Relinquishing Control

I have only responded to altar calls in my new church ("new" as in the present one I am attending, of which I had become a member of, and am currently worshipping in) two times.

Number 1 happened years ago when I was hopelessly lost and drifting in a sea of confusion after an upheaval of faith. Number 2 happened today. It was a simple message, a call to go to missions, and it basically spoke to every part of me. Usually I would be sceptical and wary of making an emotional response (especially during altar calls), but today, none of those things came to mind as I got out from my seat and ran the distance to the front of the stage. There was no conflict or whatever of that sort as I whizzed past the aisle. All I was thinking was: "I really want to be prayed for... I am commiting myself to this thing, come what may... and if I perish, I perish... so help me God."

As I got out, I saw that I was the only person out there. In a congregation of 2,000 people, I was the only person in front, where every pair of eyes (that'll be 4,000 eyeballs, thanks for the math) were watching. Great job Michelle, always ending up being a spectacle when it is least desired. Anyways, it was too late to pull back (nor did I intend to), so I walked right up to the front of the stage and basically avoided looking at the musicians right in front of me, just in case I find them staring back.

Thankfully, some other people trickled in after that. One guy I've seen several times in church came and stood beside me. When I saw him I instinctively gave him two thumbs up. He reciprocated. (Must have been a sight, two people in full view of the entire congregation giving each other finger signals.)

Some people prayed for me (two ladies, to be specific). I got prayed for by a second lady coz I didn't leave the altar after the first prayer (I didn't know I was supposed to).

So, this is it. The entire thing is basically in God's hands. My arms still hurt, but heck, I'll take pain over loss of sensation anyday. I am so thankful my hands are still functioning, if somewhat painfully. Some people don't even have that luxury.