not even one person is able to buy and sell without the infamous mark of the beast, termed here as also the number of a person, 666.

Now.

Obviously this would have made sense to the original reader. But for us modernists, this had posed to be an enigma for centuries. Various interpretations of 666 had surfaced since. Some say that 666 is merely the falling short of the perfect number 777. Some say it is Nero, Caesar, Napoleon, Martin Luther, Hitler, etc etc.

The basis for the latter is based on a play of the numerical-based Hebrew alphabet that was used in ancient times, called the gematria. Because every letter of the alphabet was tied with a numeral, names of individuals from Nero to Henry Kissinger had been associated with 666! Safe to say, Michelle MY Chan, depending on whichever variant one likes, ie, MC Chan, MY Chan or just Ms. Michelle C; if the letters are manipulated long enough, may even amount to 666!

So what am I saying?

Nobody knows. Even scholars are baffled over the mark of the beast.

However, we must reject any attempt to turn a symbolic piece of apocalyptic imagery into a literal translation of an event utterly remote from the intent of the writer John and his contemporaries. If in Chapter 14 John refers to the mark of the Lamb as those redeemed by Christ, are we to expect a literal mark on the foreheads of the people in the shape of a lamb? Of course not. That refers to those faithful in Christ. Their redemption is received by faith and sealed by the Holy Spirit. Similarly, the mark of the beast surely refers to unbelief, rejection of Christ and his gospel. (excerpt from The Lamb and The Lion by Grame Goldsworthy).

So, let us not be distracted by workings of financial intricacies, the implementation of a global fiscal system that will entrap Christians, ie, bar code systems, cashless society, etc. Of course we are to be vigilant, but the irrational fear of "accidentally procuring the mark of the beast without realising it" does not gel with New Testament epistles. "It is sad that many Christians are being led to think of their eternal security as depending not on the finished work of Christ for them, but upon the prophetic astuteness in discerning the supposed relationship of the beast to the development of a new global fiscal system. " (Goldsworthy)

Having said that, here are some characteristics of the false prophet:

1. The power of Satan expresses itself in false prophets in concrete historical deception

2. The false prophet serves antichrist who serves satan

3. False prophet is full of deceptive power

4. False prophet commands conformity

May we live in the Spirit, being enabled by Him to endure and persevere during these times where deception intensifies.

.........

Surviving the Beasts, Revelation Lesson 5

2008-10-30T10:47:00.018+08:00

"Revelation is a book for scholars," someone in the study group remarked. While I don't think the book was solely intended to be deciphered by professors (the original readers understood it well); there is some mind-maneuveuring involved when modern-day readers want to understand it.

Remember Revelation is apocalyptic, which means lots of metaphors, and some parts of the book is sometimes interpreted by another chapter in the same book. This is what happens in Chapter 13. It is mirrored by Chapter 17, and should be read together to obtain a bigger picture of the idea.

Observations
Chapters 13 & 17

Chapter 13 outlines the appearance of two beasts that do the bidding of the dragon (Satan).
Beast #1 is likened to be the antichrist(s) who will directly oppose God's people. Beast #2 is the false prophet that expresses itself in deception of all peoples.

Together with the dragon, they form the unholy trinity, a counterfeit of God's identity and character. This trio of evil parodies God (using the descriptions of the beast being "was, and is not, and is about..." 17:8, 11). They unleash themselves with great fury at the peoples of the earth because their time is short (12:12)

Let's look at the Beast #1:

1. Commonly known as the Antichrist; or a succession of antichrists culminating to the ultimate Antichrist (1 John 1:18).

2. The power of satan which is in constant historical opposition to God's people.

3. The power of evil, after which it have seemingly "died / vanquished", returns with renewed vigour to oppose the power of God! How this is arrived at is too long for this lesson, but a quick glance at 13:2 describes the beast as a patchwork of a bear, a lion and a leopard, which in Daniel 7 alludes to the kingdoms of Medo-Persia, Babylon and Greece respectively. The dragon gave its power to these kingdoms. In v3, this one of the heads of this patchwork beast was mortally wounded and then healed. Now, heads usually refers to kingdoms. Therefore,we can read it like... "the dragon gave its power to the kingdom of Babylon (to work out its schemes), then the kingdom lapsed. Then it was resurrected in the form of the kingdom of Medo-Persia, and the dragon gave it its power, then it lapsed... etc etc"

Do you see the picture?

Everytime the beast seems to have been defeated, it comes back with renewed vigour! This is like a bad chainsaw-gore movie that is endless!

In amazement (desperation?) the people accepts this kind of evil, and even follows it! (13:4)

4. This Antichrist demands our allegiance. It was allowed to make war on the saints and conquer them.

What kind of forces are opposing Christ and demanding your allegiance? Maybe we are not called to die as martyrs in our country (as many are called even in countries nearby). But we are all called to die to ourselves and follow Christ.

What has been demanding your time and allegiance lately? More money to pay off the mortgage and debts that your chosen lifetyle is weighing on? To embark on a christian cause? While these are legitimate reasons, let them not supercede our devotion to God, giving Him only our time, our belongings, and ourselves.

Understand that all the accumulation of wealth (consumerism, materialism and capitalism), philosophies and ideologies (communism, socialism, existentialism, pluralism) have the function of false religion, making us think apart from God. Anything that diverts our devotion towards God is a competitor, regardless of how noble, glorious and good it sounds.

What then, should a follower of Jesus do? The answer is in verse 10. if you are to be taken captive, in captivity you will go; if you kill with the sword, with the sword you must be killed. Here is a call to the endurance and faith of the saints.

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How to Beat the Dragon, Revelation Lesson 4

2008-10-22T15:34:00.017+08:00

Okay, okay... I borrowed the above title from an excellent expository preaching session from Dr. Don Carson, whom in my estimation, is incisive, thorough and straight to the point. Right, let's look at the world and the church from God's perspective.

Chapter 12
Observation

Science fiction! Fantasy! You could be forgiven for wondering if the writer of Revelation had dunked himself in one anime episode too many. I mean, Woman clothed with the sun with the moon under her feet and crown of 12 stars? Either this guy is high in imagination or on LSD. However, since all Scripture is God-inspired (2 Tim 3:16), LSD is out. Which leaves the option of God-inspired Scripture via means of imagination, in a manner that is readily understood by the original reader.

Hmmmm...

The identity of the woman is revealed in v 17. She is the true church, a group of believers in the Old Testament (OT) and New Testament (NT) who have the characteristic of those in v 11 (those who overcome by the Blood of the Lamb, word of testimony and not clinging to their lives unto death).

Lets get back to the text. The woman is in birth pangs. She is about to give birth to a male child who will rule the world. Messiah will come from the community of faith, in OT it was Israel, in NT it is the church. A great red (murderous) dragon waits for the child to be born in order to devour the baby. The dragon is also the Devil, Satan, the accuser of the brethen (v9). The child was born and taken to God (in one sentence describes Jesus' birth, ministry and ascension). The woman then is pursued by the dragon and fled to the wilderness (symbolic for testing and trial time, according to Jewish customs). There the woman is nourished for 1,260 days.

Now.

1,260 days = 42 months = 3 and a half years = a time, and times, and half a time. They are all different expressions of the same thing.

In order to understand what this means to the original reader, let's go back in Jewish history. In 323 BC, Alexander the Great conquered most of the known world, from his hometown Macedonia till India. He died without an heir, and his vast empire was divided between his 4 generals. You can find an allusion to this in Dan 8:21-22. The divided kingdoms were Egypt, Syria, Greece and Thrace. Now, Israel was right in between Egypt (Ptolemic) and Syria (Seleuccid). Israel became a hotly-contested region between these two kingdoms. Finally the Seleuccids from the north managed to wrest control of Israel, and under its emperor, vanquished all forms of Jewish worship. It was a capital offence to observe the Sabbath, to worship at the temple and Jewish priests were killed, pigs' blood poured on the altars to desecrate it. It was a dark period in Jewish history.

In about 164 BC, an emissary of the Seleuccidian emperor was sent to kill the Jewish priest Mattahias, but Mattahias killed him instead. Thus, a revolution began against the Seleuccid oppressors under Mattahias' eldest son Judas. The revolution was called the War of the Maccabees. Judas "hammered" the Seleuccids for 3-and-a-half years, and finally he won. The temple in Jerusalem was again dedicated. The Jews, for the first time in 400 - 500 years, began to worship God in their own land again.

Conclusion #1

Now.

If you tell a Jewish audience "three-and-a-half years" during the time Revelation was written (1st century), they instinctively refer to the time when their there was a great struggle, the war of Macabees, before victory was gained. Does it mean the persecution period was literally 3-and-a-half years? No. That period of suffering lasted almost half a millenia! Thus, the phrase 3-and-a-half years is symbolic for a period of immense suffering and catastrophic struggle, before finally, there is victory in sight.

Conclusion #2

The dragon with great fury tirelessly pursued the woman. On 3 occasions it was mentioned that he attempted to destroy her, but each time God rescued her and took her to the wilderness (desert - time of testing) where she was nurtured for ahem... a time, times and half a time.

Question:
From God's word, the church seemed to be always in a position where she is persecuted by the dragon. How does this compare with the state of our churches today, in our homes or anywhere in the world? Does this characterise our lives in any way?

Conclusion #3

This passage gives us a clear way to overcome the dragon.

a) Blood of the Lamb. It is not by our might nor power nor ability... but ONLY by the blood of the Lamb. We have done / could do nothing to save ourselves.

b) Word of the saints' testimony. This is bearing witness to Christ and the truth through word, deed and thought.

c) They did not cling to their lives even unto death. The true saints denied themselves and carried their crosses daily.

..........

The Trumpets Sound, Revelation Lesson 3

2008-09-30T14:06:00.014+08:00

Anyone who has been praying will attest to a time where they have wondered if their prayers really mattered. When will true justice and goodness be restored? It seems the more we pray, the worse things become. Sometimes we feel our prayers bouncing off the walls and ceiling, and often, we wonder if they'd even gotten airborne in the first place!

Revelation Chapter 8 gave the persecuted churches (and us!) some perspective.

Observation

This is the chapter that opens up the cycle of the trumpets. Please remember that the 7 trumpets is the same story as the 7 seals, told from a different perspective. Seven in all, the trumpets talk about the judgement befalling the earth. After the 7th Seal was opened, there was silence in heaven for about half and hour (symbolism for "a short time"). Then another angel appeared with a golden censer and stood at the altar. There was incense and prayers on the golden altar before the Throne of God. The incense, prayers and fire from God were thrown down on earth, resulting in thunders, lightning, etc.

Food for thought

The prayers of saints play a very important role in the judgement of God. What is the real masterpower behind our world, what are the deeper secrets of our destinies? The prayers of the saints and the fire of God. More powerful than any dark forces and mighty powers in the world, is the power of prayer set ablaze by the fire of God and cast upon the earth. (Torrance)

Chapters 8-11
Further Observation

Trumpet 1 - 1/3 of earth burnt up
Trumpet 2 - 1/3 of sea became blood
Trumpet 3 - 1/3 of of water became bitter wormwood
Trumpet 4 - 1/3 of light darkened

Trumpet 5 - Locusts torture men without God's seal
Trumpet 6 - 1/3 mankind killed by plagues; people don't repent

Interlude - witnessing church is persecuted and vindicated

Trumpet 7 - Mystery fulfilled, Kingdom come

We see that Trumpets 1-4 mirror the plagues of Egypt (Ex 7), which grew in intensity after each time Pharoah refused to relent to God. When Trumpet 5 sounded, the judgement grew more serious. From natural calamities, it has grown to spiritual oppression. Locusts (noted as demons here by some scholars) were released to torture those "who do not have the seal of God in their foreheads" (v 4). They were only allowed to torture humans for a symbolic "5 months" though, which is the length of the locusts' lifespan. During Trumpet 6, a third of mankind (not the majority, but a significant number) was killed. Despite this, the others still would not repent and turn to God.

The interlude talks about The Two Witnesses (the church by some scholars) who were witnessing and facing great persecution at this point. Many miracles were displayed and the Two Witnesses even got silenced and killed, before they were resurrected and went up to heaven in full view of their enemies. The people were terrified and gave glory to God

At the 7th Trumpet, we are back in heaven. The mystery of God is fulfilled (10:7) and God's Kingdom has come.

Food for thought!

Well, there is just too much in this cycle! Basically it is a landscape of judgements, beginning from the the "mildest" to the most severe, culminating in the arrival of the Kingdom. This is told from the perspective of the inhabitants of the earth. If you notice carefully, Chapter 11:9 has actually finished the entire story of Revelation, although not its details (which will be explored in subsequent chapters).

I want to bring your attention to a particular reference "but in the days when the seventh angel blows his trumpet, the mystery of God will be fulfilled, as He announced to his servants and prophets." (10:7). Compare this "mystery" with Ephesians Chapter 3 - the Gentiles sharing the promise of Christ through the gospel.

Question:
Is the mystery fulfilled? Or is it awaiting a future fulfillment?

One comment that popped up was "I am sure God will protect those whom He has sealed (9:4) from the oppression of the locusts". Well, if the New Testament is anything to go by, God will surely protect His own in and not necessarily from the days of evil. If He has purposed that we live in such times, so must we. And so we must be found faithful to the end, no matter what kind of evil may / have already arrived. Was this not how the apostles and saints of old endured and overcame? Was this not how our Lord and Master triumphed? Let us then, not be afraid of pain, suffering and the hardship that comes when we remain faithful and obedient to Christ.

Recommended Reading: The Heavenly Man, story of Brother Yun, co-written by Paul Hattaway

..........

The Cycle Begins - Revelation Lesson 2, Part 2

2008-09-24T16:09:00.007+08:00

If you have ever been involved in a single camera film shoot, you won't be surprised when the actors repeat one scene over and over again. The first time round, the camera may be picking up just wideshots, the second time it is close ups of the actors' expressions; the 3rd time the director may be taking pickup shots. In short, every detail in the location has to be taped on camera, even if it did not seem significant then. This is to make sure that when the footages are edited, it has all the finesse of a polished piece of filmaking with all the nuances and different angles making up the same story.

Reading Revelation is the same. First we must wade through the text itself. In chapters 6 - 7, the actual drama unfolds. Three times throughout Revelation, visions are carefully structured in sets of seven (chapters 6-7, 8-11, 15-16). Just imagine that the camera is in one position in chapters 6-7, and it has taped one story, ie one cycle has completed. Then imagine that the camera shifts position in chapters 8-11, so that it will get a different angle of the same reality from another perspective. Same goes for chapters 15-16.

Clearer?

No? Do not worry. It is actually very simple. We read chapters 6-11 in cycles.

Cycle 1 - Chapters 4:1 - 8:1
Cycle 2 - Chapters 8:2 - 11:18

Each cycle tells the same story, but from a different perspective or angle. The rest of the structure in Revelation will follow this pattern of cycles. Note that this structure is help observe the text structure, not interpret it!

Good.

Chapter 6
Observations
This passage is famously known as the Four Apocalyptic Horsemen.

Horseman 1: White, rides out to conquer. he seems to be like Jesus. Widely held views think this is the AntiChrist, or a spirit of conquest or delusion (false prophets and doctrine). His bow indicates he is a warrior, his crown indicates he is a ruler.

Horseman 2: Red, rides out with war and violence. Men slaughtering each other, peace taken away from the earth

Horseman 3: Black, rides out with economic adversity. Note that prices of staples (wheat, barley) has become extremely high, famine.

Horseman 4: Pale, riding out with death. Violence, hunger, pestilence and killings by wild animals.

Question: Do you think the horsemen appears chronologically, one after another? Or?

The 4 horsemen were represented by 4 seals. In the 5th seal, we see martyrs crying out to God asking for revenge. God gave them white robes and told them to relax while waiting for their complete number to fill up. There will be more martyrs coming soon.

Food for thought: Martyrs absorb the tension of the colliding worlds between that of Christ and non-Christ's. The church is caught in the crunch of this collision. Her role is to absorb this suffering, so that others may have a shot a redemption too.

When the sixth seal was opened, it describes the Day of the Lord. A cosmic meltdown as God takes His hands off creation. As God holds the universe together in His hands, it is unimaginable when He takes it off! This will not just be climate calamities, tornados, tsunami and earthquakes... this will be nothing creation has ever witnessed... nature melting away. People will run helter skelter to the caves hoping the rocks will fall on them, rather than face the wrath of God. Who is able to stand???

Chapter 7
Observations
Good news! God tells us who will be able to stand on that terrible Day (or time). Four angels holding back the full wrath of God, with instructions not to damage anything until the servants of God had been marked! Note the 12 tribes of marked people here are not the original 12 sons of Israel.

Question: Do you think the 12 tribes mentioned here signify a "physical Israel"?

Food for thought: Those who had put their trust in Christ will / may be required to go through tribulation, but they are never under the wrath of God. Tribulation (suffering and death) is clearly a part of what the church was enduring and yet to endure. God's wrath, on the other hand, is His judgement poured out upon those who had afflicted God's people. It is very clear from Revelation that God's people will not endure God's wrath when it is poured out on their enemies, but equally clear that they will indeed suffer at the hands of their enemies. This distinction is in keeping with the New Testament spirit.

Chapter 8
Observation
If you had watched "Pirates of the Carribean 3" or "Ironman" recently, you will find out there is a scene at the end of the credit roll. This scene sets the stage for the sequel that is coming soon.

Chapter 8 is that extra scene at the end of the story. It sets the stage for the next cycle - the 7 Trumpets. It is like a "table of contents" at the beginning of a book that pre-emps the reader what to expect before he proceeds to read.

More shall be discussed as we enter the cycle of the 7 Trumpets.

........

Revelation Lesson 2, Part 1 - The Cycle Begins

2008-09-24T10:00:00.013+08:00

When we come to chapters 4 till 8 of the book, we begin to see a grand landscape of breathtaking visions. It is also a new section in the book which reveals the terrifying events that will occur in the future. This is the main section of the Apocalypse.

Observation
Chapter 4 describes the Throne Room in majestic splendour, where all creation, represented (4:7) by the lion (mightiest of all wild animals), the ox (representing all tame animals), human (mightiest of all creation) and the eagle (mightiest of all birds). Correspond this with Ezekiel 10. They all fall down and cry "Holy, holy holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come."

It must be noted that although the church is told that God reigns in majestic splendour, His Son is depicted as the Lamb that was slain. Jesus triumphed through his obedience and death, so this is how his followers are expected to triumph as well (12:11). The Lion is a Lamb who redeems humankind through His suffering.

Observations
If Chapter 4 describes the atmosphere in the Throne Room, then Chapter 5 brings us to the matter at hand. There is a scroll. On the scroll was 7 seals. This scroll is an authoritative and important document which contains the judgements and redemption as seen in later chapters. In short, the scroll contains God's eternal plan for the universe.

Now, the scroll cannot be read until all its seven seals are opened. Since the scroll contained the judgements and redemption (refer para above), it may also be the scroll that was sealed in Daniel 12:4. And also an allusion to the scroll the Lord handed Ezekiel in Eze 2:9.

And in all creation, no one was found worthy to open the scroll. John wept. Then behold, the Lion and Slaughtered Lamb was identified as the Worthy Scroll-Opener, and a new song was being sung in heaven! The 24 elders and 4 creatures worshipped the Slaughtered Lamb, followed by myriad of myriads of angels, followed by every creature in creation. Progressive worship.

The handing over of the scroll from Father to Son shows that all authority has been given to Jesus. The prayer of the saints (believers) play an important role in the Lamb's opening of the scroll and the ensuing judgement (8:1-6) We shall see in the next chapter the content of the seals.

Food for thought: One comment that popped up was..."If this is what heaven's going to be like, it'll be a very boring place!". I think this sums up what a lot of people believe today, Christians and non-Christians alike. The modern view is that if we are going to wear crowns and long white robes playing harps all day, then we are better off with the attractions on earth, thank you very much. So we are "compelled to" choose the temporal pleasures over eternal joy.

Is this what you are struggling with? Like a good detective, I urge you to continue investigating God's word, because they not only have answers for those questions, but also a grander perspective that will change you.

......

Revelation Lesson 1

2008-09-13T13:35:00.005+08:00

WARNING! If the Tribulation and Rapture is your main goal of studying this book, please do not proceed lest you be disappointed. Sorry, those are but minor themes, and you will not get what you are looking for.

Two things are required before we start on this often-misunderstood but utterly majestic book.
1. The Spirit of God to lead in all truth
2. A degree of humility as no one has all the answers

We will quickly go through the basics of Revelation, as these are stuff you can easily pick off the Net. They are:

Location where book was written - Patmos, a tiny island in Greece (map)
Date written - Approx AD95
Author - John the apostle
Purpose of Book - to encourage the saints undergoing persecution to have patient endurance to the end

Group Findings
Our group consists of Allan, Beatrice, Lai Peng and Jeremy. The exercise was to colour code the characters, locations and phrases that Jesus said. This inductive approach will help in our observation of the text.

CHAPTER 1:
Observations
1.Jesus personally appeared to the author, John. He commissioned John to write the letter (the book) to the seven churches in Asia - Ephesus, Smyrna, Pergamum, Thyatira, Sardis, Philadelphia, Laodicea.

2. John did not recognise Jesus. He last saw Jesus being taken up to heaven approx 60 years before. From history, we can deduce that since then, he had been witnessing for his Lord and encountered persecution. The rest of the apostles were all dead, martyred. John is about 90 years old, and exiled in tiny island Patmos because of the testimony of Jesus. John knew the churches he was writing to, he was sharing in their persecution (1:9).

3. The Jesus who appeared to John was different and unrecognisable. John was terrified and fell as though dead. Jesus appeared in a long white robe with golden sash across chest - garment of a Roman judge.

4. Jesus said "I am the the Beginning and End" twice.

Food for thought: For John, now an old man in his 90s, who has suffered persecution and loss of his friends the other apostles, persecution is nothing new. He has seen Jesus taken up to heaven while in his 30s, then the destruction of the temple of Jerusalem when he was approx 70. Then it was persecution all the way. As long as one was either a Christian or a Jew, persecution was to be expected. Nearing the twilight of his tumultous earthly life, John meets Jesus again after 60 years, and Jesus' words to him were: "I am the First and the Last"

Would I be able to recognise Jesus when He returns? Is He truly the "First and Last" to me?

CHAPTERS 2 & 3
Observations
1. Jesus is in the midst of the churches. He knows their works, strengths and weaknesses. To each church He appears in a different character - suitable for the situation in that particular church, ie, to Pergamum which had compromising doctrine, He appears as the One with a sharp two-edged sword.

2. To each church Jesus had a charge against them, except Smyrna (Persecuted church) and Philadelphia (Missionary church).

3. All the churches had individual promises if they repent. The promises also correspond to the situation the particular church was in...ie, to the spiritually dead church of Sardis, Jesus promised that if they overcome, He will not blot out their name from the book of life (2:5)... etc

Food for thought: Jesus is intimate with the churches, even though they are far from perfect. Group decision agrees that the churches represent congregations of all ages in all time, ie, it is not probable that Jesus meant the first church (Ephesus) to represent the first century / age church, and so on. The pattern of description here is parallel and not progressive.

This concludes the first part of the study, which is quite straightforward and literal in its approach. Next we will go to chapters 4 - 8, with its apocalyptic, cyclical pattern.

Recommended Reading: Revelation:The Triumph of Christ by John Stott

Revelation Introduction Lesson

2008-09-11T15:52:00.015+08:00

As promised, here is the outline of an overview of the book of Revelation. Please take note that the purpose of our study is not to pin down a date, time, nor even a chronology of events to interpret the Last Days syndrome. So please, at the risk of courting controversy, I am asking you to please get this notion out of your heads before we even proceed.

Right. Now that we've straightened that out, let's sort out some foundational ideas.

1. Stop approaching Revelation with preconceived ideas. All of us, myself included, have a coloured view of the book whether we like it or not. While most of us will fall into any of the 4 major views of interpreting the book, we will try our best to be as unbiased as we can, as each view has its own strengths and weaknesses. Our approach will be inductive. We shall go through the 4 views, and each student will have to decide at the end of the book study, which view (or if there are others) that he / she intends to take.

2. There are plenty of details and icons from FantasyLand in the book of Revelation. Because they make good fodder for speculation and fire up the imagination, it is easy to get sucked into the details and lose sight of the Big Picture. Don't get mired in the maze. Always pull back and ask yourself... what is the book of Revelation about???

3. The main aim of the study is to get as close as possible to what the text meant to its original reader. That means, my friends, you have to step into the shoes of a persecuted Christian circa AD90 thereabouts.

4. That also means, although the main bulk of our study is from the book of Revelation, we also have to check out the external evidence, ie, historical records to gain a more accurate picture of what exactly went on and why the author made all those bizarre and symbolic references.

In order to navigate through the apocalyptic visions of the book, let us first understand how to read it like its original reader.

Revelation is a very special book because it contains a mix of the different genres of literature found in the Bible. As we all know, the Bible contains 66 books written by different people from different backgrounds and eras, over a time frame of a couple thousand years. What binds it together is that it is authored by the Holy Spirit (2 Tim 3:16). And therefore, if we look closely enough, it will have an underlining recurring theme. However, the Bible contains literature of different genres - historical narratives (Genesis, Exodus, etc), Prophetic (Daniel, Ezekiel), Wisdom (Psalms, Ecclesiastes) and Epistles (Paul's letters), just to name a few. (Think action flicks, romantic sitcoms, fantasy adventure, horror where movies are concerned).

Again, Revelation is very special coz it has narratives, prophetic/ apocalyptic, epistles and wisdom genres all crammed into one book. *Gasp* In order to wade through all that muck (to quote a friend), we will have to understand the different ways each kind of genre is meant to be understood.

I find the most helpful way of understanding Revelation is always zooming out to the Big Picture of the book. Look at an overview of the book... if you get lost / confused (and it will happen), do not despair... tweak the lens of your mind to the widest possible, and look at the entire book's overview again, in order to find your bearings.

Next, we will detect where the different genres of literature are located throughout the book. With this as a structural indicator, we can hopefully avoid the pitfall of getting lost in the descriptions and imagery which border on the weird and kooky. We will also explore the authorship of the book, its purpose and intention. Stay tuned.

Recommended Reading: How to read the Bible for all its worth, by Gordon D.Fee & Douglas Stuart

Month of Fat

2008-08-05T14:38:00.012+08:00

I love August.

Lots of good things happen in the eight month of the Gregorian calendar. The weather is mild, peak season is over, it is summer in most places, it is the Malaysian national day... and it happens to be the time of my annual month-long feeding frenzy!!!!!!!!

Heh heh heh heh... the eating spree officially started yesterday at Chilli's in Bangsar. Kian Leong, Su Fong, Lai Peng and I had a blast... we are all kinda nutty to start with anyways. The food was great, the company was excellent and of course, there was plenty of laughter around the table... we had a great time!

Already the bookings are piling up. Weekends are the most popular. Thanks to my move to Wangsa Maju, the only time my friends can meet me is over the weekend. So that means I 'll be working on shedding off some weekend fat. But.. who cares? Heap on the fats!!! Oh yeaaaaah.

Like a Baby

2008-07-31T21:34:00.005+08:00

How does a weaning baby feel?

Don't know. Too distant a memory. I had been reading up all the baby weaning and teething issues I can get my hands on, thanks to some advertorials I am writing. To my surprise, there are plenty to learn. For instance, if baby holds her head up and starts to smack her lips and click her tongue, you know she's interested in what you have in your hand. Or when she grabs your finger and chews, chew, chews. Or when she drools enough to fill a swimming pool.

Enough said, teething can be very distressing for baby as the teeth pushes out from the gums and produces pressure. Many remedies are available - teething rings, teething rusks, teething gels, cold apple wedges... but none I suspect is as effective as the cuddles, hugs and the huge arms of a loving mom to soothe away all the pain.

Psalm 131 is short. At only three verses, this passage looks like a filler of some sort (compare it to the humongous Psalm 119). Just as fillers are full of dense material (ask your friendly dentist or the collagen expert), Psalm 131 is simple, yet it fills you up nicely, if you get what it means.

Along with Psalms 122, 124 and 133, Psalm 131 is part of a medley of four songs. In particular, it is a song of simple trust sung by David.

The part that grabs me is verse 2. It says "Surely I have calmed and quieted my soul, Like a weaned child with his mother, Like a weaned child is my soul within me."

OK, in all truth, I don't think David remembered what it felt like to be a weaned child when he wrote this song. But he must have felt a comfort and contentedness beyond all he could describe, and there were no words to explain it - just like a gurgling baby who can't speak of the wonders of the mother's love but can undoubtedly feel it!

Parenting experts say that it is a good practice to let baby explore and have a variety of tastes and sensations in their tongue - so they will not grow up to be fussy eaters. This applies to when the baby is teething too, and when he is uncomfortable, irritable and when mealtimes can be an adventure! The mother will gently and patiently persuade baby to accept what is being fed. Even if it takes weeks. A wise mom would not give only sweet stuff to baby, no matter how the baby longs for it!

And for us, why should life be only confined to sweet things? Don't the bitter, sour, spicy, uncomfortable, unlikeable stuff also contribute to our own good if it is fed from a Loving Hand?

A weaning baby who trusts the hand that feeds her will accept and smile while she swallows. A child who simply trusts in the Almighty is so firmly anchored in hope that he can sleep like a baby in the midst of life's storms and difficulties.

Lord my heart is not haughty, nor my eyes lofty
Neither do I concern myself with great matters
Nor with things too profound for me

Surely I have calmed and quieted my soul
Like a weaned child with his mother
Like a weaned child is my soul within me

Oh Israel, hope in the Lord
From this time forth and forever

Dull Food

2008-05-24T21:41:00.003+08:00

Ever waited at a restaurant known for good food... only to be disappointed? I know that feeling. My family went to New Paris in SS2 recently, a neighbourhood restaurant known for its delicious food and reasonable prices. We eagerly anticipated the arrival of the Captain's reccomendations - steamed grouper, marmite ribs, fried veggies, tofu with minced pork and bittergourd braised chicken.

The dishes arrived looking like they had been precooked and microwaved. My dad immediately pointed out the telltale signs - cold plates and there was no smoke emanating from the dishes! We finished the food, but could definitely say that the experience had been a tepid affair. Wonder how the cook would have felt if we have made a complaint. But we were just too polite and continued swallowing.

Today, more than others, I felt that the students in the bible class were swallowing too. I do not know if they understood what had been taught. It started with them all being anticipative at the beginning (they even took notes during a little icebreaker word game!) However, I felt the lesson nosedived for some reason. Just one of those days... and I really felt like a chef who has let the diners down. That despite the preparation and prayers throughout the week, the hours spent thinking about it, not to mention the sleepless night caused by it!

Such is human evaluation.

I m glad God just expects me to be faithful and not a super-skilled chef all the time.

Really Scoring

2008-05-20T23:47:00.008+08:00

This particular tune has been ringing in my head for the past two days. In fact, it would spring on me so unexpectedly that I would start humming without realising it. Like the vocals kinda launched spiraling into auto cruise.

Of course I am referring to the catchy, adrenalin-filled John Williams' rendition of Indiana Jones' theme song. Has there ever been a tune so filled with adventure, anticipation, humour and promise?

My first real memory of the Indy trilogy was the Temple of Doom. The car chases with Short Round at the wheel, the sexy Capshaw singing on stage... "la la la la... Anything goes!" and the gory scene where the evil priest (Mola Ram?) reached his hand into a human sacrifice and pulled out a beating, pumping heart (ugh).

That was the first time I heard of an Indian goddess named Kali, the first time I flirted with the idea of becoming an archeologist, and to cut it short, the first time I saw a hero who was so close to home - beaten, bruised, flawed... and yet still a hero nonetheless.

It was a time where everything was possible... if you can only imagine it. I watched the movie nine times on the old VHS tape... and lost count how many re-runs it had seen in the ensuing years. By then, I was ready to digest Raiders of the Lost Ark and despite the latter being a better-made film, Temple has always held a special position in my heart. One year later, I was dressed to the nines and off to tea dances (at 4pm on Saturdays!) Friends had these cheesy autograph books where there was a list of favourite things one had to disclose. Everyone's favourite movie included Indiana Jones and Return of the Jedi or Grease II. It was Lucas' decade, soon to be Spielberg's.

So, after almost 20 years, Williams' score still tugs at the emo strings. At least for this former wannabe archeologist. OK, so I didn't find an exotic tribe and stop a cult sacrifice... but I sure did have some pretty awesome adventures in my own right, thanks to the hero who grew up with me, and taught me "So what? Everyone gets beaten one time or another."

Good to have you back, Uncle Jones!

Taking Heart

2008-04-21T09:10:00.009+08:00

Blessed are the undefiled in the way,
Who walk in the law of the Lord!
Blessed are those who keep His testimonies,
Who seek Him with the whole heart!
Psalm 119:1,2 NKJV

Whole heart? "Whole"? OK, for the sake of splitting hairs, the New International Version and New American Standard say "all your heart". The King James is a stickler for the terms whole, complete, entire.

To be honest, who knows what goes on inside the human heart? Other than it being deceitful amongst all things, the seat of affections and the compass that veers a person throughout life? Many things keep the heart running, so to speak - joys, fears, ambition, hopes, dreams, disappointments, anger, etc. And to sum it... a person is the sum of all there is in his heart...

It is so easy to thank God when things are going well, when things are looking good study or career-wise, when family is showing each other love and consideration, when you have plenty left over in your bank account. When your kids make choices that bring joy and glow to your being. When despite hardship and suffering, you see value in your investment.

It is not so easy to be grateful when all those things are non-existent and you cannot see even half a step ahead of you. It is definitely not fun to be lost, destitute, purposeless, or worse... wandering in the wasteland of hope deferred. If anything could exact the cruelty of a slow execution, this has gotta be it. A gradual chipping away of the soul leaving a vacant shell of a body in its wake. Talk about the Living Dead.

Anyways.

The Psalmist said those who enjoy blessing are those who had given God their entire heart, warts and all. Like... he wasn't talking about sifting through the heart's contents and presenting only the choice parts, you know... keep the ugly bits under wraps since they are slimy muck (as if God could not handle such things). He said to give God the whole, entire, complete heart. No holds barred. Who would not shudder at the thought of being totally naked before God, stripped to the core, vulnerable, raw and defenceless?

No wonder we put up all kinds of fronts - rebellion, ignorance, triviality, apathy, or worse, a religious veneer to gloss over the obvious shortfall. I had been guilty of those things, although not in that order. All this in vain hope that God will pass by my weaknesses and let me be.

And God, being God, would not allow the defect to fester. Really, it is soooo hard to give God the entire heart. And unlock those hidden little chambers which hold on to their sordid little desires and secrets. Secrets too precious to be given away. But the blessed soul knows. Knows that no matter how deep the fear of violation, the freedom that ensues is more than enough to cover, restore and renew.

Perhaps too much has been said about the Six-Inch Journey from the head to the heart. Time to put some feet into those words and chalk up more mileage on the proverbial longest trip for man.

One Tragedy Less Would be Good

2008-04-17T01:04:00.009+08:00

"How long have we been brothers?" Zilong (Andy Lau), the title character in the movie Three Kingdoms :Resurrection of the Dragon, asked his sworn brother Ping-An (Sammo Hung). "Thirty-two years and four months" was the reply. That was more than half of Zilong's lifetime. Albeit being one of the legendary 5 generals of the formidable Shu Kingdom in ancient China, Zilong was not mentioned in the Romance of the Three Kingdoms. That aside, the film was true to its literary depiction of the Shu Kingdom as the protagonist.

The film began and ended with Zilong and Ping-An, chronicling their fateful first encounter to the battleground where one met his valiant end while the other assumed greatness by proxy. Their lives, though panned out differently, had one thing in common - both had come full circle and ended up where they started. They spent the better half of their lives fighting for a cause, only to find very little reason to do so at the end.

Such are tragedies made of.

I had some hard thinking to do too. After spending 6 years living for a cause, have I come full circle? All that I wanted was to have a family growing and maturing in the ways of God. Maybe I was too hopeful. Or maybe I had heaped too much expectations on myself and on them. Maybe I had played God too many a time. Maybe I need to release them all to Him and move on with life. Maybe.

Ecclesiates tell us that life is meaningless apart from God. Do I need to plunge the depths of futility to understand what that means? Or... maybe I can simply fear and love God, obey His commandments... and set out like a junior Augustine... do whatever I like?

Don't know. But the world certainly don't need another tragedy.

Ramblings

2008-04-04T15:40:00.003+08:00

March went by in a daze. It was election month. And for a while, everything else took a backseat whilst conversations went on furiously in coffee shops, kopitiams, mamaks, boardrooms, bedrooms... you name it. Who wagered which party was going to win, stories of corruption (old tales... yawn), cronyism and all the rest of it. Election fever was on!

Even the bible studies took similar slant. It was by no accident either that we were going through chapters 19 and 20 of Exodus, which spoke about the preamble and the formalization of the constitution for Israel.

Many parallels were drawn, allusions alluded, mental gymnastics exercised finally dare I say, tho we were not altogether wiser about the state of politics in Malaysia, we at least learnt that God's covenant with Israel all those centuries ago has ramifications for us today.

I love history for the way it progressively unfolds human nature. I just hate the idea of it being a subject for examinations. Love the relational factor, hate the rigidity of the structure that attempts to contain it.

Just as well, because beneath the rules and regulations and laws - meant to govern behaviour - isn't the ideal to live a life so exemplary that laws are no longer needed? But...ah, I am in fantasyland.

I digress.

Tomorrow we wrap up our 3-week analysis on the 4th Commandment, The Sabbath. After tracing its origin in Genesis, we looked at its institution in Exodus as a commandment, its part in the moral and ceremonial practices in the Old Testament, the controversy it sparked when Jesus interpreted it for the pharisees... and finally, its significance for New Testament christians. Phew!

And like those coming-of-age movies, the class discovered that the quest for one thing can open up doors of understanding to a bigger picture, beyond what was initially expected. What the students expected was a neatly-packaged doctrine, nicely presented in a "do this but don't do that" label (a product); but what they got instead was a process of thinking, re-thinking, interpreting and re-interpreting (an education, hopefully).

I must admit that I have learnt much too, thanks to these students, without whom I would not force myself to think a few steps ahead. The preparation for the studies have benefited me greatly. Tiring, but worth it.

Too Many Eggs

2008-01-15T22:43:00.001+08:00

A couple years ago, a health shop opened on the row of shops across the street from my house. It was an instant hit with the residents, especially since they were dishing out freebies every few hours after their organised health talks were over. If you had ever been a victim of these sales gimmicks, you would know that it was really a cheap way of ensuring a crowd. The topics ranged from age-defying tactics to relationship boosting methods, peddled by young, enegetic speakers duking it out with very loud background music!

My dad was a frequent visitor to the talks. One day he came back from the shop and announced, "Everyone quickly! Get to the shop now coz they are giving out a carton of fresh eggs to everyone who attends!" Needless to say, every breathing soul in the house - my parents, the maid, myself and even my then 5-year old niece - darted across the street to secure our seats.

We spent 30minutes listening to a sales pitch. Then returned home with enough eggs to last us for months, since we don't usually eat a lot of them to start with. We realised we've created a storage problem. The eggs will go bad before we can finish them. In our greed and haste, we failed to see the consequences of our actions. We just hoarded. My memory gets fuzzy at this point, but I think we gave most of our eggs away, and even had to beg some people to receive them!

Sadly, in that sense we were not that different from the infamous children of Israel who grumbled, moaned and complained in the desert; as described in Exodus Chapter 16.
And when God miraculously provided food from heaven, the first thing they did (despite specific instructions to the contrary from God) was to - you've guessed it - hoard!

Sure, the need to acquire and possess more helps assuage the fear of insecurity. Who doesn't want some measure of security... savings, property, investments.... ? All these are good stuff, given by God. However, the unhealthy emphasis on good stuff can often distort our perspective of the true value of things. And life. Especially when it edges into our priorities unnoticed.

The Israelites' greed revealed a blatant failure to trust the God who had rescued and provided for them all these while. Either they thought God was unable, or unwilling to. My eggs incident may seem miniscule compared to the problems of the Israelites, but they are certainly in the same basket! The familiar ugly traits of unbelief, over-indulgence and reluctance to live in daily dependance are all evident, being thrown into the mix for good measure.

Too many things, God, compete for our love and trust in You. Help la... help us understand that submission to Your will should always take priority over our immediate needs. It was a lesson to the Israelites, let it be a less severe lesson for us.

Just Another Breakfast...?

2008-01-08T13:45:00.001+08:00

Expect the unexpected.

Such a well-worn phrase. Happens to be the story of my life too.

This morning I woke up early and went to the wet market. Then, as I sat down to have breakfast, I ran into an acquaintance whom I had not seen in 13 years. We recognised each other instantly, but for the life of me, I could not recall her name. She sat down at my table and both of us simmered in pretend mode - each trying to out-wait the other asking for identification.

Our conversation centered around small talk - her family, my family, who's doing what, where, etc etc. Then somehow the dialogue veered towards the gap years between 1997 - 2001 and I inadvertently shared my testimony.

She sat and listened, her eyes welling up with tears as I recounted how my parents came to the Lord. She appeared visibly moved and was wiping her eyes. Just before going our separate ways, we exchanged numbers (and names!). Whether we would keep in touch remains to be seen, but this incident really reminded me of one thing I keep putting off - I have to get going on writing the memoir... and preferably before I become senile too.

Sigh.

Retreat Journal 5

2007-12-31T15:26:00.002+08:00

Day 5 (Dec 31)

9.00am - wokeup & breakfast

9.30am - reading

11.00m - cleanup

11.30am - talk to Crys

1.00pm - Lunch

Things are winding down on the last day of my self-imposed retreat. All things unchanged, I have reached a decision. I am not going to Colorado Springs. I gotta write to tell the missions organisation that they can stop talking to their lawyers and accountants, stop working on the work permit, and stop making queries to the US immigration and Malaysian US Consulate. And they can keep the company car too. In a way I feel bad I have to tell them this - what a damper on all the buildup over the past few weeks.

But I believe it is the right decision.

CONCLUSION
The basis of the decision did not hinge upon the cost of going, where the funds would come from, whether my health could take it, how much I would be "missed" by family and friends, or any personal cost of such a move. I guess I am never much of a practical person when it comes to these details.

The sole basis of my decision is the belief that God has called me to study and teach His word. I am not called to any geographical location nor to any particular people. I am just called to be faithful in doing what I feel is of most importance right now. And despite being fortunate enough to have been gifted in several areas, I see the most valuable and critical contribution in studying, teaching and expounding doctrine of instruction to body of believers. It hasn't been so clear until now.

So I will stay and continue to freelance and also integrate witness and work. And trust a trustworthy God Who provided and continues to do so.

Retreat Journal 4

2007-12-31T00:54:00.001+08:00

Day 4 (30 Dec)

7.45am - Wokeup

8.30am - Swimming

9.40am - Breakfast (leftover noodles from previous dinner)

10.15am - Leave for church

1.00pm thereabouts - Lunch

5.15pm - Returned from long lunch

6.20pm - Leave for dinner

8.00pm - Dinner

12.00am (31 Dec) - Returned from dinner

Today's sermon was about the making of vows. Actually I had no intention of going to church this week, but due to the outworking of circumstances, I found myself at the service. Back to making vows - the last vow I made with God was one of a bargaining nature. Out of desperation being stranded alone outside the Indira Ghandi airport in New Delhi in the thick of the 1996 winter, I struck a deal with God. I said if He would "save my entire family", I would go wherever He sends me.

One year later I left for the Doulos, and subsequently to a 2-year commitment with Operation Moilisation.

Two years after I made the vow, my parents and late maternal granny was saved within two weeks of each other. Granny wanted to be baptised immediately!

CONCLUSION
God definitely kept His end of the bargain, although it was me who had the gall / foolhardiness to approach Him dictating my own terms in my vow. He is Creator and yet He "layan-ed" (entertained) such ridiculous arrogance from a creature. I am just like a flower that is here today and gone tomorrow. The more I realise my insistent candour, the more I am grateful for His grace... one just needs to look at the children of Israel who perished in the desert to appreciate the longsuffering patience of God.

I think God would want me to make a decision that best reflects His character in Philippians 2:6 - 8. If I would allow God to crucify me without pity, He can raise me beyond measure (v 9). I pray He will make me lose taste / yearning for the things of this world; and long for the things of eternity. I pray to be kept sane / hidden until the day arrives. I pray that more than just doing His work on earth, I will grow to love Him more and more as the Worthy One.

Retreat Journal 3

2007-12-29T17:55:00.001+08:00

Day 3 (29th Dec)

8.00am - wokeup

8.30am - trapped inside the condo unit because Crystal mistakenly took my set of keys

9.00am - started to worship on the piano

9.30am - Crystal returned and I went swimming

10.30am - Cooked pasta brunch

11.30am - Reading Tozer and NKJV

11.45am - Worship on piano

4.35pm - Finished worshipping on piano. 2nd attempt at reading...

6.10pm - Going for dinner at godbrother's house

I did not have any 'great revelation' today; I merely worshipped the Lord with my instrument. I have almost forgotten what a divine privilege this is. There was no constraint of time, of being watched... or anything else. It is just God and myself. He alone is great and worthy.

I had tried to read all afternoon, but somehow my mind got so distracted. I was just drawn to the piano. Once my fingers hit the keyboard, the rest was history. I didn't realise the passage of time until it was... 4.30pm! Aaaaaaaaaaarggggggggghhh!!!!!!!

CONCLUSION
Seeing the day not over yet, I will say it is still early to sum up. Initial thoughts - Apart from God nothing matters. Nothing, not fame, status, relationship, health, money, security in houses, cars, etc... not even civilisations or empires can stand the ravages of time. All will lapse in the light of eternity. One by one, we will slip into eternity and nothing... NOTHING that we have built or achieved will stand, apart from the stuff done in obedience to God.

Then... am I living in obedience? Am I being a true disciple? Are the things of the world losing their value in my esteem? If so, then do I have the inner peace and a calm rest that characterised the saints of God? Is my life one that is self-denying (at the parts that matter) and God-pleasing? Can God have His way in me? Will I allow Him to crucify me without pity so that he can raise me up without measure?

Ah.... life and its endless quest for the Almighty!

Retreat Journal 2

2007-12-28T22:25:00.001+08:00

Retreat Day 2 (28th Dec)

8am - Wokeup

9am - Meditation

1pm - Lunch

3pm - 7pm - Last minute shopping for presents

7pm - Dinner

9pm - 10.30pm - Email and blogging

What makes a true disciple? The one who sees the Lamb who was slain (Rev 5:6) seated on the right hand of God, and will follow Him everywhere He goes.

Christ was crucified entirely - from head to toe. There is not one part of Him that did not go to cross. And He did it for me. For me. FOR ME.

CONCLUSION
If I can help it, I won't want to carry my cross. But Jesus requires it. It may not be the same magnitude as His cross, coz His burden for me is light and His yoke easy. I have it good. The path ahead may be fraught with dangers and suffering, and there is always fear at the door waiting to creep in to arrest the soul. Can't give in. Got to cling on to a trustworthy God Who says He cares and has overcome all that is necessary for my victory.

Retreat Journal 1

2007-12-28T21:24:00.001+08:00

Why a retreat?

Reason #1: Need an answer on a decision, in particular - is God really calling me to CO Springs?
Reason #2: Need respite from people in my house
Reason #3: Need respite from year-end madness
reason #4: Need direction for life

Pre-Retreat Day (26th Dec 2007)
Returned from Christmas party the night before. Took the LRT to Asia Jaya from Wangsa Maju. Stoned and groggy from lack of sleep the last couple days. The last of Christmas activities is over... finally I can concentrate on the retreat.

4pm - Went out with May to Curve and 1U... chilling out.

10pm - Arrived at Crystal's and settled in.

11.30pm - Read John Piper's "Marks of a leader" and Point #9 on the grave responsibility of a bible teacher cut me like a razor-sharp stone. (Hmmm... could something be brewing here...?)

Retreat Day 1 (27th Dec)

Finished reading John Stott's "Calling Christian Leaders" and his exposition on 1 Cor 3:12 - 14. Here is what I understand: The foundation of the church is Christ. Then the building is built either with gold, silver, etc... or with hay, wood and straw. Gold and the like are likened to true doctrine taught; and the straw stuff is anything short of balanced theology and pure doctrine. Depending on what is taught, it will affect the church eternally - for good or otherwise.

Which brings me to these questions:

What am I building with?

What are my motives?

CONCLUSION:
God has called me to teach and be a steward of His holy Word. It is a weighty responsibility and I am held in serious accountability.

Waiting

2007-11-28T12:43:00.001+08:00

I am blown away.

After being "highly recommended" by a friend to be the Asst. to the President in this missions publishing organisation in Colorado Springs, USA, my weekend turned into a roller coaster ride!

First there was the enthusiasm of my friend who of course, to some degree rubbed off on me. Secondly, I had to reply the query from CO Springs and renovate my CV to be sent off. But mostly, it was the intrusion of my home routine that shattered my momentum. I had been at home 6 years, all these while wishing I would somehow be out in global missions again. I had sunk deeper and deeper in the freelance work-church searching quagmire. I had lived for the future all these years - waiting, hoping, praying for the ONE chance to get myself into missions once again. And then I arrived at some conclusion... I had almost given up hope. I had decided to "be all here" back home. I had decided to be centered. Mebbe I am supposed to be spending the remainder of my life back home in a limbo. Mebbe all that God had done and invested in me are meant to be lived in obscurity back home. Sigh...

Suddenly KAPOW! Co Springs happened.

My radar started to light up. Is this a calling? Being assistant to the President is certainly not a job for the unfettered and frisky me, but the other opening of Writer / Editor post is right up my alley. Dare I hope again?

So the weekend was spent thinking, praying, wondering. Mostly wondering. I sent in my CV, it was the most honest and lucid one I authored. I wanted to debunk any myths about me being over-qualified just in case my friend had oversold me. It is better to come clean on the onset than allow people to second-guess.

Close friends (people who know me, me) expressed caution. They feel an ENFP like me should be working directly with people and ideas. For me, the matter is out of my hands. I am praying that if it be God's will, that He opens the doors. If not, then I am happy to take 'no' for an answer.

Waiting.

There are no accidents...

2007-11-19T15:51:00.001+08:00

Uncanny.

Two-and-a half hours ago my friend Josephine died from lung cancer. She had been in pain for a long time. Finally, she has found her rest in Jesus. At about the same time, I just finished blogging about death (see previous post). Mere coincidence? The Creator of the Universe holds the reins of time and space in His hands. Nothing escapes His attention.

Jo leaves behind her two girls and husband James. They were my friends from church and used to open their house for small group gatherings. We had been out of touch for a while, but the bond remains.

The sting of death has been removed, but numbing loss kicks in. I mourn.

Lessons from a Ciku Tree

2007-11-19T12:33:00.001+08:00

I woke up this morning to the fresh, crisp, dewy air and the green of the lush, leafy ciku tree outside my window. It is more than 10-years old. The fruits are in full bloom, the tree peppered with hundreds of little brown fruit. Most of them are in different stages of fruition - some are merely budding, others are ready to fall from their stems to the next stage of decay.

I thought about death.

Seriously, that is not a distant prospect where my parents are concerned. What a horryfying, bewildering and sobering thought - all in the same instant! I wonder how I am going to handle the situation when it happens. I am afraid of my own unpreparedness. Would I be helpless, lonely and pathetic? Would I continue to trust God and obey Him? Would I, faced with my own mortality, succumb to the fear that has plagued men since Adam?

Hard to say. This article from John Piper sheds some perspective into the matter. Knowing how to live and knowing how die sums up the lifework of the one who believes in Christ and desires to live for Him. As it is, it is challenging enough trying to live a Christ-filled life. What more learning how to die in a Christ-glorifying manner?

I look at the ciku tree in my garden. For all its different seasons - fruitfulness and barrenness, and those that are in between, it never really took a lot of effort to grow... the elements took care of that. And when it is time to die, the tree will do just that. Its purpose spent, its presence had brightened the earth in its duration of life.

The Creator of the Universe, same Person who created the tree, will also tenderly help me to expire when my time is done on earth. The hows-and-whens are merely details. He will determine the time, location and procedure - all elements weaved by His powerful hands.

My ciku tree looks like it still has many good, sturdy and fruitful years ahead of it. And God willing, if I were to have the same, may those years be characterised by deep roots, strong branches and bushy leaves where fruits are aplenty in its season; and where birds can find shelter.

For me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. - Paul, the Apostle

Pleading the Fifth

2007-11-12T23:00:00.001+08:00

A weird sense of deja vu swept over me as I sat on the sofa between my mom and dad tonight. There I was, with bible resting on my lap waiting for the service to start while my parents, with their cool composure and the rare word exchanged between them, gazed passively in front. Their eyes hardly met.

You could have shot me, but the scenario was exactly the same one fateful day back in 1998. The location was different, so was the furniture and circumstances... but the level of dysfunction was the same - my parents were in the midst of an uneasy truce which had characterised most of their married life (at least as much as this kid could recall) as they were seated together waiting for an evangelistic dinner to begin.

That night my parents gave their lives to Jesus.

Today, almost a decade later, they were still unable to let go of the major parts of their differences that had plagued their marriage. Sad, but true.

Tonight as we sat on the sofa and listened to the sermon, my dad and mom responded. Pretty much the same way as they did 9 years ago. They seemed to have taken positively to the teaching on sin, forgiveness and letting go of past hurts and tresspasses. They went out for prayer.

The cynic in me would dismiss this as another passing flight of fancy on my parents' part, but the hopeless optimist inside still wants to hang on to the little shred of hope there. I believe God has an active plan and purpose for people like my parents - aged 70, stubborn, opinionated and quite impossible to talk to sometimes.

We shall see.

On my part, I just have to remember, remember and remember the Fifth Commandment - honour your father and mother that you may live long in the land your Lord God had given you.

OK, ok, ok.

Swipe of Mercy

2007-11-12T15:23:00.001+08:00

It was not as if I was going to pray about the matter. I've had enough. Nine-and-a-half months of playing nurse and maid to my mom's hyperchondria finally took its toll. The strain was showing in cracked and tensed family relationships. Not good. Not good at all. Since nobody did anything to improve the situation... and I had exhausted all avenues, I decided on one course of action - move out. And there I was, plotting and planning on how to set up office in the new location, stuff to buy, etc etc... when in one swift swipe of mercy, my plans were derailed.

My mom came into my room. We had a talk. First one in a long, long time where we actually talked and she did not dodge the real issues. We struck a deal - she will seek counselling and return to church / cell group, whereas I will continue to stay at home and help her through her new decision.

God again reminded me of what He told me 6 years ago... that I should be back for my family. It was no coincidence either that I was teaching Titus Chapter 2 this week, where in this gem of an epistle, Paul wrote to his protege on the instructions for various groups in the church. For the women, the younger ones in particular, Paul emphasized a primary calling to build, nurture and nourish their families. Our homes are a vital part of our calling and witness to the world.

But it is not easy. It is never easy to live Christ, especially in your own family. Nevertheless, God's grace is sufficient.

So my mom and dad will go for counselling tonight (yay) and we shall see what God will do in the days ahead.

A Race to Run

2007-10-31T15:21:00.001+08:00

I had time. So much time. In fact for the past couple weeks, all I had been doing had been (gasp!) letting time slip past my grip as I fretted and got frustrated. I had hit a rough patch and there seemed to be no getting out. As the condition deteriorated, I sank deeper into my own fabricated thoughts... thoughts of uselessness and wasted opportunities. Thoughts of what could have been. Thoughts of just forgetting what I had believed in thus far and concentrate on catching up with the trappings of life. I wondered who will take care of me in my old age... of retirement. Of accumulation of immediate pleasures. I wanted to just for once, think only about myself and my own interests.

Wow.

It is dangerous where your thoughts can lead you.

Some people have asked me what I expect out of Christian life. (I honestly dunno what kinda question that is, but I guess if it is asked, it somewhat deserves an answer). I actually thought long and hard. Obvious 'benefits' like eternal life / heaven aside, Christian living... or authentic Christian living, for most part, is risky, sacrificial, has no guarantee of success and basically drives one to what constitutes an early grave. History attests to those who had been tortured, killed, quartered and suffered mostly for what they treasured as the imperishable belief in an invisible God.

We are pilgrims passing thru'...

My answer, I guess, is not PR-polished. It may even sound cliche. but then again, in our weary world of media overload... what isn't?

I want to finish my race well. Life is just too darned short to be spent on something else. But my problem is, I may not always know what makes a good runner. And I keep making mistakes. I wonder how many times I can get up again, dust off the dirt and keep running. Poets say we weave the tapestry of life. I say... just let me reach the finish line with faith still intact.

Jesus, running is not my second nature, I am sure you know that. Following you is risky. But if ever there was a race worth running, it is because you promised to be there too. That makes all the difference.

My Way or His Way

2007-10-08T15:31:00.001+08:00

Life hardly goes the way it is expected, yeah? I am glad. Or else there will be very little room for adventure and anticipation.

The trip to Chiangmai had all the makings of a tour holiday - inland guided tours operated by agents, eating local food, getting around the city getting (partially) fleeced by songtheaw* drivers and wandering around the streets in a truly touristy manner clad in our bermudas and sneakers.

Lai Peng was the super tourist maxxing out on her time and budget. I was the laidback antagonist who wanted nothing better than just sitting down having a chat over a drink with anyone I could grab. Not such a fantastic combo. But we managed without tearing each other's hair out.

The highlight of the trip (actually it became a highlight only today, after the arrival of an email) was getting re-connected with a friend. My friend is a missionary whom I met 4 years ago while she was still attached to an organisation in KL. We met briefly, had a deep connection and parted ways when she went off to seminary and then abroad. We never kept in touch. Then, to my utter suprise, it turned out she was staying just a few doors away from my host in Chiangmai!

We exchanged stories and brought each other up to speed on our respective lives. We really only had a couple hours' worth of real conversation, as the rest of the trip had been one activity after another. Actually the trip had been good for me, I met so many missionaries and it really reminded me of the years I was doing cross-cultural missions abroad. I missed those times and yearned for them. In fact, I lived most of my years in KL after 2001 wanting to go back to the field and longed to "be of service to God" in that manner again. I saw myself as a field material person, and was already prepared to die in my assigned field.

But that was naught to be. At least not for now.

After I got back from Chiangmai, I received a missive from this friend. What she wrote really touched my heart in places I didn't expect. The email read:

" Dear Michelle, it was a real surprise to see you in Chiang Mai too. Now I really believe that God led us to know each other 4 years ago, and that was not a coincidence. Through your sharing it has brought me the confirmation that I am here is not for mistake. This is part of His divine plan in my life. Because recently I have been asking God that why am I here and is this is a mistake of my choice or....?????? Thanks Michelle for bringing the comfort for my heart."

Suffice to say, I have been challenged and silenced (again) by the quiet ways of the Lord. I had my mind and heart set on returning to the field, God showed me He had better use of me elsewhere - though He is not telling me where and when. Yet. It is a hard pill to swallow. It is not really that I should dictate terms in the service of God. It is His work, to be done His way, in His time and at His pleasure.

May we all, Lord, be found doing what gives You most pleasure.

Chiangmai

2007-09-25T13:03:00.002+08:00

Yes, Chiangmai here we come! In less than 24 hours, LP and myself will be eating lunch there with our friend Elisha. Not really excited, but kinda looking forward to it. I would prefer a more relaxed break, but LP wants to do everything and anything within our 8-day trip. Oh well...

Things in the itinerary - trekking, temples, tribal visits, kayaking (?), eating, lepak-ing. At some point I would like to join the Wycliffe people and suss out their work too. We shall see. Elisha picks us up from the airport and the lepak-ing will start immediately.

O' Little Child

2007-09-23T16:43:00.001+08:00

Moon Len got safely married yesterday. It was a casual dinner at Mum's Place in Damansara Perdana. Nice and cozy. The only people I know there - besides the bride's family - were my high school buddy Mee Yee and her husband. Food, drinks and lotsa chatting going on. And of course, we behaved just like we would when we were 15 years old. Given, we have all grown very different in our professional and domestic lives, each going through our own paths for the past 22 years, but when we got together, it was Form 3 all over again. Bunch of bratty yakking schoolgirls! (I feel sorry for the husbands... for what they had to endure).

School friends represent a part of us that never really dies, no matter how deep the years try to bury those memories. It was a time where the concerns of money, career, and family were seen through the other side of worry. How innocent those days were, and how much more we should treasure them - not as a bygone era of naiveity, but as a time where we were at our truest uninhibited selves, brandishing our dreams and waiting to soar.

And how much more we need to remember, that in each of our mature and old(er) selves that little child never dies.

Threesome

Minus the bride...

One Trip Too Many...?

2007-09-20T14:18:00.001+08:00

I finally did it.

Told Sook Ching I am willing to be part of the November Myanmar mission trip should anyone drops out. Should that come to pass, this will be my 2nd short-term mission trip, and fourth trip abroad this year! Shikes... no wonder I am broke! Anyway, no one has dropped out yet, so I am kinda "safe" for the moment.

Been re-reading Tozer's "Born After Midnight". Great stuff. Tells you how you are the sum of all your voluntary thoughts, ie, thoughts that come to mind when you are free to think of whatever you want. How astute.

I've been thinking a lot about life. The brevity of it. And lately, I just can't seem to focus my thoughts on God, especially after the "drugging session" of two weeks staying in bed due to the flu. I was so zonked that I could not really orientate my mind to the stuff at hand, even a week after stopping the antibiotics. This is terrible. They should ban those stuff, or shoot people who propagate them!

So here I am back to the grind... Bible study classes every weekend, a wedding coming up, stories to finish, people to catch up with and... housechores! Dreaming of settling down in Toronto, walking down Younge St and generally vegging out.

I miss my friends in Toronto, Vancouver, Virginia. England. Nepal. I miss those heady missions days. I miss backpacking. Miss throwing caution to the wind and packing up at a moment's notice. Miss the first flush of wonder at the discovery of a new place. Night busses. Hostel lockers. Friendly strangers.

God! Is this what happens at mid-life????

Back to Life

2007-09-19T12:21:00.003+08:00

Alright. I came back with vengeance today. Woke up really early, drove myself to Taman Tun Park for some mean morning exercise, went wet marketing, returned home to cook for my niece before she left for school, washed my car, sneakers, did the laundry and some housechores - all before noon! Good, good! At least I am putting that injured / pained / weak hand to use again, and of course I wanna see how far I can stretch it.

Now that the chores are outta the way, it's back to work again... gotta conjure up this story on Vietnamese Coffee Culture for Flavours. Shikes! And I haven't started! AND there's this other piece to spice up for Weekender... Sigh, how many ways can you jazz up a dry, flat, boring story? Sometimes I wonder if I could really stop writing (no, I don't think so... it's just too much a part of me, and I s-t-i-l-l enjoy it.)

So I am probably not going to be that famous and dedicated writer in glasses sitting in front of a typewriter with a cigarette butt sticking outta her mouth and stained coffee mug nearby (this was the strange notion I had of myself while growing up); but minus the cigarette, typewriter and famous parts, I think I've come pretty close.

There. Life is not perfect and CTS still sucks, but it is still darned good compared to what comes in second.

Brewing some Vietnamese.

Two Months

2007-09-17T11:18:00.002+08:00

August and September were months of extremes, if you ask me. Firstly there was the sense of a post-mission low after 3 glorious weeks in Port Dickson and Hanoi leading the OM team. It was a great, although unevnetful trip where 'grand action' was concerned. We were instructed to play tourists whilst we had prepared to dig trenches. Oh well...

Then there was of course, there was my adopted father's visit from Virginia Beach for almost a week. A totally shameless 'makansutra' outing. The binge continued with my birthday bash(es). This yeah was tremendous! I was eating non-stop with friends, family and more friends! (The last meal is lunch tomorrow with my buddy... almost one month after my actual birthdate!). I am truly blessed.

Then came the lowpoints. I had fallen ill. Was in bed for 12 days, drugged and drugged again. Not fun. Anymore sleeping and bedsores will peek outta my skinpores! Sigh. A-n-d then, my left arm started acting up... nerve pain! Yikes. This time round it had all the classic symptoms of CTS and freaked me out big time. I was walking around with a bent elbow and clawed hand, probably resembled the person who inspired Frankenstein had it not been already written. Great.

So today I am taking it easy (again!). Sigh... hasn't worked much since August and September's gonna be over soon. Next week I will be in Chiangmai and won't be back till Oct for a shoot.

Life continues...

Back!

2007-09-15T18:46:00.001+08:00

Yay, I can blog again!!!!!!

I cannot believe I survived so long without.

My blogger ran into an error snag since erm... July in Hanoi when I tried to post, and since then the flurry of unending activities (travel, guests, sickness, etc) kept me busy - really busy - until now. So, thanks to Allan (who fixed the error in my blogger) I am now back in action!!!!

(Allan, in the meantime has gone to LaLa Land... methinks the all the hard work fixing up blogger has gotten the best of him...)

So now, there are lots to catch up on...

... in the next posts.

Kicked Out

2007-07-05T04:05:00.001+08:00

Two days ago, I went for my last bible class. It was final. I was getting kicked out. There was no way they would let me back in after being absent for three times consecutively; not even when the reason of my absence was to lead a mission team abroad.

The Bible Study Fellowship is a superb study, and what worked for me was the sense of discipline it instilled during my 7-year study with them. Every week for 7 years I would go to the lecture and get the notes. Every day of those years I would be doing homework on a particular passage or text.

Unbeknownst to me, those days, weeks and years of study were really very foundational building blocks in spiritual growth. I wouldn't really trade them for anything.

So in a way it is good for me to leave the class, in order to make way for many on the waitlist whom are trying to get in and enjoy the privilege of studying and understanding God's truth for themselves.

And it is also time for me to teach and share what I have gained.

Avner Complex.... not!

2007-06-30T12:40:00.001+08:00

Shikes.

Double shikes.

Methinks that's really all I can say about not blogging for ...(gasp!) almost two weeks since the last post! Other than the fact that not much has happened - my hard disk with all those wonderful Tokyo pixs can't be posted coz there was a connection flaw; the wound where they stitched up my arm after the surgery spawned into a huge, fat caterpillar scar (my friend suspects its coz of the Vit E), my arm - nerve injury returned; I suddenly had a deluge of jobs (good news for paying off Hanoi trip); I discovered I had an eyelash allergy; watched Fantastic Four and Transformers (the latter was surprisingly entertaining); and both my toilets need fixing.

Oh yeah, I finished George Jonas' "Vengeance" in two days. Pageturner it was, at least for me. Even after I had watched the Spielberg version months before; about a hit team led by "Avner", sent to hunt and assasinate the terrorists whom the Mossad were convinced had perpetrated the Munich Olympic massacre in 1972.

Strange that in a twist of circumstances, the book should end up in my hands. It actually belonged to a friend who loaned it to his friend, who incidentally kept it for a long, long time before returning it when her employment ended. From one hand to another, the book was passed to me. I happened to have some time to kill while waiting for my car to be serviced and opened it. Once I started, there was no stopping. Until two days later, that is...

What captivated me, more than the intrigue of international espionage, was the blow-by-blow account of the Munich massacre - the brutality and spine-chilling account of how the Israeli athletes were slain... the evil face of terrorism - and later, the paradoxical concept of retaliation by the "victims" themselves. Terrorism, counter-terrorism... are they any different? Doesn't both sides comprise people with the same fears, dedication and weaknesses?

To a micro extent, it drew me back to my task at hand. Hanoi. The thought that occupied me mostly was how to get everyone there and back in one piece. To tell the truth, this thought concerned me more than "what kind of impact" we were going to make there. That I leave to God. Tell me my focus is wrong, or that I am not trusting enough, etc etc... but what really concerns me is that I am taking some people to a strange place and I am in a way responsible for their safety.

Of course, I know that all will turn out as purposed (Rom 8:28) and a good understanding of that purpose is necessary to ease the taut between the tensions.

As the day draws nearer, I find myself, eager, and yet unprepared. Though I have prepared all I possibly could. I have told people a million times that a flexible attitude is the greatest asset. Yet to what extent should I allow flexibility? What kinda decisions would I be making when we are out there, decisions that could affect another person's life? What kind of mistakes are deemed too costly?

Wisdom, yes. Courage, I need plenty.

On one hand, this could be seen as a girl scouts' outing. But as it is, nothing is ever what it seems on the surface. God's ways are not man's ways. There is a sudden rush even as I type this, a feeling of that hint of the unexpected, the danger, the risk; and yet knowing that God will not allow more than what we can bear. Would I be a good leader? I really dunno, hey, I am just doing this because I was asked to volunteer, ok?

Whatever happens- good, bad, ugly - one thing is for sure. We are all moving one step nearer to understanding the call and destiny in Christ.

How we get there.... is another story for another post in the future.

Hiccup-ed

2007-06-13T14:20:00.001+08:00

Shikes.... I had not blogged since coming back from Tokyo... have a good reason for it too - I got an external disk to store all my stuff but there was a connection problem with the port and I could not get it to work... AND all my photos are inside! So... since I've somehow gotten the thing to work, there will be some furious blogging coming up soon. (Yeah, yeah, yeah...)

Living in a Fishbowl

2007-05-19T16:41:00.001+08:00

Less than a week ago, I met my cousin at the wet market. I needed her help to choose a yam for a pork dish I was making, and hence looked her up at the meat section. My cousin is in her 50s, has three grown-up kids and helps her butcher husband at his stall.

We got talking. She asked me about what I had planned for the future. "Have you set some savings aside to at least buy yourself a house or somewhere to stay in?" she asked, concerned that I would grow old and end up on the streets.

"Nope. I don't worry much about these things..."

She gasped, "No, no... you m-u-s-t prepare for it," she insisted, and continued to tell me the benefits of property ownership when suddenly, she stopped herself short.

"Oh, I forgot that you are a Christian," she said. Then she continued, "and therefore you have a different direction in life. You are preoccupied with something else..."

She seemed pretty satisfied as she concluded her own opinion about me, and did not push the matter any further.

I was gobsmacked. I had never talked to her about my faith, as we never really had the chance to talk to each other over the years, despite staying relatively closeby. So I was surprised she said what she did.

Boy, you'll never know who's watching you.

Serious Blessing

2007-05-18T18:59:00.002+08:00

When God blesses, the unbelievable happens.

Just Tuesday afternoon, a bright and sunny day at that, my friend Crystal called up and asked, "Hey, you wanna go Japan next week?" I went like, "Huh? You mean eat at a Japanese restaurant, right?" She said, "No. Do you want to go to Japan next week?"

I was still in a blur. I mean, how do you respond to a question like that? Besides, I was mired deep in work, re-drafting scripts and profiles, cooking, going to the wet market, doing the housewife gig...sigh.

"So do you want to go or not?" Crystal jolted me back into reality... "We can go watch the premiere of Pirates of the Carribean 3!"

"What??????" I almost shouted over the phone. "Premiere? In Tokyo? Holy Flip! YES!!!"

Turned out Crystal won the grand prize of the Buena Vista-Channel V contest, so both of us are going to the Nippon Budokan to watch Pirates 3, all expenses paid plus Tokyo tour thrown in and meeting the filmmakers and actors in person. Wow!

All that happened at 3pm. Ninety minutes later, I was the last person at the immigration counter renewing my passport. I was 5 minutes late and had to plead and beg them to process my passport that day itself. They did. Then it was a flurry of activities to apply for the visa, plan the trip, reschedule my work, etc etc.

I didn't sleep much for the next two days. This is a serious blessing from God. The visa didn't cost me anything, I discovered Disney has sponsored the entire trip and we needn't worry about a thing! The package tour included accommodation at the 5-Star New Otani Hotel, a day's tour of the city and of course, the red carpet premiere with the main cast of Pirates along with moghul producer Jerry Bruckheimer. Then there is the River Cruise Dinner after the premiere! The entire trip would have cost us more than RM9k each and now we are only paying RM700++ per pax for the airport tax and insurance!

I think I can die.

Just the last couple months there has been steadily mounting pressure from home. Mom fell sick and slipped into hyperchondria, my family seemed to be falling apart in terms of communication and getting along with each other. I started to take care of my mom and to cook. Dad's temper grew from worse to intolerable. Everyone had extra things to do and we are not really taking it too gallantly, I admit. Just when things threathened to boil over, Japan burst into the scene.

My take? God knows our needs, and He knows how much we can take. He knows what we are made of. Just as I was about to break, God came in with a wonderful, unexpected surprise in the form this trip. How He cares! There is no doubt that His hand is in my life - through the crappy times and the good ones. I serve a wonderful, caring and intimate God Who cares deeply and gives the right gifts at the right time.

So now I am furiously printing namecards (gotta pass one to Bruckheimer when I get the chance!), changing money, getting my work stuff outta the way so I can go next week! Not planning to buy anything coz it is too expensive, but definitely gonna take loads of pictures!

How we wish our friends Ivy and Gracey can come with us too!!!!! (They had to work and there were only tickets for two). But they wished us well and asked us to buy a tonne of stuff for them when are there. :)

So there! In less than 48 hours we would be onna plane heading East. Excited. But still got work finish off... and people to meet before flying off.

Life is good.

Because God is great.

Selective Memory

2007-05-01T11:39:00.001+08:00

"How can it be..." asked Gracey, "that you can remember Bible verses, but cannot even recall what I told you couple days back?" We were both sitting in her car, on our way to a slumber night on the eve of Labour Day holiday.

I suppose I am getting old. And old (ok-ageing) people have decaying grey matter. And it's a matter of time before one becomes really selective of things to retain in that cranium cavity of limited storage capacity.

"Well," I began, "I think I have..."

"Selective memory" we both chorused. And laughed.

It is true. As my brain groans under the pressure of information overload, it goes into automatic overdrive and keeps only what it thinks is important. OK, what I think is important.

So I need to be reminded of appointments as they get nearer, I forget where I left my things and I am kinda generally absent-minded about the nitty-gritty of daily life... all at the expense of attempting to be sharp and incisive in slicing and dividing the Word of Truth.

It is a wonderful trade-off.

Good Kinda Thickening...

2007-04-30T14:37:00.002+08:00

"I never saw Genesis quite that way before," Allan said last Saturday, during the end of our year-long study on the first book of the Bible. It was a year of postponed studies, missed appointments and arguements over discussions. It was also a year filled with attempts to study God's word in a disciplined manner; of fellowship and of bonding.

How quickly that year passed.

So when I posed the question, "Do you guys wanna continue studying the Bible?" it was met with an enthusiastic "Yes!" But... I said... if we were to continue into Year 2, they would not have it so easy any longer. They were threathened with MORE homework, which of course, meant heavier preparation on my part.

LP and Allan each took like 5 seconds to vote "aye". I really wanted to pat them on their backs and congratulate them. It has not been an easy year, and just to make time for Bible study was a challenge every week. Both had super-duper work commitments which took them away for hours and hours. And when they are finally free over the weekend, Bea's family commitments had to be juggled and thrown into the mix. Not easy indeed.

So, now we are on to Year 2. Just like that. We will inductively study the book of Philemon before going to The Life of Moses (Exodus - Deuteronomy).

Then all of a sudden, another friend expressed interest to join the study and even offered to open up her house for it! Hmmm... the plot thickens... but some thickening are of the good kind. :)

Revealed...

2007-04-10T10:20:00.002+08:00

I started a serious study on the book of Revelation six months ago. It began with much trepidation, namely because I did not want to get sucked into any of the several views that had been used for years to interpret it. It was a Catch 22 situation - if I do not attempt to study it, I will not even have o-n-e view.

Hence I started by just observing the text, aided by my tutor, an experienced Bible teacher who was willing to meet me one-on-one to impart her knowledge.

Revelation is the last book in the Bible and actually, it should be named The Revelation of Jesus Christ, becoz that is what the entire book is about. Forget about Left Behind junkies and the myriad upon myriad tonnes of material available in bookstores with titles like Armageddon and Unlocking Last Days' Prophecies, etc, etc. Just study the text the way it is presented. Don't complicate life.

Revelation is not as confusing and intimidating as I first thought it to be. All that was needed was an understanding of the type of literature it is, its purpose to the original reader, and the historical context in which it was written.

Of course the various ways of interpreting it still hold sway, depending on which camp you happen to fall under. But in its gist, Revelation was written to Christians undergoing persecution, along with warnings and exhortation. In a nutshell, "we win!"

Revelation is special as it encompasses 4 major kinds of literature of its day - epistles, apocalyptic, prophetic and historical. One common approach to this book is to pin down a 'date' or 'event' in which we use to interpret Last Days. This approach is not only faulty, but dangerous as it reduces the book to a formulaic almanac of sorts. It is not!

Bearing in mind that it is written for the specific purpose to encourage Christians under persecution to have patient endurance and to be overcomers, Revelation has been largely misunderstood due to its nature as prophetic literature and also the fluidity of its pictorial language.

However, rather than hindering it, the visually-heavy language of the book actually paints a glorious landscape of Christ in His second coming. No more do we see Jesus as "meek and mild". Here He is the King and Judge. The author Apostle John, now in his 90s, wrote the book while being a political exile for his faith in the tiny island of Patmos. The last time John saw Jesus, the Lord washed his feet, died on the cross, arose and was caught up in heaven. That was almost 60 years ago. Now John is old and bent and a prisoner. When Jesus appeared to him, John fell face down in fear. This Jesus is totally different from what he remembered. This Jesus had hair that was white, eyes like fire, face like the shinning sun and voice of many waters.

(To appreciate the situation then, Christians were persecuted under the Roman Empire with Nero and then Domitian. The persecution often involved killings of Christians for sport a'la Gladiator where those who refused to renounce their faith were fed alive to hungry lions while the bloodthirsty stadium crowd cheered on.)

Now imagine being a Christian during that time. You are hungry, poor, naked and worse... going to be lion fodder soon. Just because you won't say "I am not a Christian" in the presence of some Imperial bigwig. There only way out for you is a cruel death in a public execution. Your friends and family deserted you. You are totally alone.

And in this instance Jesus appears to you. He says..."I am the Alpha and Omega" (I am the Beginning and the End).

Imagine how much that meant to the original reader.

In the light of God's greatness and glory, our sufferings matter so little. It is us who need His grace, for we suffer but for a short while, compared to the rewards of eternity! For when that Day comes, when the cosmos melts down and the mountains and the sea are no more; when the sky is rolled back like a scroll; when all the inhabitants of the earth run to the caves and plead for the mountains to fall on them (rather than to face the wrath of God), those who have suffered and awaited long for His coming will be able to sing... "It is well with my soul".

Come, Lord Jesus!

Mission team to...?

2007-04-03T20:08:00.001+08:00

Ok. Here is the question... do I lead a mission team to Thailand, Myanmar, Vietnam or rural Malaysia in July?

The "spiritual" answer: Pray about it and let God decide.

The "carnal" answer: Look into affordability, the condition of my health and what kinda job opportunities that would be foregone.

My answer: I dunno. For the moment.

The team participants will consist mostly internationals and the assignment is a two-week outreach in any of the countries designated above. And if I don't know Operation Mobilisation any better, I would be thinking it would be a guided mission tour. However, experience strongly attest to the contrary - with nights out in the open airports in the bitter cold, missed trains, busses, non-existent time to prepare programs (hence the flexibility to "just wing it" is a great asset), and tendency to gravitate towards Murphy's Law - anything that goes wrong WILL go wrong.

So it never ceased to amaze me how our human foibles can actually accomplish God's plans. I mean, He doesn't wait for us to get it right... and in fact, He often times lets us get it totally wrong... so that His marvels can be shown. Hey, let no flesh glory in the work of God, man!

So I have no idea what my team is gonna be like. I have no inkling what the schedules are, nor what I will be in for during the three weeks (one-week conference + two weeks' outreach) in July. But hey, God has not let me down yet, and I know He never will. Whatever the future's gonna hold for this team of His is anyone's guess. But I have a strong feeling that someone will be touched, changed and challenged to consider world missions as their path for life.

And that is why I am going.

Gluttony to the maxx!

2007-04-03T17:55:00.001+08:00

"What's so great about Sitiawan that you'ld go there twice in 3 months?" a friend asked.

Now here is a question I half-expect, especially from urbanite friends who would think the only thing notable about that settlement near the coast is their birdnest trade. Actually birdnest is only one of the many food products this enterprising community came up with over the years.

There are the famous Kampung Koh chilly sauce, mee sua and soy sauce to name a few. So when we went up to Gracey's house to continue our erm... "Makansutra" escapade during last Chinese New Year, we made sure we emptied our stomachs for the long haul eating session.

Crystal and I took a bus up to the Sitiawan bus stop, where Gracey was supposeda pick us. However before she could arrive, we already crossed the street to check out the Cendol stall before it closed for the day. And it was a good thing too, because we just managed to get the last bowl of special Cendol with glutinous rice. Phew...

Then it was eating, eating and eating all day long for the next two days, even when we arrived at Ivy's house in nearby Teluk Intan. Words exhaust me, but suffice to say that we were disgustingly, shamelessly fed, and fed well too. Of course, other than eating we saw some sights... the ahem, Leaning Tower of Teluk Intan (pix) happened to be one of them.

Anyway, we we really delighted to find the friendly neighbourhood ice-cream man peddling his ware! Haven't seen this kinda sight for like... more than 2 decades!!!! We all stuffed faces with double-scooped ice-cream in between our eating sessions.

And after all that eating, Gracey and I burped in satisfaction... while waiting for the next meal.

No Melanoma!

2007-03-31T11:43:00.001+08:00

The biopsy results are out.

That patch on my arm is a bundle of spindle cells, what the doc diagnosed as micro-fibroma. Benign but recommended to be taken out sonnest possible.

Yay.

But I would have to refrain from using my left arm for another month after the operation on 12th April. Which means no swimming or driving until mid-May. :(

Still, I am happy its not melanoma.

Some Skin Less

2007-03-28T20:21:00.001+08:00

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A couple of weeks ago I went for a skin biopsy and MRI one day apart from each other. For me, it was a first time for both procedures, although I had a biopsy done few years ago prior to a lumpectomy. The skin biopsy was done at the dermatologist's request since there was a strange mole growing at the back of my underarm near the shoulder joint. The procedure involved extracting a slice of skin where the mole is, and sewing the incision shut.

I hadda go under local anaesthetic for this, so I promptly arrived at the hospital's minor operating theatre one cheerful weekday morning, aptly armed with Michael Griffith's "Take My Life". (That is a good book to read should you want to get serious with your faith).

The dermatologist called me in, told me to change into the hospital gown, took photos of the mole and told me to lie down on my side on the operating table. She then spread the big sheet of surgical paper on the mole and started to poke it.

"Does this hurt?"

"Yeah."

"OK, I'll give you the jab now."

"Ouch."

She started poking the other parts and it hurt too, so she gave me a second jab. By the time the second injection sank in, I lost all sensation and wouldn't have realised she was cutting away at my skin had it not been for the scraping noises.

Well, there was an uncomfortable silence. I was lying on my side with a paper covering my shoulder and dermatologist behind me carving out my skin. So I did what I always do when I am nervous / bored. I asked questions.

"What's that red socket on the wall for, eh?"

"What red socket?" asked the dermatologist, amid scraping noises.

"The one next to the normal white one."

"Oh, that's for blackout emergencies." the staff nurse butted in.

"Really?" asked the dermatologist.

"Yeah, all operating theatres have an alternate energy supply."

"Oh, I didn't know that," said dermatologist.

Well, I sure hope she knew what she was doing to my skin. When she was done, I had three stitches which came off two days ago, leaving three rather ugly needle holes. The biopsy results will be out tomorrow.

POV inside a Coffin

2007-03-27T16:34:00.002+08:00

"Oh, oh... what did I get myself into?" I wondered as the nurse clapsed a cage across my face, locked my head in position and began to press a button to slide me into the MRI tunnel. All around me were crackling and buzzing noises. I was strapped to the sliding table, hands and feet unable to move. Can't even scratch my nose or slide my bangs. Felt like a science-fiction movie gone terribly wrong.

"Don't worry about the noises inside, ok? It's normal" the nurse coo-ed in her most reassuring tone. *Sure, now where have I heard that before?*

"How long am I supposeda be in there?" I asked.

"Thirty minutes."

What? Thirty minutes immobilised inside a coffin contraption? What kinda nonsense is this? Why wasn't I told this earlier? I waited three months for this appointment, and in between that the hospital called me twice and made me wait another 90 minutes in the waiting room prior to the procedure and no one told me it would be like this???

Somehow I didn't think the nurse / radiologist would be jumping in eager anticipation to hear what's on my mind, so I kept quiet, swallowed hard and hoped that my nose wouldn't itch for the next half an hour.

"Hold on to this," she said, pushing a call-button device into my hand, "press if you need anything."

It was so cold. Sterile. The nurse spread a blanket over me. I started to slide into the sinister machine that opened up to swallow me whole. The examination room disappeared into the far horizon at my feet. I was totally inside the belly of the machine. Tunneled-in. Trapped.

Man, if I were to ever have a first-eye POV (point of view) of what its like to lie inside a closed coffin, this would come really close. It is deadly silent. For a moment. Then a buzz pierced the air. Then humming. Crackling. Then all at once there were noises all around me! It was deafening, and I admit, unnerving.

I started to think about being inside a real coffin. Death is a reality for all, but no one really cares to think seriously about it. It is a certainty that we move closer to everyday, whether we like it or not.

I thought about death that day inside the MRI machine, and I am thankful that I know for sure I could still crawl out of that tunnel when the 30 minutes are up. But what about those who may not even have the 30 minutes to live?

Life is too short. Like vapour. When it is my turn to lie in a real coffin, I don't want to be leaving behind a trail of regret and sorrow of what might have been. And I am really grateful I still have the time to play my cards right.

The results of the MRI came out.

Everything's normal.

Watch the Lamb

2007-03-07T21:08:00.001+08:00

The first time I heard this song I was in a cabin onboard the Doulos in '96. Some crewmates were miming to it, and my first thought was: "I have to listen to it again!" The lyrics were strong, powerful and piercing. I quickly decided that I wanted to learn to mime this song too. I did.

I don't remember how many ports we stopped and the number of times we performed it, but it seems like this haunting melody has been with me forever. Everytime I sing it (we have to know the lyrics before we can mime), I am brought back to the cross. Again and again.

The song is sung from the perspective of Simon of Cyrene, whom the Bible described as the person who carried Jesus' cross for him on the way to Golgotha where the crucification took place. (One little thing here is that, although no one is actually able to attest to the racial origin of Simon of Cyrene, he was believed to be darker-skinned as Cyrene was part of North Africa). It is also believed that his two young sons Alexander and Rufus later became well-known in the Christian community in Rome.

To me, this song is a slice of an ordinary life colliding with a great and painful moment in world history. It brings out, blow-by blow, the cruelty of the cross and the terrible price it exacted on Jesus. May we never forget what it cost Jesus to bring us back to God.

Tickets and A Theological Moment...

2007-03-07T11:59:00.001+08:00

A credit card company was giving out free movie tickets in return for usage above a certain amount, at a roadshow I helped organise last year. The tickets were admission for the premiere screening of a summer blockbuster, and hence were much coveted.

I saw how people queued up early and rushed to redeem the tickets, even to the point of carelessly charging their cards just to get a shot at the screening. And I saw how their faces fell when they were told the tickets had all been given out. They walked away with their heads lowered. Just because they missed the window timeframe for the redemption.

Redemption is of course a commercial term, used in ancient times for the buying and selling of commodity, mainly for the transaction involving slaves. It particularly refers to the purchase of a slave in order to set the slave free. In that sense, it is the most wonderful word in all Christian vocabulary. Jesus' redemption of us from our sins have made us free from the slavery of sin and death.

As I looked at the crowd who thronged the movie ticket redemtion counter that day, I saw faces lined with hope, anticipation and excitement. They wanted the tickets, they were willing to wait, beg, steal or borrow for them!

What a stark contrast to people's reaction when the offer of Christ's redemption is made to them. (No clambering here for the first place). Truly we do not value nor desire God, eternal life and all those invisible things promised in the Bible. We don't care for the free ticket to heaven. We have lost all sense of affinity for those things, being conditioned by the flesh. We make excuses and console ourselves, all the while headed for hell. And we chose to do so.

American theologian Jonathan Edwards opined that our choices are determined by what we think is the most desirable course of action. So why don't men choose God? Has sin has so blurred their vision that they do not consider righteousness to be the way of personal fulfillment?

I am a movie freak. So I fall into the category of the lesser beings who would 'kill and maim' for the movie tickets. And it is a constant battle to choose between what my minds thinks is most desirable, to what the Word says is best.

And yes, I did manage to get tickets to the premiere screening. They were given to me without being asked.

Surviving Spiritual Responsibility

2007-03-06T17:37:00.001+08:00

What happens when you become a parent?

Ask any parent and they will tell you how their lives had been turned upside -down (in a good way) in that irreversible rite of passage.

But what happens when you become spiritual parent to your parents?

Ah.

(This is not a trick question).

What I find amazing about following Jesus is that life continues to throw curveball surprises. Never a dull moment with God. So I find myself in this situation where I am (reluctantly) a spiritual parent to my mom and dad. By spiritual parenting I mean being the person who is concerned and overseeing their spiritual state and a constant presence around them where they are reminded of their allegiance to Christ.

The great thing about this is that I can be myself in speech, behaviour and responses while attempting to live my life in Jesus the best I can. They see my struggles, outbursts and failures and they witness first-hand how Jesus catches me everytime I fall. A real-life drama played out daily at home. With no commercial breaks. Reality shows don't get any more original than this!

The suckky thing is that they have strong opinions formed over their collected lifetimes of over 100 years... and lifelong habits are hard to change. I have to remind myself of that everytime I get frustrated when they don't seem to register that God's ways are worth following. Everytime I try to prod, encourage and persuade I get this retort: "So now you think you know more than us about (whatever)...?" At which point I usually just clam up after feeling the futility of it all. (I really shouldn't... God's word has the power to change people... but in reality I often wonder if it works with my family).

I think the best way to survive spiritual parenthood to your own parents, esp if they are really old, is not to expect too much. Expect God to work in them somehow, but don't even put a timeframe where results are concerned. If God has called to such a role, the burden is His and He will bring along the real, lasting transformation.

Mole in the Arm

2007-03-05T20:29:00.001+08:00

"Hey, what's that thing on your arm?" my friend asked over lunch two weeks ago.

"Nothing, it's just a mole." I replied.

"Looks like an awfully big mole..." he continued.

"Yeah, it grew."

He suddenly turned and looked at me, concerned. "You better get it looked at."

"OK."

Of course I forgot all about it. It was just a tiny mole about a year ago when I first discovered it... or maybe slightly longer, I don't remember. Anyways it is tucked on the far end back side of my arm and usually would not be noticeable unless I have a sleeveless shirt on. To my surprise, it had grown to about an inch in diameter.

Yesterday another friend saw it and asked the same question. When I replied her, she turned grave. She has had surgery to remove a neck tumour, a hysterectomy and now discovered another tumour on her jugular. She insisted I saw a doctor about the growing, painless, hairless mole on my left arm.

So I called my doctor friend. He sounded worried when I told him my symptoms and will help me locate a dermatologist at the hospital. I'll speak to him again tomorrow, and hopefully find out how to maneuveur my way around this derma-adventure.

I thought about dying. I imagined various scenarios - bedridden, sick, funeral. I could visualise it... only up to the point where I know Jesus would open his arms and welcome me Home. Nothing beyond that.

I cannot imagine heaven. What it would be like... what the colours would be, what kind of songs would be sung there, how the saints of old would look like, what my new body would be... and what would Jesus be wearing.

Isn't it weird that people think Jesus walks around in a long, white flowing robe? We are so conditioned by the impressions of artists throughout the ages. I won't be surprised the Jesus I finally meet looks nothing like what I have seen. In the same vein, here is a piece on the relevance and dangers of religious movies. "...films cannot be used to present the Scriptures visually without becoming idolatrous. Not only are the images historically false (they are conjured up from the imagination of a screenwriter of director) but they must also conform to the mechanics of the medium (acting, cinematography, art direction, music, sound effects, etc) which are designed to manipulate the senses and emotions for dramatic purposes..."

Jesus can only be whom He is described to me in the Word.

Starting the New Year

2007-02-27T11:58:00.001+08:00

Yes, yes, yes.... the CNY madness is finally over! At least for me la. There're about 5 more days before Chap Goh Mei arrives to mark the end of the celebrations for the year of the Golden Boar, but I am already back at work. Things are slow of course, which is a blessing coz my mom still needs a lot of attention.

Just yesterday I spent the entire morning and afternoon driving her to Assunta again to get her tests done. Turned out she has urinary tract infection and we are still awaiting the results of her tumour marker. By the way, the prices in private hospitals defy the law of gravity - just urine and blood tests made us poorer by RM420!

While waiting for her results, I drove to the bank and of course, with the wonderful town planning system in State PJ, there was not a single parking bay available. Circled the area for 45 minutes before finally landing on an empty lot behind a row of shops. Went straight to the customer service centre in the bank - was told to wait to be served while 2 new accounts were being opened. I filled out a form and handed it over to the bank staff, who told me I should hand over my passbook as well. Oh darn, the thing is in my car. At this time a crowd was swelling around the counter. So I told the staff to keep my line while I go bring the passbook. She said ok.

When I returned to the counter I was told there was now an additional 2 more new accounts, courtesy of the lady who was behind me in the line earlier. So now I hadda wait for 4 new accounts to be opened before I could be served. I c0mplied since I did not want to kick up a fuss.. 40 minutes of standing later, I was about to be served when another lady stepped up to the counter and asked the staff, "hey, can you serve me first, I am only going to collect my chequebook..." The bank staff was about to attend to her request, when I firmly demanded to be served. And when I put up an angry front, I got served.

The wheel that makes the most noise gets the grease.

Such a sad state of affairs...

My Father(s)

2007-02-19T22:25:00.001+08:00

I have four. One biological, two adopted and One starts with a capital F. When I was 29 I learnt that I had problems relating to #4, simply because I had a distorted perception of how a father should be.

I was unable to trust God, nor any male authority figure. It had been a prevailing condition throughout my life and I was unable to change it. It was an intensely heartbreaking discovery, as it meant amongst other things, I had arrived at an impasse in my relationship with God.

During the months that followed, I was a walking zombie - the lingering effect of being shaken to the core. I ate, slept and went about my business in a perpetual daze, not caring (unable to care) much what happened to myself nor those around me. This revelation left me injured and totally vulnerable.

Memory was kinder in the years that passed. I soon learnt that time can somewhat numb the pain, though not fully eradicating it. I realised that God has placed godly adopted fathers in my life, showing me through tangible means that His Fatherhood is different. There were other godly men and husbands which were strewn along my path too, slowly wiping out the distortion, giving life and newness to what was once maimed and wanting.

Then God brought me home - charged with this new awareness - to face my dysfunctional family. It is not the easiest thing to do, but then we were not promised ease of life and comfort. In fact, just the opposite is to be expected; for those who aspire to live a godly life should be prepared for persecution (2 Tim 3:12).

My perception of Fatherhood is constantly being challenged, namely because I live in an environment which demands it. I see the disparity between what I know to be truth and what I experience. And as the saying goes, experience is a powerful teacher.

Living between the tension.

Obedience is better than sacrifice or any other rational excuses.

Housemaid-ing Season

2007-02-09T21:21:00.001+08:00

If I ever wanted to know how a foreign maid feels in a Malaysian household, I would have asked our former maid Asti. But nope, no chance of that ever happening now since she's gone, and every other able-bodied female in my house is knocked out by this vicious viral fever... I am left alone to tackle all the household chores. How wonderful.

So every morning I wake up to clean and prepare food for my fever-ridden niece, my sick family, and the other members of my family who aren't sick. Then in the blink of an eye the afternoon would be upon us and there's lunch to prepare. All too soon, dinner will arrive. Cleaning, marketing, cooking, nanny-ing, driving on errands.

I am tired. I am really tired.

I salute those housewives who juggle all these and still maintain their sanity, of which I am precariously hanging on thin shreds (and I am not even a housewife). But after all that drudge and crap, there's this relief... joy... when everyone comes home at night and gathers and eat. The effort of the day just seem to melt away.

Oh dear, I sure hope I am not losing it.

The Day I Survived

2007-02-07T00:05:00.002+08:00

This is such a weird day.

Woke up early to check my mom outta hospital. Still groogy after yesterday's fever antibiotics. Arrived hospital at 9am-ish. Walked to the ward while talking on the phone. Before I knew it, I stepped on a small patch of water on the floor, slipped and fell on my back. The nurses rushed to me. They hoisted me up and put me on my mom's bed nearby. The doctor arrived and asked me if I needed attention. The ward sister came to take down my details (in case I needed hospitalisation).

OK, enough embarassment already.

So I shoo-shoo-ed them away (by telling them I was perfectly fine) and after a while, proceeded to a quick brekkie at the cafeteria. Had a slice of marble cake, one milk tea and one Milo. Mom called and said she would be able to check out the same day.

Yay!!!!

BUT we hadda wait. OK, I can wait. One hour passed, two hours... and meanwhile, I was developing symptoms of having a seizure attack. Not good. Not good at all.

I went back to ward nurse to ask for a bed. She said the hospital beds were full but there're some seats at the corridor I can use, or else there's also a wheeled stretcher without brakes. I opted for seats. When I saw those single rattan chairs, I groaned. The're no way I can lie comfortably on those.

So I cramped myself in feotal position and snugged into two single chairs facing each other. It was really awkward and I was uncomfortable, but it was better than no lie-down place at all. I switched positions several times but they were all equally uncomfortable. Meanwhile, my phone kept ringing.

I don't know how but I managed to get some sleep. Too soon, my phone rang again, and it was my mom saying it is time to pay and check out of the hospital. After some ding donging here and there, we finally checked mom out at 3pm, six hours after I had arrived at the hospital.

I was too weak to drive, and WL hadda bring us all home. Left my car in the hospital carpark, and I went home to cook porridge for my mom and myself, before taking my long overdue fever medicine and zonking off till 6.30pm. Then later I hadda retrieve my car from the carpark (but not before dropping by to visit Mrs Tan, the 98-year-old stroke victim from my mom's ward). Mrs Tan's daughter was with her, and she even agreed when I suggested to pray for her. Good, good, good. I may visit her some more in the near future.

Disguished Opportunities

2007-02-03T22:23:00.001+08:00

It was a visitors' party at my mom's hospital room. First there were LP and my dad, followed in quick succession by my aunt and uncle, then my cell hosts, and then my mom's cell members before finally, my cell members came and took me out for dinner.

In between there was this very stimulating conversation going on between the patient in the next bed and I. She was almost in tears when I told her about God's provision in my life. Later I shared Christ with the patient in the far end of the room. She is 96, her lungs are hardened and she practically lays on bed as good as a vegetable but I spoke to her in Mandarin anyway. She looked longingly at me, her eyes welling up with tears. She tried to move her arms every time I touched her (I noticed that her relatives would visit, shout at her and not even touch her). I asked her to repeat the sinners' prayer with me even though she can only say it in her heart.

There is so much hope to be given to a waiting world.

My mother's hospitalisation may be seen as a mishap to some, but for those who perceive, there has never been a better opportunity to share the Gospel.

Today's Reading : Romans 1:16-17

Frog in the Pot

2007-02-03T09:24:00.001+08:00

I am terrified of frogs. Even slaughtered ones. Being Chinese, it is to my embarassment that I have only hesitantly nibbled at the famous Frog Legs with Ginger and Spring Onion dish. And even after that I felt like fumigating my mouth for 2 weeks.

The most horrying experience I had with frogs was when one hopped and latched itself on my calf while I was walking on campus in Hawaii. I screamed and screamed in terror, ran and flagged helplessly. It was such a traumatic experience I don't even remember how the critter finally un-stuck itself.

I hate frogs. Dead or alive.

So when I hadda buy frogmeat in the market today to double-boil it for my hospitalised mom, I made sure I was 2 feet away from the cages filled with live frogs. I quickly made my purchase. The butcher was laughing away at me whilst she grabbed one fat belching frog, clubbed it senseless and continued with the slaughter.

I did not know how my face looked like at that moment, but the butcher's expression while looking at me was one of glee, maybe she was somewhat tickled at the tortured face of a reluctant buyer.

I took home three headless, skinless and webless frogs. The blood was still on them. Cleaned the carcasses up using a pair of disposable chopsticks and a cleaver. My brother and dad were not much help, they just stood and laughed at my fear of contact with dead amphibians. After much effort, one-and-a-half frog(s) ended up in the crockpot with slices of really bitter bittergourd.

I pity my mom who's gonna drink that.

Night Out

2007-02-02T23:51:00.002+08:00

It is also confirmed that I will be staying with my mom at the hospital tonight. Just got back home to pack a few things and head straight for Assunta again. Mom's got a single room and there's an extra armchair-bed for me. Tomorrow I gotta head for the market really early to get er....

1. Frog meat
2. Baby bittergourd

This is so that I can go home and double boil them stuff with a bowl of water and serve them to (poor old) mom! Apparently this concoction worked wonders on my friend's friend.

Nat tested negative for dengue. Phew... at least her parents can sleep soundly tonight.

To Hospital, To Hospital...

2007-02-02T18:28:00.001+08:00

It is confirmed. My mom contracted dengue. Her platlet level is still ok, at 205 per 1000, and the GP says to wait for further tests. But I am checking her into the hospital tonight. At her age, anything can happen. She's worried sick, and rightly so I guess.

Right now we are packing her stuff for the stay. I will prob stay in with her for the night, depending on circumstances. Tomorrow I will be making this herb concoction which is supposedly good for her immune system.

I had better brace myself for the home - hospital - market - home circuit.

Nat is also having fever for the past 5 days. Now her parents are concerned it may be dengue as well. Heck, I am also feeling under the weather the past coupla days...

Just a wild thought - if all of us have dengue it may be easier as we would all be admitted at the same time and can still see each other....

Yeah, right.

Gotta get under the Wings

2007-02-02T12:01:00.001+08:00

Dengue. The word escaped from my mom's mouth as she got into the car to break the news to me. OK, so it's just suspected dengue since she had non-abating fever for 5 days running even with antibiotic intakes. But the doctor wasn't taking chances, especially since she's already 70.

She's worried, about her health, hospital stays, bills, household matters, etc. My mom's a constant worrier, even when she's completely well. I try to un-worry her. In any case, the results will only be known in about 2 hours' time.

This news could not have come at a worse time. Already I am struggling "being at multiple crossroads" in my life, and this process usually saps all the energy outta me.

Today's Reading: Ps 91

Sulking Corner

2007-02-01T10:53:00.001+08:00

Went for the OM meeting and I probably never felt so ...disappointed... in a long time. Because my plans and expectations were not met. Frustrated because whilst I had "put my life on hold" all these years in view of going out again, I find the doors still firmly shut. Angry because nothing is going the way I hoped it would.

Nat threw a tantrum again today, because she wasn't allowed to go out with her mom to the shops. She cried and cried and when that didn't work, she turned around and demanded to have 'substitutes' in place of the thing she was denied. And to state a fact, everyone knows my niece takes after me very closely in temperament. She's definitely a female Chan.

I see a mirror image of myself as I observe her nonsense. Only difference is that we live 30 years apart.

I was so disturbed yesterday. I could not believe God would close the doors. Of course I knew He must have a better plan, a more important job for me here, or mebbe I am just not the person for that "mission job" out there. But honestly, I find it hard to accept that in His time and in His way He will reveal. Still I could not understand why, I could not wait, I wanted an explanation... and I demanded a 'substitute' where I spelt out the terms.

What cheek.

And I wonder why God doesn't speak to me? Why He is silent?

Surrender is so hard for the strong-willed.

Today's reading: Gen 32:22 - 32

Delayed Rebound?

2007-01-25T21:47:00.001+08:00

These...

...were what I bought today. It's been 8 years since I bought anything remotely resembling them. Kinda stopped wearing makeup since I left my country and joined Operation Mobilisation... (missionaries are not supposeda be enamoured by stuff like this, so I reckoned).

OK, so why buy them now since I survived on borrowed makeup all these years?

Last Saturday's dinner was different. I mean, I've been to dozens of dinner events and gotten dolled up couple times a year, but something was different last week. I didn't realise it until I put on the makeup, checked the mirror and... man, it felt really good. I mean, I looked fine (ok, so I looked kinda good) and felt great.

I sure hope it's not a rebound syndrome from "neglecting my appearance" all these years. You know, swinging from one extreme to another and all that. Whatever it is, the stuff's already in the bag, ready for use.

Next: This Saturday's wedding!

Thorns Can Be Good

2007-01-25T17:52:00.001+08:00

So. I seriously do not know what's happening to my body. Get sick once in an average of 2 - 4 weeks, a bone spur, loss of strength in arms, fingers, etc, anaemic and... I am forced to entertain the thought that immortality is grossly overrated. I may meet my mortal end sooner than I think.

Morbid? Yeah. Depressing? Slightly so. Only because I am none too entirely prepared for it. I turn 37 this year. Had some really fantastic life behind me, and I think I am richer than anyone I know coz I already have and done all that matters. However, one thing still leaves me stoked. The rush of seeing the light turn on in someone's heart and mind when they understand Truth.

Yesterday I was a wreck and feeling worse. An impending flu attack left me with terrific headaches, bodyaches and a sinister soreness creeping up my throat. I was frustrated, angry, defeated (being sick makes me this way). As I sought solace in my chatmail, a friend signed in. We exchanged pleasantries, jokes and then started talking about doctrine.

The discussion quickly picked up speed. She asked, I answered. I asked, she replied. In that flurry, something happened. A sudden illumination dawned. Truth visited her. A great work of the Holy Spirit.

God works any way He chooses, but it is in frailty that His strength is most evident... why then, are we so afraid of being weak? Of being helpless?

Grant courage Lord, as not to shy away from pain, from suffering and from the thorn where Your grace is sufficient.

Born Twice, Die Once...

2007-01-13T18:20:00.001+08:00

What we fear is not death, but its process, Henri Nouwen tells us. He has a point there. We all know death is inevitable, but who - except those really old or terminally ill - would give the matter a serious thought?

My friend in YWAM is pushing 60, underwent several major operations, and had 4 friends die on her in the past 2 months (3 of cancer, and another - a young man in his 20s, committed suicide very recently). Shrouded in this morbid atmosphere, she awaits the biopsy results done on one of her breasts.

I have always admired this friend / mentor. She never married and was the one who forged the path showing me that abandoning all for God is not only examplery, but plausible... and ... desirable. A tremendously gifted Bible teacher, she has the rare quality of inspiring her students to want to dig deeper to uncover the truths marvelously encrypted in Scripture. She herself was a diligent student of the Word, a woman of practical wisdom and tender kindness. However, the one thing that made her stand out was her willingness to be vulnerable. To the point of baring her thoughts, like peers do, to me - someone more than 20 years her junior. What an honour and privilege. And what a great blessing.

It is this very distinctive child-like quality in her that reveals her deep, trusting and personal relationship with the Lord Jesus. For a person who's going nearer to the "other world" than she is to ours, she is beginning to ponder on the things that most of us tend to push aside.

Have I lived well?

Have I loved to my fullest?

Am I ready to meet God?

And so I ask myself these questions today too. And to my utter shame, I find that I am ill-prepared to even think of them. And yet, they are the most important questions I would ever have to answer. 1 Cor 3:12 tells of the different rewards Christians get when they meet God. Immediately, pictures of some tangible trophy comes to mind. But as any mature saint would explain, it is Christ Who is our great reward. Heaven is all about being with him in a way that is impossible while we are on earth.

Martha Snell Nicholson , the gifted poet whose verses had been used to bless many, wrote this before she died of long illness in 1957.

When I was an inarticulate child, if anyone had asked me why I was happy (despite the terrible illnesses), I would have replied, "Because it is all true about Jesus." And now, with the silver in my hair and my body bent and twisted, I can still think of no other way to express my joy rather than to say, "Because it is all true about Jesus Christ."

It is all true.

In life and death and the life everlasting.

Link

Year of the Pig(s)

2007-01-05T21:29:00.000+08:00

What a way to start the New Year. Binge-ing and stuffing faces till drop. Two friends and I decided to spend the first two days of 2007 at their hometowns of Teluk Intan and Sitiawan. We had planned a Pangkor trip earlier, but last-minute calls back to work derailed those intentions. So while the reservations were canceled at the 11th hour, Gracey and Ivy said what the heck, we would still go somewhere for the holidays. With no reservations anywhere else (we actually didn't try... what's the point?) the girls decided to head homeward for a quick break.

31 Dec
Arrived Ivy's home in Teluk Intan in time for the NY Countdown. The streets were packed. We passed by the famous Chee Cheong Fun shop (opens 7pm - 7am) and the line was about 15 people long. Too many cars parked there. Decided to give the cff a miss. Reached Ivy's home after midnite. Ate supper, showered and zzzzzzz!!!!!

1 jan
Woke up to the bright sunshine in Ivy's room. Showered. And performed the necessary bodily functions. Brekkie waiting for us at Ivy's mom's stall at a coffee shop nearby... yay!!!! Had CCF and a bit of curry mee. Coffee (yes, yesssss!!!). Then to Gracey's house in Sitiawan. The minute we stepped outta the car, the BuBur Cha Cha was waiting. Happening...lotsa taro, sweet potato cubes and kidney beans in rich, sweeet coconut milk... my favourite! Then the table started filling out with fresh strawberries marinated in plum sauce (slurp!) and this fruitcake baked by a nun. After this inconventional spread of hors d'oeuvres, Gracey's mom took out the killer dish... her Ang Chew Mee Sua. Ok ok, some people may think it's confinement food, but this is actually a popular dish in the Foochow community, with males and females alike. We were salivating when the chicken pieces in the red wine soup was brought out. Munch assault! The vermicelli came. And I would have never guessed the carnivorous Ivy would enjoy this dish as much as she did.

Just as we thought we could not eat anymore, Gracey's dad returned with the famous local Kon Piah, this er - let's just call it a Foochow version of the pizza. The Sitiawan Kon Piah is really different from its Sibu and Kuching cousins. Eat and discover for yourself. Then we drove out to the famous Cendol stall outside the Indian Temple. By this time, my tummy made an overload protest. But I did taste the Cendol - very rich and fresh coconut milk.

Too soon it was dinner time. We were taken to this kinda out-of-bounds lesser-known-to-tourists restaurant, where we gorged ourselves on a feast of Foochow dishes, capped with Irish Cream Bailey's on the rocks. And you'd think people can't die from overeating...

After all that food, we needed to "work out" (to ease the conscience). So it was off to Teluk Batik beachwalk, and then to Lumut Esplanade. Then it rained, and as Gracey would say "so mangkuk", hence we got stuck at the mamak drinking Milo panas.

(I am reeling in disgust as I write this... can't believe what a pig I was).

Jan 2
The only snag to an otherwise perfect slumber experience was the irritating noise from Ivy's cellphone alarm! It rang twice and woke everyone else except the person who had it on. Food was waiting for us when we got up. Didn't even have time to brush teeth properly. Peanut dessert with whole peanuts cooked in glutinous gravy... something like that. Then fruitcake and... rambutans!

"No, no... we have to leave room for lunch" we pleaded. Then got entangled in this conversation with Gracey's dad for about 2 hours talking about comparative religions, etc. We extricated ourselves in time to meet Ivy's parents for lunch. Had another sumptous meal, and I quietly vowed not to eat anything again for the next 24 hours....

30 minutes later Ivy brought us to her friend's coffee shop and ordered us a bowl of Assam Laksa each.

Sigh.

We ate no more the rest of the day. And prob shouldn't for the rest of the year...

Email from the Past

2006-12-26T23:06:00.000+08:00

Pat emailed me today. She hasn't done that since her husband Alistair died. It's been a year since my good friend from Carlisle passed on. What do - should - I write about someone who had been a major part of my life in the faraway boonies of the English Lake District, a land of spectacular landscapes, where the grass is greener than green and every turn a postcard-perfect rendition of nature?

I would always recall with fondness the stunning landscapes of Penrith, Borrowdale, Keswick; but even those could not hold a candle to memories of my friend Alistair, as wicked as his humour was. He would probably have been 60 this year. A self-taught historian and guide at the Carlisle cathedral, his jokes about the local verger and keen appreciation for anything historical (and everything is historical) was what made him, well, great to be with.

Alistair took it upon himself to "educate" me on English and Scottish history. So began the field trips and meals and fireplace conversations that lasted almost 3 years. Thanks to him, I saw the site of the Lockerbie crash, visited obscure and quaint villages, learnt about chieftains and clans and their castles, manors, homes. Buildings and places came alive with their past glories narrated by a learned student... and such was Alistair Davidson, son of the (obviously) Davidson clan. Being with Alistair meant I learnt about different pleats, tartan and crest designs, suits for the infantry throughout the years and you've guessed it... he is an avid modeler. Which means he knew about weapon and artillery designs say... from the medieval era till WW2.

(In return, he got healthy doses of Asian cultural indiosyncrasies and great helpings of Asian food.)

More important than merely being a student of history is the skill of interpretation that makes sense of the present and hopefully, the future. Alistair and I used to have long discourses on God - the sovereign Architect of history. We diverged at the point of being born again.

One cold, unforgiving winter's day, we went fly fishing at the creek. The waters were deep in the countryside so we hadda cross over a farm and walk alongside the fences. All of us (Alistair, Pat, their grandkids Iesha and Angus, and I) were warm inside our windbreakers though the windchill factor was below humane. Alistair cast his line and waited. I did the same and the hook caught my jacket, tearing the fabric in a merciless tow. Great. Wind meets skin. Mine.

Some luck-less hours later, we decided the fish were either:
1. Hibernating or
2. Moved to colder Trans-Atlantic waters to hibernate

So we trudged home, each thinking happy thoughts which included Pat's awesome Yorkshire puddings. At a stopover at the farm, Iesha and Angus patted the pony behind me, which had the snuffles (Later I found out the animal was chewing at the tear in my jacket.)

We arrived home empty handed, but all the more richer for the great company. That turned out to be Alistair's last fishing trip with me. His body was too weak to accommodate another.

Do I miss my friend? Terribly so. Will I see him again? I am not sure. And sometimes I wonder if there was more I could have done for him.

Ah! This side of eternity and all its unanswered questions!

Celestial Steakhouse International

2006-11-13T22:59:00.000+08:00

With an acronym as such, there was no difficulty striking a conversation with the owner of CSI, Gary May, to find out more about his "killer" Cajun dishes. Less said is more, so he promptly strutted out his stuff:

(From top to bottom):
Soup of the day (in this case clear veggie) with the variety of breads and rolls.

New York Cheesecake with strwberry topping and oreo crust. Divine!

Sundae Brownie with pecan and fudge topping. To die for.

(Fr left, back row):
Seafood Quesadillas, BBQ Beef ribs (yummy!!!!) Taco Bowl with special Ranch dressing.

(Fr left, front):
Rainbow trout glazed with honey, pecan and huckleberries; Grilled halibut with Jambalaya rice, Chilly Fries.

Check them out:
B-G-01, Jln SS6/20, Dataran Glomac, Pusat Bandar Kelana Jaya, Selangor.

Not Worth the Compromise

2006-11-12T23:07:00.000+08:00

It was Nick's 11th birthday tonight. Well, technically his birthday was yesterday, but we celebrated it tonight coz there was Krsytle & Jared's wedding yesterday. There were more than 20 people at Nick's bash, mostly adults. I can't believe he's already in Standard Five! Seemed like yesterday when I held him as a newborn, took loads and loads of photos of him, watched as he got disciplined, etc...

During the dinner I had another spasm attack. My facial muscles jammed up first, followed by tingling sensation on my arms. I started to palpitate. Great. Just as I was about to attack the nicest part of the dinner too... in moments like these I really begin to think that I would not be able to outlive the people at the table. Given, some of them are like in their 50s but they seemed to enjoy more robust health.

That's fine with me.

The idea is not to live the longest, but to max it out in obedience to God.

Nick's parents are my godbro and godsis. They took me under their wing when I was a homeless ,persecuted young Christian. Not only that, they invested years of their time and money on me, sacrificed and did things that could only come from Love Above. If it weren't for them and my godparents, I would have become a lesser person.

And in those years they never murmured. Once when I told my godbro how I appreciated him, he said, "you know, one day I hope you be the same person to someone else."

The dinner tonight was not just another birthday party. It was another chance to be thankful for the friends that we have, to drink in the merriment and cherish the bonding - something you can't buy, shouldn't postpone and can never re-enact.

Everytime I met my godbro and godsis, I am reminded never to compromise on my relationships. It is never worth it.

Dammed (up) Place

2006-11-10T10:03:00.000+08:00

Kenyir, Terengganu: No mobile phone coverage. Perfect isolation.

No leeches here, but "ada pacat".

Journey to kelah sanctuary begins here.

Lesung for chilly. Chilly for fish. Fish for hungry people.

Four Sleepless Nights

2006-09-24T22:49:00.000+08:00

I can't believe I spent a couple days just poring over the passage in Gen 22, re: the sacrifice of Isaac. Just for a 75-min study. Why would a good God order such a cruel, inhumane deed? Why didn't Abraham intercede for Isaac the way he petitioned for Lot? And what manner of mental retard is Isaac to allow himself to be bound and sacrificed as a burnt offering - the kind that is killed before being wholly consumed by fire?? I mean, literally toast.

Neatly-packaged answers abound. It was a test for Abraham. God would not allow human sacrifices and deemed it an abomination when the Canaanites practised it those days. Which accounted for why Abraham was prevented from slaying his son at the altar. Many of us would never go through the severe test Abraham did. Scripture does not record whether Abraham really did intercede for his son Isaac to be spared, but we know that he obeyed God immediately when the strange command was given. Later, we realise that the test was for Abraham's own benefit. He needed to know the extent of his love and obedience to God. As for Isaac, well, he was a meek character. Not weak. Huge difference coz meekness is great strength under control. And reveals great faith under wraps. Perfect metaphor for the providence of Christ as the atoning sacrifice for mankind.

The thing I like about the Bible is its no-holds-barred description of events - the characters are real, flawed and human. The problem I have is that it does not give me a picture of God that is comfortable. I am uncomfortable with a God Who does not conform to my understanding. I am uncomfortable with a God Who suddenly pulls the rug under the feet of His saints and subjects them to encounters of the near-delirium type. I am uncomfortable with a God Whom I cannot predict.

Call me a glutton for punishment, but this unknown factor in the equation is actually drawing me like a moth to a lightbulb. So I am convinced God is good, holy, faithful and trustworthy. But He is also dangerously unpredictable. Would I be tested on this kinda scale one day? One part of me hopes not, the other is actually (gasp!) entertaining the prospect, wondering what it would be like.

Dear God, You test Your children to bring out the best possible good. Help me live in daily obedience - for that "easy transit" to the biggie test...

Superman Returns... about time too

2006-06-26T22:46:00.000+08:00

Yay... Superman Returns in 24 hours!

Yup, watching the world premiere at Midvalley, thanks to a friend who got me a pair of free tickets. Honestly never thought I would be watching it two days earlier, since my chances of getting tickets were pretty slim this year. BUT, as chance (or some would say Providence) would have it, my friend called this morning to offer me the tickets (good to have such friends).

So I am going for the 9.30pm show tomorrow with LP. if its gonna be anything like last year's Revenge of The Sith, we gotta place our handphones in the car (lest we gotta surrender them at the cinema entrance) and dress formal. Don't know which is worse. Still, I can hardly wait.

Oh well..

2006-06-09T15:23:00.000+08:00

Sick again... aaargh...

Fever yesterday that blew into massive sore throat and general weakness (er, the kind that makes the entire body quiver and bones ache...)

Sigh.

Hate being sick.

Just as I was about to attack the apple crumble cheesecake too...

(Groan).

Can't Go

2006-05-31T08:46:00.000+08:00

Oh no. Everytime - well, most of everytime - I read a missive of sorts from a missionary, I feel it should have been me out there. Me going and not staying. What's wrong with me? I have been home almost 5 years and I should be settled! Should be thinking about furthering my career, getting married, building a retirement fund, getting on with life, etc. But here I am, thinking how to get back to the field and resisiting my own thoughts at the same time! Talk about mental torture... aaaaargh...

Why I like Toronto

2006-05-30T17:21:00.000+08:00

1. Don & Ollie (tho they are not there anymore... moved to BC)
2. My 6th Aunt
3. Feels like 'home'
4. People are tolerant, courteous, etc
5. Public library every coupla blocks
6. Tim Horton's
7. Love the Fall and Winter
8. I dunno... I can't explain why, but I sure know the way it makes me feel...

Chocolates & Mudslides

2006-05-30T16:41:00.000+08:00

So I spent 3 hours in this chocolate factory. Nice. Swiped some vanillin on my tongue... it's white powder so I could pretend I was clutching a giant bag of heroin waiting for the Feds to close up on me while I hatch an ingenious escape plan outta thin air. Next scene - I am lazing under the Bahamas sun, on a deck chair with reformed Adonis feeding me (peeled & seedless) grapes. Don't blame me. I grew up on pathetic cops and robbers plots on daytime tv.

Anyways, back to chocolate factory. It was just a small outfit but we saw the entire process. It wasn't enough to put me off chocolates forever, not even when they poured the mud sludge into a giant mixer with bits of cereal, nuts and etc. I kept thinking about the mudslides that kill people. Imagine people buried alive in mud, all orifices choking full of muck. Till sludge oozes outta every imaginable outlet in the body.

BUT of course I am not through with chocolate. Not yet anyways. Tho I am slowly but surely losing my sweet tooth.

Working Late

2006-05-29T23:06:00.000+08:00

Aaargh! It's late at night and I am still working. Looking for this diamond-polishing facility which seems to be eluding me past couple days. Sheesh! Doing the costing, planning, schedule for the shoot.... but I kinda like this kinda work, so I guess it is still ok.

MK helped me in my search too, so nice of him. Looking forward to working with him again, haven't done so in almost a year! Yikes... I can't believe I have been off-hands in production for that long! Anyways, I have been busy with other stuff so that's ok.

Spent major part of today preparing and typing Bible study notes for class. After that I drew up the study guide for the next coupla weeks. Should be enough to tide me over till end July.

Sure hope the productions don't clash with the Bible studies. The girls are doing so well. Bea is downloading sermons from the internet and getting herself frazzled in the process, while LP insists she is on her way to becoming an atheist. What great encouragement.

As for me, I sure could do with some excitement in my life... think will pray seriously about trip to Toronto again (my favourite city in the entire world!). Been meaning to visit some friends in BC too. Can't wait to slurp some Tim Horton's hot chocolate and sink my teeth into the doughnuts... aaaaaah!

Dream, dream, dream...

Loneliness

2006-05-26T17:40:00.000+08:00

Need someone to talk to about...

why people pour out their problems unto me and I don't have someone to do the same to?

why do I seem to be disinterestedly out on a hinge in this world?

why do I think so differently?

why am I so wierd?

According to AW Tozer, it's all right. Dig this article below:

The Saint Must Walk Alone

AW Tozer

Most of the world's great souls have been lonely. Loneliness seems to be one price the saint must pay for his saintliness. In the morning of the world (or should we say, in that strange darkness that came soon after the dawn of man's creation), that pious soul, Enoch, walked with God and was not, for God took him; and while it is not stated in so many words, a fair inference is that Enoch walked a path quite apart from his contemporaries.

Another lonely man was Noah who, of all the antediluvians, found grace in the sight of God; and every shred of evidence points to the aloneness of his life even while surrounded by his people.

Again, Abraham had Sarah and Lot, as well as many servants and herdsmen, but who can read his story and the apostolic comment upon it without sensing instantly that he was a man "whose soul was alike a star and dwelt apart"? As far as we know not one word did God ever speak to him in the company of men. Face down he communed with his God, and the innate dignity of the man forbade that he assume this posture in the presence of others. How sweet and solemn was the scene that night of the sacrifice when he saw the lamps of fire moving between the pieces of offering. There, alone with a horror of great darkness upon him, he heard the voice of God and knew that he was a man marked for divine favor.

Moses also was a man apart. While yet attached to the court of Pharaoh he took long walks alone, and during one of these walks while far removed from the crowds he saw an Egyptian and a Hebrew fighting and came to the rescue of his countryman. After the resultant break with Egypt he dwelt in almost complete seclusion in the desert. There, while he watched his sheep alone, the wonder of the burning bush appeared to him, and later on the peak of Sinai he crouched alone to gaze in fascinated awe at the Presence, partly hidden, partly disclosed, within the cloud and fire.

The prophets of pre-Christian times differed widely from each other, but one mark they bore in common was their enforced loneliness. They loved their people and gloried in the religion of the fathers, but their loyalty to the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, and their zeal for the welfare of the nation of Israel drove them away from the crowd and into long periods of heaviness. "I am become a stranger unto my brethren, and an alien unto my mother's children," cried one and unwittingly spoke for all the rest.

Most revealing of all is the sight of that One of whom Moses and all the prophets did write, treading His lonely way to the cross. His deep loneliness was unrelieved by the presence of the multitudes.

He died alone in the darkness hidden from the sight of mortal man and no one saw Him when He arose triumphant and walked out of the tomb, though many saw Him afterward and bore witness to what they saw.

There are some things too sacred for any eye but God's to look upon. The curiosity, the clamor, the well-meant but blundering effort to help can only hinder the waiting soul and make unlikely if not impossible the communication of the secret message of God to the worshiping heart.

Sometimes we react by a kind of religious reflex and repeat dutifully the proper words and phrases even though they fail to express our real feelings and lack the authenticity of personal experience. Right now is such a time. A certain conventional loyalty may lead some who hear this unfamiliar truth expressed for the first time to say brightly, "Oh, I am never lonely. Christ said, `I will never leave you nor forsake you,' and `Lo, I am with you alway.' How can I be lonely when Jesus is with me?"

Now I do not want to reflect on the sincerity of any Christian soul, but this stock testimony is too neat to be real. It is obviously what the speaker thinks should be true rather than what he has proved to be true by the test of experience. This cheerful denial of loneliness proves only that the speaker has never walked with God without the support and encouragement afforded him by society. The sense of companionship which he mistakenly attributes to the presence of Christ may and probably does arise from the presence of friendly people. Always remember: you cannot carry a cross in company. Though a man were surrounded by a vast crowd, his cross is his alone and his carrying of it marks him as a man apart. Society has turned against him; otherwise he would have no cross. No one is a friend to the man with a cross. "They all forsook Him, and fled."

The pain of loneliness arises from the constitution of our nature. God made us for each other. The desire for human companionship is completely natural and right. The loneliness of the Christian results from his walk with God in an ungodly world, a walk that must often take him away from the fellowship of good Christians as well as from that of the unregenerate world. His God-given instincts cry out for companionship with others of his kind, others who can understand his longings, his aspirations, his absorption in the love of Christ; and because within his circle of friends there are so few who share inner experiences, he is forced to walk alone. The unsatisfied longings of the prophets for human understanding caused them to cry out in their complaint, and even our Lord Himself suffered in the same way.

The man who has passed on into the divine Presence in actual inner experience will not find many who understand him. A certain amount of social fellowship will of course be his as he mingles with religious persons in the regular activities of the church, but true spiritual fellowship will be hard to find. But he should not expect things to be otherwise. After all he is a stranger and a pilgrim, and the journey he takes is not on his feet but in his heart. He walks with God in the garden of his own soul - and who but God can walk there with him? He is of another spirit from the multitudes that tread the courts of the Lord's house. He has seen that of which they have only heard, and he walks among them somewhat as Zacharias walked after his return from the altar when the people whispered, "He has seen a vision."

The truly spiritual man is indeed something of an oddity. He lives not for himself but to promote the interests of Another. He seeks to persuade people to give all to his Lord and asks no portion or share for himself. He delights not to be honored but to see his Savior glorified in the eyes of men. His joy is to see his Lord promoted and himself neglected. He finds few who care to talk about that which is the supreme object of his interest, so he is often silent and preoccupied in the midst of noisy religious shoptalk. For this he earns the reputation of being dull and overserious, so he is avoided and the gulf between him and society widens. He searches for friends upon whose garments he can detect the smell of myrrh and aloes and cassia out of the ivory palaces, and finding few or none, he, like Mary of old, keeps these things in his heart.

It is this very loneliness that throws him back upon God. "When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up." His inability to find human companionship drives him to seek in God what he can find nowhere else. He learns in inner solitude what he could not have learned in the crowd - that Christ is All in All, that He is made unto us wisdom, righteousness, sanctification and redemption, that in Him we have and possess life's summum bonum.

Two things remain to be said. One, that the lonely man of whom we speak is not a haughty man, nor is he the holier-than-thou, austere saint so bitterly satirized in popular literature. He is likely to feel that he is the least of all men and is sure to blame himself for his very loneliness. He wants to share his feelings with others and to open his heart to some like-minded soul who will understand him, but the spiritual climate around him does not encourage it, so he remains silent and tells his griefs to God alone.

The second thing is that the lonely saint is not the withdrawn man who hardens himself against human suffering and spends his days contemplating the heavens. Just the opposite is true. His loneliness makes him sympathetic to the approach of the brokenhearted and the fallen and the sin-bruised. Because he is detached from the world, he is all the more able to help it. Meister Eckhart taught his followers that if they should find themselves in prayer and happen to remember that a poor widow needed food, they should break off the prayer instantly and go care for the widow. "God will not suffer you to lose anything by it," he told them. "You can take up again in prayer where you left off and the Lord will make it up to you." This is typical of the great mystics and masters of the interior life from Paul to the present day.

The weakness of so many modern Christians is that they feel too much at home in the world. In their effort to achieve restful "adjustment" to unregenerate society they have lost their pilgrim character and become an essential part of the very moral order against which they are sent to protest. The world recognizes them and accepts them for what they are. And this is the saddest thing that can be said about them. They are not lonely, but neither are they saints.

Strange yet Familiar

2006-05-19T10:16:00.000+08:00

Strange things often happen in my shower/ bathroom.

No, I don't mean horrifying strange things. I mean the kind of situations where one goes into the shower with one kind of mindset and emerge from it with a totally different one.

Let me explain.

I do a lot of thinking in the shower. Way too much, I think. There must be something about being in an enclosed area, undressed before no one but God, that immediately stimulates my mind to overdrive in a "supernatural" way.

To put it simply, God speaks to me in the shower. A lot. Profoundly too. And in many occassions I have found this to be a pervailing pattern. I cannot explain this phonomenon, I sure didn't stage it in any way. Heck, I don't even think about it much, but numerous times throughout the years, many an important decision was sealed in the bathroom. And it is not like I take forever to conduct my business (usually it's 10 mins, 20 mins max) . I guess Moses had his burning bush, and I have my bathroom. (Moses had a rod too, what am I supposed to do with the shower head???)

As I see it, God is sovereign, so He can speak to us any way He chooses. In my case, it may not be the most common method to communicate, but it rings with a tone of loud familiarity. It is a tone that is easily recognisable by the person to whom it is addressed. Man, do I hear it!

So yesterday, while I was down in bed the entire day with a severe nausea and headache (suspect it's anaemia aggravated by menstruation), I called the girls to cancel our Bible study. I could not get up from bed / chair without a splitting headache and fainting. Life sucked.

After that I went into the shower and wow, like immediately when I latched the door shut, a strong thought came, "...by faith Abel, ... Enoch... Noah... etc". That was followed by another, "it is not by flesh, nor circumstances, but by faith..."

I could not allow my physical condition to assail my commitment to God. No way. I decided to go ahead, and if I faint, then I faint. But at least I have done what I should have.

So I conducted the study. Man, the headaches were terrible. By the time the study ended, I was almost vomitting and about to faint. The girls had to send me home in my own car.

Was it worth it?

Yes.

Was it stupid?

My mom thinks so.

Dear God, people say I try too hard to live for You. That may be true, but I am not one who takes chances in these matters. If I die tomorrow, I sure want to hear the familiar voice again, but this time saying "Well done My faithful servant..."

A Bit(e) of Italy

2006-05-13T15:48:00.001+08:00

I am not exactly a fan of Italian food, but given time and practice, I may just turn out to be one. Had some great Italiano at Buono Sera in SS2 Petaling Jaya. Good food, good company, good service and dessert to die for... mammamia!

Australian Rock Melon with cured Italian Parm ham. Appetizer not easily found in these parts...

Rosemary Chicken. The taste of fresh herbs permeated every part of the meat. My bro's favourite.

Seafood Spaghetti. Check out the giant shrimp and mussels. Has a wonderful homemade flavour.

Pork Sausages. One of the better ones I've tasted in a while.

My favourite - dessert! Homemade tiramisu with chocolate pot and vanilla ice-cream and rum & raisin gelato

Created for Something

2006-05-12T14:54:00.000+08:00

So I rediscovered the meaning of shopping. And it is while I was filling up the first aid kit for the car. Strange that such a simple excursion would bring so much... satisfaction. Maybe it was the mental gymnastics trying to figure out what to put inside the box. Maybe it's because I know them things would serve a valuable function when needed. It is the assigned purpose for which each element in the box is created.

Kinda like humans.

Can only find fulfillment in knowing and doing what we have been created for.

Carlisle Remembered

2006-05-12T11:03:00.000+08:00

A friend from Carlisle visited recently. He came with his mom to attend a wedding. We met for a meal and some sightseeing, and he brought me up to speed with some updates of the people I know and places I frequented. Looks like things have changed (as they would, for sure) in this town (or city, as Carlisleans call it), but mostly the place remains recognisable still.

St Paul's. My church for two years. Pastor Alan was quite a "happening fellow".

Streetshops: Never bought anything from this street...

Franco's: Walked past it every day, but never had the chance to eat there - could ill-afford it.

Market Square. Where I hungout every day during lunchtime, just to get a sense of having a crowd around me. Pathetic, I know...

Outside WH Smith: Summer blooms in full force. Took pix for my mom.

Different Kinda Hot

2006-05-11T02:04:00.000+08:00

The first time I had authentic Szechuan (I hadn't known the ones I had before weren't the real McCoy), I started to palpitate. But it wasn't because I wasn't warned ... t'was more like I didn't believe that I could be outdone by some lame excuse for chilly from some province in China. Or so I thought. Well, we know where unbelief brings you. There weren't much sensation when I first ate the fishball cooked in super hot "mala" soup (the red soup with berries - actually different kinds of Szechuan chillies - floating on it), but a few seconds later, this sudden gush of piercing sensation shot right up my head. My heart started to beat fast and then, wildly. The pressure in my head felt like a reverse hangover, like someone twisted my neck and forced my head to pop. If you particularly like this kinda rush, then check out the Szechuan cuisine at Eric Paradise in Hartamas Shopping Centre. Make sure you tell the kitchen to prepare it hot and full strength.

Hot Pot set

Dessert - Mango pudding with sago and pomelo

Aftermath

Unplanned Conversation

2006-05-08T14:35:00.000+08:00

Something unexpected happened today. I was talking to a new client over the phone during lunchtime, and the conversation went a totally unplanned direction.

It all started with me asking an innocent question:

MY: Hey, are you local?

Client: I am as Malaysian as can be, born and bred in this country. My great grandfather was a Scot though, and he brought the education system to Malaysia.

MY: Wow! What a rich heritage!

Client: Yeah, I am Chinese, and look very Chinese. How about you, eh?

MY: Well, according to my deceased uncle, my grandfather was escaping the authorities after killing someone in China. That's how he ended up in Malaysia and started a family.

Client: Wow, your grandparents still around?

MY: Nah, my grandma was the last survivor of that generation, and she died a couple years back.

Client: Sorry to hear that.

MY: It's ok, I will see her in heaven though.

Client: You a christian?

MY: Yeah, how about you?

Client: My dad is. I am a buddhist.

MY: What a coincidence. I was a buddhist before I became a christian. Looks like we've got reverse situations between us.

Client: Really? So how did you become a christian?

MY: (Shares an overview of the journey to faith)...

Client: No way, I can;t believe it... it sounds like a faitytale!

MY: Yeah, it does, doesn't it? But the thing is... it is TRUE...

Client: In that case, we'd better stop you from coming to our office *giggle* we don't want to get 'converted' *laughs* just kidding, ok? I am looking forward to develop a good working relationship with you, and also to get to know you as a person.

MY: Hey, same here. Really looking forward to working with you too.

Dear God, thanks for all those opportunities from time to time, and please continue to open my eyes and ears (and guide my speech!) so that in my clumsiness I don't screw up what You are already working on.

To move or not to move?

2006-05-03T21:15:00.000+08:00

I had been losing sleep over this issue with my church lately. Should I move or should I stay? What is God saying (or NOT saying)? Should i just be content and "comfortable"? Living my life quietly and minding my own business? What is God's take?

Questions, questions....

Sibling Talk

2006-05-03T20:50:00.000+08:00

Why do people have discourses? I dunno, but I sure am going to ask my brother (the Discourse King) about it one day when I get myself untangled from our conversations. To be honest, it's kinda fun talking to my bro, and the multi-way conversation between the family usually tapers off to a dialogue between siblings. We would be the last two people taking differing positions on the same issue. (My family, with the exception of my dad sometimes, don't have much of an opinion on / could not really be bothered - much - with most things that irk me).

The state of national education, the Da Vinci Code, Prosperity Gospel... anything to the price of beans. Once we got started, it would heighten to a debate, which would least interest the family pet fish but nevertheless necessary coz as much as I hate to admit it, my bro has a logical mind (which I congenitally lack) that I hope would sharpen my deficiencies by regular contact.

Has it worked? I really don't know. But I do know that I am in awe logically-inclined people. Namely coz I am not one. But I think God is fair. My brother doesn't daydream that well, so his life has somewhat less hues than mine. Hah.

Mutual Influence

2006-04-09T13:15:00.000+08:00

I have my friend Blanche to thank for introducing me to European cinema. (She's the one with shades in the photo, taken at the Edinburgh Jazz Festival).

I was a HK & Hollywood film junkie before Blanche came into my life. Met her on the street one day and we just caught on like dry sticks to bonfire. She was studying textile, but much preferred fine art and wasn't really sure what she would do with her degree.

We spent most weekends scouring the library dry renting every piece of European film we could lay our hands on. Never mind we could not understand what was spoken (thank God for subtitles!), it felt close to heaven just soaking in the ambience from the 14-inch noisebox at home, which became a ritual of sorts after a while. We were living and breathing films and even had people over to share the obsession, although some of them petered out after a while.

My first European movie was White from Kieslovsky's classic epic Three Colours. Had a strange feeling after watching it, and then I wanted more. And more. Discussions would ensue after each viewing and it got more intense and stimulating over time.

Blanche and I parted when I left England for good after finishing my 2-year commitment with a Christian organisation. The day before I left, she stayed over for the night and helped me pack. As my transport to the airport arrived, we hugged and said goodbye. She watched me get in the vehicle and I looked as she disappeared around the corner.

Whilst I grew to appreciate the depth, realism and stark reality often portrayed in independant films, Blanche, the last I heard, has gone back to Hong Kong (her birthplace) and enrolled in a Bible seminary. She is now working with young people trying to find their place and meaning in this world.

Happy Food

2006-04-08T22:28:00.000+08:00

Aaah... check these out. Had a meal with some friends at The Rakuzen in KL. (clockwise starting at 12: Sashimi, Dragon Roll, Beef slices, Salad, Hotate)

Bento

Dessert

The entire meal was 3 hours long, plus dessert. By the time the bento arrived, we were stuffed silly and unable to consume even one more morsel. Happy but satisfied, I left the restaurant, only to spend another 3 hours in Dome with a longtime friend discussing deity and religion.

Aaah... a day well spent!