Lately unschooled

I often wondered what they teach kids at schools. Today I had a sneak preview. In fact, Joyce, this 8-year-old daughter of a friend, had sneaked up on me and pipped a question about geometry. Which was great, considering I had a consistent record of failing miserably in all manner of mathematics - applied or implied.

Joyce was undeterred.

"Jie-jie, do you know what a vertex is?"

"Do you mean a vortex?" I asked.

"No, no, it's a vertex. Can you tell me where the vertex is?" she opened a textbook that revealed an array of different geometric shapes, their names and descriptions.

"I have never heard of a vertex, are you sure it is part of your lesson?"

"Yes!" she thundered, getting impatient. "How come my teacher knows what it is and you don't??" A hint of exasperation there.

"Tell you what, Joyce," I said, "we'll google it, go to wikipedia and sort the entire thing out in 2 minutes, ok?"

One minute later, two other adults joined in to decipher the wikipedia explanation. "In 3D computer graphics, the a vertex is a point in 3D space with a particular location, usually given in terms of its x, y, and z coordinates. It is one of the fundamental structures in polygonal modelling... etc."

"OK, Joyce," I cooed in my most assuring tone,"don't sweat it. We now only have to find out what a polygonal model is, and then we will know what a vertex is all about! Easy, right?"

"But my teacher knows it and it is very simple! Why can't you explain it to me???? I just need to know where (in relation to the diagram) it is...!"

"Be patient, Joyce, ok, here is the explanation for a polygonal model.... (blah, blah)..."

By this time, all three adults were staring at the computer screen trying to crack the polygonal code. It may as well have been in hieroglyphics.

Joyce meanwhile, has disappeared from the room. (Maybe she finally decided that she wasn't going to waste her youth talking to baloney-spewing bozos, albeit articulate ones.)

When she returned, she opened another textbook which showed in great detail the different shapes, their names, and what each line and edge and corner is called. And there, there was the mighty vertex, in full view and in unmissable, distinct wording.

"Nah," she said, "look at the book. It says the vertex is the pointed tip of a cone or a pyramid (which traditionally points to the sky)." Satisfied, she finished her homework and went her merry little way, leaving us adults in a wake of incredulous shame.

I need an aspirin. Or go back to school.

Aspirin. Less tormenting.