It's Chinese New Year and my phones haven't stopped ringing! Relatives, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends... the killer calls are the ones from a couple time zones apart, waking you up with enthusiastic "Xin Nien Huai Le"s while you grope around trying to place the receiver on your ear.
If that doesn't prove a health hazard, the monster eating sprees would soon settle that score. Food, food and more food! Increasingly, Chinese New Year has become an excuse to just pig out shamelessly (and thereafter forking out another bundle of moola to gorge our bodies in super slimming therapies to rid the guilt). How much more decadent can we get?
Anyways, I didn't eat much this year coz I was still recovering from flu, plus the fact that I wasn't in the mood for celebration. I've got a couple of angpows though, so that's not too bad. And I could see some good things happening - three of my aunts have responded positively to me taking them to church next Sunday (I hadda wrench them out from their very tight weekend mahjong schedule). I mean, these are aunts who had seen how impossibly bratty and spoiled I was as a young child.... so I guess they wanna check out just what kinda institution could "religionise" a person like me. Whatever.
Today I gotta get stuff from the market so we could cook for a deluge of relatives coming tomorrow, on top of my cousin and his girlfriend who's staying overnight tonight. I love having people around the house (so long as they don't try to matchmake me).
This being the lunar Year of the Canine really brings back wistful
memories of my three dachsunds, all of whom died in the same year. Two were run over by cars, and one died of old age. There were many visits to the vet and I wished I had known about dog insurance back then. Just that pet insurance wasn't very popular. These days, people are more market-savvy and would definitely shop around and compare to settle for the best pet insurance in town.
But hey, Chinese New Year is the time for celebration, rejoicing and of course the big feast!!! And who knows, I may recover and get myself Dachshund #4.
Monday, January 30, 2006
Weekend Rant
Conversation between two friends.
MY: It's the year of the dog. That means it's "our year". We are old farts.
BT: But we have been old farts longtime ago, buddy.
MY: True, but I sure didn't feel like one till... ok, till I had that darned carpal tunnel flipping syndrome, ok? At least I thought I was still immortal...
BT: ...till the delusions dissipated. Wake up, woman! We are old, old! In medieval times we would have had grandkids at our age.
MY: In medieval times we would have died from childbirth, too. Or worse, from some bubonic plague and childbirth. I dunno which is worse - dying young, bloodstained and naked with bad skin, or dying old with botox and bad skin.
BT: Either way you still die.
MY: Yeah, but I sure want to make my life count! I mean, I am an old fart and still haven't done all I am supposed to do!
BT: Aren't you supposeda wait for God's timing?
MY: Easy for you to say! You're not the one in stucksville (or should it be "sucksville") wondering if you'll ever go out to frontline missions again!
BT: As far as I know, Abraham waited plenty years before heading out to the unknown yonder.
MY: Excuse me, Abraham also had plenty of property, not to mention camels and whatever animal-stock while on his wandering circuit.
BT: So now you want some camels?
MY: Very funny... but come to think of it, a new set of wheels wouldn't hurt...
BT: But would it help?
MY: I guess not. (Beat.) No amount of material possession would, not when it is merely used as a substitute for a deeper hunger. Thing is, I have been out of action for 5 years. And that's a mighty long time! I've been waiting for open doors all these while and... I am tired! I will get old and frail and unable to be of any use anymore!
BT: Hmmm...for that, I think God will imprison you a while longer.
MY: I really hate talking to you...
Dear God, when I get impatient, help me to understand that ultimately, it's not my will nor desires that matter.
Sunday, January 15, 2006
Relinquishing Control
I have only responded to altar calls in my new church ("new" as in the present one I am attending, of which I had become a member of, and am currently worshipping in) two times.
Number 1 happened years ago when I was hopelessly lost and drifting in a sea of confusion after an upheaval of faith. Number 2 happened today. It was a simple message, a call to go to missions, and it basically spoke to every part of me. Usually I would be sceptical and wary of making an emotional response (especially during altar calls), but today, none of those things came to mind as I got out from my seat and ran the distance to the front of the stage. There was no conflict or whatever of that sort as I whizzed past the aisle. All I was thinking was: "I really want to be prayed for... I am commiting myself to this thing, come what may... and if I perish, I perish... so help me God."
As I got out, I saw that I was the only person out there. In a congregation of 2,000 people, I was the only person in front, where every pair of eyes (that'll be 4,000 eyeballs, thanks for the math) were watching. Great job Michelle, always ending up being a spectacle when it is least desired. Anyways, it was too late to pull back (nor did I intend to), so I walked right up to the front of the stage and basically avoided looking at the musicians right in front of me, just in case I find them staring back.
Thankfully, some other people trickled in after that. One guy I've seen several times in church came and stood beside me. When I saw him I instinctively gave him two thumbs up. He reciprocated. (Must have been a sight, two people in full view of the entire congregation giving each other finger signals.)
Some people prayed for me (two ladies, to be specific). I got prayed for by a second lady coz I didn't leave the altar after the first prayer (I didn't know I was supposed to).
So, this is it. The entire thing is basically in God's hands. My arms still hurt, but heck, I'll take pain over loss of sensation anyday. I am so thankful my hands are still functioning, if somewhat painfully. Some people don't even have that luxury.
Number 1 happened years ago when I was hopelessly lost and drifting in a sea of confusion after an upheaval of faith. Number 2 happened today. It was a simple message, a call to go to missions, and it basically spoke to every part of me. Usually I would be sceptical and wary of making an emotional response (especially during altar calls), but today, none of those things came to mind as I got out from my seat and ran the distance to the front of the stage. There was no conflict or whatever of that sort as I whizzed past the aisle. All I was thinking was: "I really want to be prayed for... I am commiting myself to this thing, come what may... and if I perish, I perish... so help me God."
As I got out, I saw that I was the only person out there. In a congregation of 2,000 people, I was the only person in front, where every pair of eyes (that'll be 4,000 eyeballs, thanks for the math) were watching. Great job Michelle, always ending up being a spectacle when it is least desired. Anyways, it was too late to pull back (nor did I intend to), so I walked right up to the front of the stage and basically avoided looking at the musicians right in front of me, just in case I find them staring back.
Thankfully, some other people trickled in after that. One guy I've seen several times in church came and stood beside me. When I saw him I instinctively gave him two thumbs up. He reciprocated. (Must have been a sight, two people in full view of the entire congregation giving each other finger signals.)
Some people prayed for me (two ladies, to be specific). I got prayed for by a second lady coz I didn't leave the altar after the first prayer (I didn't know I was supposed to).
So, this is it. The entire thing is basically in God's hands. My arms still hurt, but heck, I'll take pain over loss of sensation anyday. I am so thankful my hands are still functioning, if somewhat painfully. Some people don't even have that luxury.
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Meaning in Pain
Executioners of that day drove their spikes through the wrist, right thru the carpal tunnel that houses finger-controlling tendons and the median nerve. It is impossible to force a spike there without crippling the hand into a claw shape. Jesus had no anesthetic. He allowed those hands to be marred and crippled and destroyed. (In His Image, Dr Paul Brand)
It is good to be able to type again, no matter how briefly it may be. Heck, it is good just to feel the keys on the (newly-installed, 2nd-hand) ergonomic keyboard. After weeks of being misdiagnosed with carpal tunnel syndrome/ arthritis/ fibromyalgia; I am glad to be back in action, thanks to my mother who took really good care of me. She should consider a career in nursing.
Pain is a terrible thing. Or it can be a wondrous gift, depending on which perspective one happens to be swaying towards. On one hand, it is a situation no one wants to encounter but which everyone does, in one form or another. No one is exempt. Pain visits your body, emotions and mental faculties, gnawing where it matters and leaving a trail of vivid memories.
But is there meaning to pain?
Ah... the age-old medical question! In physical terms, pain is an in-built human mechanism that naturally triggers a warning when something goes wrong with our bodies, or when certain areas need attention. Talk to a leprosy patient and he will tell you how he wished he could feel pain. I know because I shook the right stump (what had remained of his hand) of one such person and saw the shocked reaction on his face. I guess he didn't see that gesture coming at him. He had lost his left arm, some parts of his face and his right palm because he was unable to feel pain.
In fact, pain is a gift that not many people appreciate nor ask for. Many would seek explanation for medical issues associated with it, and the lucky ones will find a diagnosis. Others live with it. And sometimes it goes on for years. Ask me why a loving God would allow His children to suffer and I definitely would not be able to answer satisfactorily. But note: It is exactly the love that is God that allowed the cruelty of the cross - raw, non-edited, on-your-face. It is something the natural mind finds hard to comprehend. It is grasped by faith, a total reliance and belief on a Person and on that Person alone.
It is good to be able to type again, no matter how briefly it may be. Heck, it is good just to feel the keys on the (newly-installed, 2nd-hand) ergonomic keyboard. After weeks of being misdiagnosed with carpal tunnel syndrome/ arthritis/ fibromyalgia; I am glad to be back in action, thanks to my mother who took really good care of me. She should consider a career in nursing.
Pain is a terrible thing. Or it can be a wondrous gift, depending on which perspective one happens to be swaying towards. On one hand, it is a situation no one wants to encounter but which everyone does, in one form or another. No one is exempt. Pain visits your body, emotions and mental faculties, gnawing where it matters and leaving a trail of vivid memories.
But is there meaning to pain?
Ah... the age-old medical question! In physical terms, pain is an in-built human mechanism that naturally triggers a warning when something goes wrong with our bodies, or when certain areas need attention. Talk to a leprosy patient and he will tell you how he wished he could feel pain. I know because I shook the right stump (what had remained of his hand) of one such person and saw the shocked reaction on his face. I guess he didn't see that gesture coming at him. He had lost his left arm, some parts of his face and his right palm because he was unable to feel pain.
In fact, pain is a gift that not many people appreciate nor ask for. Many would seek explanation for medical issues associated with it, and the lucky ones will find a diagnosis. Others live with it. And sometimes it goes on for years. Ask me why a loving God would allow His children to suffer and I definitely would not be able to answer satisfactorily. But note: It is exactly the love that is God that allowed the cruelty of the cross - raw, non-edited, on-your-face. It is something the natural mind finds hard to comprehend. It is grasped by faith, a total reliance and belief on a Person and on that Person alone.
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