I am blown away.
After being "highly recommended" by a friend to be the Asst. to the President in this missions publishing organisation in Colorado Springs, USA, my weekend turned into a roller coaster ride!
First there was the enthusiasm of my friend who of course, to some degree rubbed off on me. Secondly, I had to reply the query from CO Springs and renovate my CV to be sent off. But mostly, it was the intrusion of my home routine that shattered my momentum. I had been at home 6 years, all these while wishing I would somehow be out in global missions again. I had sunk deeper and deeper in the freelance work-church searching quagmire. I had lived for the future all these years - waiting, hoping, praying for the ONE chance to get myself into missions once again. And then I arrived at some conclusion... I had almost given up hope. I had decided to "be all here" back home. I had decided to be centered. Mebbe I am supposed to be spending the remainder of my life back home in a limbo. Mebbe all that God had done and invested in me are meant to be lived in obscurity back home. Sigh...
Suddenly KAPOW! Co Springs happened.
My radar started to light up. Is this a calling? Being assistant to the President is certainly not a job for the unfettered and frisky me, but the other opening of Writer / Editor post is right up my alley. Dare I hope again?
So the weekend was spent thinking, praying, wondering. Mostly wondering. I sent in my CV, it was the most honest and lucid one I authored. I wanted to debunk any myths about me being over-qualified just in case my friend had oversold me. It is better to come clean on the onset than allow people to second-guess.
Close friends (people who know me, me) expressed caution. They feel an ENFP like me should be working directly with people and ideas. For me, the matter is out of my hands. I am praying that if it be God's will, that He opens the doors. If not, then I am happy to take 'no' for an answer.
Waiting.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Monday, November 19, 2007
There are no accidents...
Uncanny.
Two-and-a half hours ago my friend Josephine died from lung cancer. She had been in pain for a long time. Finally, she has found her rest in Jesus. At about the same time, I just finished blogging about death (see previous post). Mere coincidence? The Creator of the Universe holds the reins of time and space in His hands. Nothing escapes His attention.
Jo leaves behind her two girls and husband James. They were my friends from church and used to open their house for small group gatherings. We had been out of touch for a while, but the bond remains.
The sting of death has been removed, but numbing loss kicks in. I mourn.
Two-and-a half hours ago my friend Josephine died from lung cancer. She had been in pain for a long time. Finally, she has found her rest in Jesus. At about the same time, I just finished blogging about death (see previous post). Mere coincidence? The Creator of the Universe holds the reins of time and space in His hands. Nothing escapes His attention.
Jo leaves behind her two girls and husband James. They were my friends from church and used to open their house for small group gatherings. We had been out of touch for a while, but the bond remains.
The sting of death has been removed, but numbing loss kicks in. I mourn.
Lessons from a Ciku Tree
I woke up this morning to the fresh, crisp, dewy air and the green of the lush, leafy ciku tree outside my window. It is more than 10-years old. The fruits are in full bloom, the tree peppered with hundreds of little brown fruit. Most of them are in different stages of fruition - some are merely budding, others are ready to fall from their stems to the next stage of decay.
I thought about death.
Seriously, that is not a distant prospect where my parents are concerned. What a horryfying, bewildering and sobering thought - all in the same instant! I wonder how I am going to handle the situation when it happens. I am afraid of my own unpreparedness. Would I be helpless, lonely and pathetic? Would I continue to trust God and obey Him? Would I, faced with my own mortality, succumb to the fear that has plagued men since Adam?
Hard to say. This article from John Piper sheds some perspective into the matter. Knowing how to live and knowing how die sums up the lifework of the one who believes in Christ and desires to live for Him. As it is, it is challenging enough trying to live a Christ-filled life. What more learning how to die in a Christ-glorifying manner?
I look at the ciku tree in my garden. For all its different seasons - fruitfulness and barrenness, and those that are in between, it never really took a lot of effort to grow... the elements took care of that. And when it is time to die, the tree will do just that. Its purpose spent, its presence had brightened the earth in its duration of life.
The Creator of the Universe, same Person who created the tree, will also tenderly help me to expire when my time is done on earth. The hows-and-whens are merely details. He will determine the time, location and procedure - all elements weaved by His powerful hands.
My ciku tree looks like it still has many good, sturdy and fruitful years ahead of it. And God willing, if I were to have the same, may those years be characterised by deep roots, strong branches and bushy leaves where fruits are aplenty in its season; and where birds can find shelter.
For me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. - Paul, the Apostle
I thought about death.
Seriously, that is not a distant prospect where my parents are concerned. What a horryfying, bewildering and sobering thought - all in the same instant! I wonder how I am going to handle the situation when it happens. I am afraid of my own unpreparedness. Would I be helpless, lonely and pathetic? Would I continue to trust God and obey Him? Would I, faced with my own mortality, succumb to the fear that has plagued men since Adam?
Hard to say. This article from John Piper sheds some perspective into the matter. Knowing how to live and knowing how die sums up the lifework of the one who believes in Christ and desires to live for Him. As it is, it is challenging enough trying to live a Christ-filled life. What more learning how to die in a Christ-glorifying manner?
I look at the ciku tree in my garden. For all its different seasons - fruitfulness and barrenness, and those that are in between, it never really took a lot of effort to grow... the elements took care of that. And when it is time to die, the tree will do just that. Its purpose spent, its presence had brightened the earth in its duration of life.
The Creator of the Universe, same Person who created the tree, will also tenderly help me to expire when my time is done on earth. The hows-and-whens are merely details. He will determine the time, location and procedure - all elements weaved by His powerful hands.
My ciku tree looks like it still has many good, sturdy and fruitful years ahead of it. And God willing, if I were to have the same, may those years be characterised by deep roots, strong branches and bushy leaves where fruits are aplenty in its season; and where birds can find shelter.
For me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. - Paul, the Apostle
Monday, November 12, 2007
Pleading the Fifth
A weird sense of deja vu swept over me as I sat on the sofa between my mom and dad tonight. There I was, with bible resting on my lap waiting for the service to start while my parents, with their cool composure and the rare word exchanged between them, gazed passively in front. Their eyes hardly met.
You could have shot me, but the scenario was exactly the same one fateful day back in 1998. The location was different, so was the furniture and circumstances... but the level of dysfunction was the same - my parents were in the midst of an uneasy truce which had characterised most of their married life (at least as much as this kid could recall) as they were seated together waiting for an evangelistic dinner to begin.
That night my parents gave their lives to Jesus.
Today, almost a decade later, they were still unable to let go of the major parts of their differences that had plagued their marriage. Sad, but true.
Tonight as we sat on the sofa and listened to the sermon, my dad and mom responded. Pretty much the same way as they did 9 years ago. They seemed to have taken positively to the teaching on sin, forgiveness and letting go of past hurts and tresspasses. They went out for prayer.
The cynic in me would dismiss this as another passing flight of fancy on my parents' part, but the hopeless optimist inside still wants to hang on to the little shred of hope there. I believe God has an active plan and purpose for people like my parents - aged 70, stubborn, opinionated and quite impossible to talk to sometimes.
We shall see.
On my part, I just have to remember, remember and remember the Fifth Commandment - honour your father and mother that you may live long in the land your Lord God had given you.
OK, ok, ok.
You could have shot me, but the scenario was exactly the same one fateful day back in 1998. The location was different, so was the furniture and circumstances... but the level of dysfunction was the same - my parents were in the midst of an uneasy truce which had characterised most of their married life (at least as much as this kid could recall) as they were seated together waiting for an evangelistic dinner to begin.
That night my parents gave their lives to Jesus.
Today, almost a decade later, they were still unable to let go of the major parts of their differences that had plagued their marriage. Sad, but true.
Tonight as we sat on the sofa and listened to the sermon, my dad and mom responded. Pretty much the same way as they did 9 years ago. They seemed to have taken positively to the teaching on sin, forgiveness and letting go of past hurts and tresspasses. They went out for prayer.
The cynic in me would dismiss this as another passing flight of fancy on my parents' part, but the hopeless optimist inside still wants to hang on to the little shred of hope there. I believe God has an active plan and purpose for people like my parents - aged 70, stubborn, opinionated and quite impossible to talk to sometimes.
We shall see.
On my part, I just have to remember, remember and remember the Fifth Commandment - honour your father and mother that you may live long in the land your Lord God had given you.
OK, ok, ok.
Swipe of Mercy
It was not as if I was going to pray about the matter. I've had enough. Nine-and-a-half months of playing nurse and maid to my mom's hyperchondria finally took its toll. The strain was showing in cracked and tensed family relationships. Not good. Not good at all. Since nobody did anything to improve the situation... and I had exhausted all avenues, I decided on one course of action - move out. And there I was, plotting and planning on how to set up office in the new location, stuff to buy, etc etc... when in one swift swipe of mercy, my plans were derailed.
My mom came into my room. We had a talk. First one in a long, long time where we actually talked and she did not dodge the real issues. We struck a deal - she will seek counselling and return to church / cell group, whereas I will continue to stay at home and help her through her new decision.
God again reminded me of what He told me 6 years ago... that I should be back for my family. It was no coincidence either that I was teaching Titus Chapter 2 this week, where in this gem of an epistle, Paul wrote to his protege on the instructions for various groups in the church. For the women, the younger ones in particular, Paul emphasized a primary calling to build, nurture and nourish their families. Our homes are a vital part of our calling and witness to the world.
But it is not easy. It is never easy to live Christ, especially in your own family. Nevertheless, God's grace is sufficient.
So my mom and dad will go for counselling tonight (yay) and we shall see what God will do in the days ahead.
My mom came into my room. We had a talk. First one in a long, long time where we actually talked and she did not dodge the real issues. We struck a deal - she will seek counselling and return to church / cell group, whereas I will continue to stay at home and help her through her new decision.
God again reminded me of what He told me 6 years ago... that I should be back for my family. It was no coincidence either that I was teaching Titus Chapter 2 this week, where in this gem of an epistle, Paul wrote to his protege on the instructions for various groups in the church. For the women, the younger ones in particular, Paul emphasized a primary calling to build, nurture and nourish their families. Our homes are a vital part of our calling and witness to the world.
But it is not easy. It is never easy to live Christ, especially in your own family. Nevertheless, God's grace is sufficient.
So my mom and dad will go for counselling tonight (yay) and we shall see what God will do in the days ahead.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
A Race to Run
I had time. So much time. In fact for the past couple weeks, all I had been doing had been (gasp!) letting time slip past my grip as I fretted and got frustrated. I had hit a rough patch and there seemed to be no getting out. As the condition deteriorated, I sank deeper into my own fabricated thoughts... thoughts of uselessness and wasted opportunities. Thoughts of what could have been. Thoughts of just forgetting what I had believed in thus far and concentrate on catching up with the trappings of life. I wondered who will take care of me in my old age... of retirement. Of accumulation of immediate pleasures. I wanted to just for once, think only about myself and my own interests.
Wow.
It is dangerous where your thoughts can lead you.
Some people have asked me what I expect out of Christian life. (I honestly dunno what kinda question that is, but I guess if it is asked, it somewhat deserves an answer). I actually thought long and hard. Obvious 'benefits' like eternal life / heaven aside, Christian living... or authentic Christian living, for most part, is risky, sacrificial, has no guarantee of success and basically drives one to what constitutes an early grave. History attests to those who had been tortured, killed, quartered and suffered mostly for what they treasured as the imperishable belief in an invisible God.
We are pilgrims passing thru'...
My answer, I guess, is not PR-polished. It may even sound cliche. but then again, in our weary world of media overload... what isn't?
I want to finish my race well. Life is just too darned short to be spent on something else. But my problem is, I may not always know what makes a good runner. And I keep making mistakes. I wonder how many times I can get up again, dust off the dirt and keep running. Poets say we weave the tapestry of life. I say... just let me reach the finish line with faith still intact.
Jesus, running is not my second nature, I am sure you know that. Following you is risky. But if ever there was a race worth running, it is because you promised to be there too. That makes all the difference.
Wow.
It is dangerous where your thoughts can lead you.
Some people have asked me what I expect out of Christian life. (I honestly dunno what kinda question that is, but I guess if it is asked, it somewhat deserves an answer). I actually thought long and hard. Obvious 'benefits' like eternal life / heaven aside, Christian living... or authentic Christian living, for most part, is risky, sacrificial, has no guarantee of success and basically drives one to what constitutes an early grave. History attests to those who had been tortured, killed, quartered and suffered mostly for what they treasured as the imperishable belief in an invisible God.
We are pilgrims passing thru'...
My answer, I guess, is not PR-polished. It may even sound cliche. but then again, in our weary world of media overload... what isn't?
I want to finish my race well. Life is just too darned short to be spent on something else. But my problem is, I may not always know what makes a good runner. And I keep making mistakes. I wonder how many times I can get up again, dust off the dirt and keep running. Poets say we weave the tapestry of life. I say... just let me reach the finish line with faith still intact.
Jesus, running is not my second nature, I am sure you know that. Following you is risky. But if ever there was a race worth running, it is because you promised to be there too. That makes all the difference.
Monday, October 08, 2007
My Way or His Way
Life hardly goes the way it is expected, yeah? I am glad. Or else there will be very little room for adventure and anticipation.
The trip to Chiangmai had all the makings of a tour holiday - inland guided tours operated by agents, eating local food, getting around the city getting (partially) fleeced by songtheaw* drivers and wandering around the streets in a truly touristy manner clad in our bermudas and sneakers.
Lai Peng was the super tourist maxxing out on her time and budget. I was the laidback antagonist who wanted nothing better than just sitting down having a chat over a drink with anyone I could grab. Not such a fantastic combo. But we managed without tearing each other's hair out.
The highlight of the trip (actually it became a highlight only today, after the arrival of an email) was getting re-connected with a friend. My friend is a missionary whom I met 4 years ago while she was still attached to an organisation in KL. We met briefly, had a deep connection and parted ways when she went off to seminary and then abroad. We never kept in touch. Then, to my utter suprise, it turned out she was staying just a few doors away from my host in Chiangmai!
We exchanged stories and brought each other up to speed on our respective lives. We really only had a couple hours' worth of real conversation, as the rest of the trip had been one activity after another. Actually the trip had been good for me, I met so many missionaries and it really reminded me of the years I was doing cross-cultural missions abroad. I missed those times and yearned for them. In fact, I lived most of my years in KL after 2001 wanting to go back to the field and longed to "be of service to God" in that manner again. I saw myself as a field material person, and was already prepared to die in my assigned field.
But that was naught to be. At least not for now.
After I got back from Chiangmai, I received a missive from this friend. What she wrote really touched my heart in places I didn't expect. The email read:
" Dear Michelle, it was a real surprise to see you in Chiang Mai too. Now I really believe that God led us to know each other 4 years ago, and that was not a coincidence. Through your sharing it has brought me the confirmation that I am here is not for mistake. This is part of His divine plan in my life. Because recently I have been asking God that why am I here and is this is a mistake of my choice or....?????? Thanks Michelle for bringing the comfort for my heart."
Suffice to say, I have been challenged and silenced (again) by the quiet ways of the Lord. I had my mind and heart set on returning to the field, God showed me He had better use of me elsewhere - though He is not telling me where and when. Yet. It is a hard pill to swallow. It is not really that I should dictate terms in the service of God. It is His work, to be done His way, in His time and at His pleasure.
May we all, Lord, be found doing what gives You most pleasure.
The trip to Chiangmai had all the makings of a tour holiday - inland guided tours operated by agents, eating local food, getting around the city getting (partially) fleeced by songtheaw* drivers and wandering around the streets in a truly touristy manner clad in our bermudas and sneakers.
Lai Peng was the super tourist maxxing out on her time and budget. I was the laidback antagonist who wanted nothing better than just sitting down having a chat over a drink with anyone I could grab. Not such a fantastic combo. But we managed without tearing each other's hair out.
The highlight of the trip (actually it became a highlight only today, after the arrival of an email) was getting re-connected with a friend. My friend is a missionary whom I met 4 years ago while she was still attached to an organisation in KL. We met briefly, had a deep connection and parted ways when she went off to seminary and then abroad. We never kept in touch. Then, to my utter suprise, it turned out she was staying just a few doors away from my host in Chiangmai!
We exchanged stories and brought each other up to speed on our respective lives. We really only had a couple hours' worth of real conversation, as the rest of the trip had been one activity after another. Actually the trip had been good for me, I met so many missionaries and it really reminded me of the years I was doing cross-cultural missions abroad. I missed those times and yearned for them. In fact, I lived most of my years in KL after 2001 wanting to go back to the field and longed to "be of service to God" in that manner again. I saw myself as a field material person, and was already prepared to die in my assigned field.
But that was naught to be. At least not for now.
After I got back from Chiangmai, I received a missive from this friend. What she wrote really touched my heart in places I didn't expect. The email read:
" Dear Michelle, it was a real surprise to see you in Chiang Mai too. Now I really believe that God led us to know each other 4 years ago, and that was not a coincidence. Through your sharing it has brought me the confirmation that I am here is not for mistake. This is part of His divine plan in my life. Because recently I have been asking God that why am I here and is this is a mistake of my choice or....?????? Thanks Michelle for bringing the comfort for my heart."
Suffice to say, I have been challenged and silenced (again) by the quiet ways of the Lord. I had my mind and heart set on returning to the field, God showed me He had better use of me elsewhere - though He is not telling me where and when. Yet. It is a hard pill to swallow. It is not really that I should dictate terms in the service of God. It is His work, to be done His way, in His time and at His pleasure.
May we all, Lord, be found doing what gives You most pleasure.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Chiangmai
Yes, Chiangmai here we come! In less than 24 hours, LP and myself will be eating lunch there with our friend Elisha. Not really excited, but kinda looking forward to it. I would prefer a more relaxed break, but LP wants to do everything and anything within our 8-day trip. Oh well...
Things in the itinerary - trekking, temples, tribal visits, kayaking (?), eating, lepak-ing. At some point I would like to join the Wycliffe people and suss out their work too. We shall see. Elisha picks us up from the airport and the lepak-ing will start immediately.
Things in the itinerary - trekking, temples, tribal visits, kayaking (?), eating, lepak-ing. At some point I would like to join the Wycliffe people and suss out their work too. We shall see. Elisha picks us up from the airport and the lepak-ing will start immediately.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
O' Little Child
Moon Len got safely married yesterday. It was a casual dinner at Mum's Place in Damansara Perdana. Nice and cozy. The only people I know there - besides the bride's family - were my high school buddy Mee Yee and her husband. Food, drinks and lotsa chatting going on. And of course, we behaved just like we would when we were 15 years old. Given, we have all grown very different in our professional and domestic lives, each going through our own paths for the past 22 years, but when we got together, it was Form 3 all over again. Bunch of bratty yakking schoolgirls! (I feel sorry for the husbands... for what they had to endure).
School friends represent a part of us that never really dies, no matter how deep the years try to bury those memories. It was a time where the concerns of money, career, and family were seen through the other side of worry. How innocent those days were, and how much more we should treasure them - not as a bygone era of naiveity, but as a time where we were at our truest uninhibited selves, brandishing our dreams and waiting to soar.
And how much more we need to remember, that in each of our mature and old(er) selves that little child never dies.
Threesome
Minus the bride...
School friends represent a part of us that never really dies, no matter how deep the years try to bury those memories. It was a time where the concerns of money, career, and family were seen through the other side of worry. How innocent those days were, and how much more we should treasure them - not as a bygone era of naiveity, but as a time where we were at our truest uninhibited selves, brandishing our dreams and waiting to soar.
And how much more we need to remember, that in each of our mature and old(er) selves that little child never dies.
Threesome
Minus the bride...
Thursday, September 20, 2007
One Trip Too Many...?
I finally did it.
Told Sook Ching I am willing to be part of the November Myanmar mission trip should anyone drops out. Should that come to pass, this will be my 2nd short-term mission trip, and fourth trip abroad this year! Shikes... no wonder I am broke! Anyway, no one has dropped out yet, so I am kinda "safe" for the moment.
Been re-reading Tozer's "Born After Midnight". Great stuff. Tells you how you are the sum of all your voluntary thoughts, ie, thoughts that come to mind when you are free to think of whatever you want. How astute.
I've been thinking a lot about life. The brevity of it. And lately, I just can't seem to focus my thoughts on God, especially after the "drugging session" of two weeks staying in bed due to the flu. I was so zonked that I could not really orientate my mind to the stuff at hand, even a week after stopping the antibiotics. This is terrible. They should ban those stuff, or shoot people who propagate them!
So here I am back to the grind... Bible study classes every weekend, a wedding coming up, stories to finish, people to catch up with and... housechores! Dreaming of settling down in Toronto, walking down Younge St and generally vegging out.
I miss my friends in Toronto, Vancouver, Virginia. England. Nepal. I miss those heady missions days. I miss backpacking. Miss throwing caution to the wind and packing up at a moment's notice. Miss the first flush of wonder at the discovery of a new place. Night busses. Hostel lockers. Friendly strangers.
God! Is this what happens at mid-life????
Told Sook Ching I am willing to be part of the November Myanmar mission trip should anyone drops out. Should that come to pass, this will be my 2nd short-term mission trip, and fourth trip abroad this year! Shikes... no wonder I am broke! Anyway, no one has dropped out yet, so I am kinda "safe" for the moment.
Been re-reading Tozer's "Born After Midnight". Great stuff. Tells you how you are the sum of all your voluntary thoughts, ie, thoughts that come to mind when you are free to think of whatever you want. How astute.
I've been thinking a lot about life. The brevity of it. And lately, I just can't seem to focus my thoughts on God, especially after the "drugging session" of two weeks staying in bed due to the flu. I was so zonked that I could not really orientate my mind to the stuff at hand, even a week after stopping the antibiotics. This is terrible. They should ban those stuff, or shoot people who propagate them!
So here I am back to the grind... Bible study classes every weekend, a wedding coming up, stories to finish, people to catch up with and... housechores! Dreaming of settling down in Toronto, walking down Younge St and generally vegging out.
I miss my friends in Toronto, Vancouver, Virginia. England. Nepal. I miss those heady missions days. I miss backpacking. Miss throwing caution to the wind and packing up at a moment's notice. Miss the first flush of wonder at the discovery of a new place. Night busses. Hostel lockers. Friendly strangers.
God! Is this what happens at mid-life????
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Back to Life
Alright. I came back with vengeance today. Woke up really early, drove myself to Taman Tun Park for some mean morning exercise, went wet marketing, returned home to cook for my niece before she left for school, washed my car, sneakers, did the laundry and some housechores - all before noon! Good, good! At least I am putting that injured / pained / weak hand to use again, and of course I wanna see how far I can stretch it.
Now that the chores are outta the way, it's back to work again... gotta conjure up this story on Vietnamese Coffee Culture for Flavours. Shikes! And I haven't started! AND there's this other piece to spice up for Weekender... Sigh, how many ways can you jazz up a dry, flat, boring story? Sometimes I wonder if I could really stop writing (no, I don't think so... it's just too much a part of me, and I s-t-i-l-l enjoy it.)
So I am probably not going to be that famous and dedicated writer in glasses sitting in front of a typewriter with a cigarette butt sticking outta her mouth and stained coffee mug nearby (this was the strange notion I had of myself while growing up); but minus the cigarette, typewriter and famous parts, I think I've come pretty close.
There. Life is not perfect and CTS still sucks, but it is still darned good compared to what comes in second.
Brewing some Vietnamese.
Now that the chores are outta the way, it's back to work again... gotta conjure up this story on Vietnamese Coffee Culture for Flavours. Shikes! And I haven't started! AND there's this other piece to spice up for Weekender... Sigh, how many ways can you jazz up a dry, flat, boring story? Sometimes I wonder if I could really stop writing (no, I don't think so... it's just too much a part of me, and I s-t-i-l-l enjoy it.)
So I am probably not going to be that famous and dedicated writer in glasses sitting in front of a typewriter with a cigarette butt sticking outta her mouth and stained coffee mug nearby (this was the strange notion I had of myself while growing up); but minus the cigarette, typewriter and famous parts, I think I've come pretty close.
There. Life is not perfect and CTS still sucks, but it is still darned good compared to what comes in second.
Brewing some Vietnamese.
Monday, September 17, 2007
Two Months
August and September were months of extremes, if you ask me. Firstly there was the sense of a post-mission low after 3 glorious weeks in Port Dickson and Hanoi leading the OM team. It was a great, although unevnetful trip where 'grand action' was concerned. We were instructed to play tourists whilst we had prepared to dig trenches. Oh well...
Then there was of course, there was my adopted father's visit from Virginia Beach for almost a week. A totally shameless 'makansutra' outing. The binge continued with my birthday bash(es). This yeah was tremendous! I was eating non-stop with friends, family and more friends! (The last meal is lunch tomorrow with my buddy... almost one month after my actual birthdate!). I am truly blessed.
Then came the lowpoints. I had fallen ill. Was in bed for 12 days, drugged and drugged again. Not fun. Anymore sleeping and bedsores will peek outta my skinpores! Sigh. A-n-d then, my left arm started acting up... nerve pain! Yikes. This time round it had all the classic symptoms of CTS and freaked me out big time. I was walking around with a bent elbow and clawed hand, probably resembled the person who inspired Frankenstein had it not been already written. Great.
So today I am taking it easy (again!). Sigh... hasn't worked much since August and September's gonna be over soon. Next week I will be in Chiangmai and won't be back till Oct for a shoot.
Life continues...
Then there was of course, there was my adopted father's visit from Virginia Beach for almost a week. A totally shameless 'makansutra' outing. The binge continued with my birthday bash(es). This yeah was tremendous! I was eating non-stop with friends, family and more friends! (The last meal is lunch tomorrow with my buddy... almost one month after my actual birthdate!). I am truly blessed.
Then came the lowpoints. I had fallen ill. Was in bed for 12 days, drugged and drugged again. Not fun. Anymore sleeping and bedsores will peek outta my skinpores! Sigh. A-n-d then, my left arm started acting up... nerve pain! Yikes. This time round it had all the classic symptoms of CTS and freaked me out big time. I was walking around with a bent elbow and clawed hand, probably resembled the person who inspired Frankenstein had it not been already written. Great.
So today I am taking it easy (again!). Sigh... hasn't worked much since August and September's gonna be over soon. Next week I will be in Chiangmai and won't be back till Oct for a shoot.
Life continues...
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Back!
Yay, I can blog again!!!!!!
I cannot believe I survived so long without.
My blogger ran into an error snag since erm... July in Hanoi when I tried to post, and since then the flurry of unending activities (travel, guests, sickness, etc) kept me busy - really busy - until now. So, thanks to Allan (who fixed the error in my blogger) I am now back in action!!!!
(Allan, in the meantime has gone to LaLa Land... methinks the all the hard work fixing up blogger has gotten the best of him...)
So now, there are lots to catch up on...
... in the next posts.
I cannot believe I survived so long without.
My blogger ran into an error snag since erm... July in Hanoi when I tried to post, and since then the flurry of unending activities (travel, guests, sickness, etc) kept me busy - really busy - until now. So, thanks to Allan (who fixed the error in my blogger) I am now back in action!!!!
(Allan, in the meantime has gone to LaLa Land... methinks the all the hard work fixing up blogger has gotten the best of him...)
So now, there are lots to catch up on...
... in the next posts.
Thursday, July 05, 2007
Kicked Out
Two days ago, I went for my last bible class. It was final. I was getting kicked out. There was no way they would let me back in after being absent for three times consecutively; not even when the reason of my absence was to lead a mission team abroad.
The Bible Study Fellowship is a superb study, and what worked for me was the sense of discipline it instilled during my 7-year study with them. Every week for 7 years I would go to the lecture and get the notes. Every day of those years I would be doing homework on a particular passage or text.
Unbeknownst to me, those days, weeks and years of study were really very foundational building blocks in spiritual growth. I wouldn't really trade them for anything.
So in a way it is good for me to leave the class, in order to make way for many on the waitlist whom are trying to get in and enjoy the privilege of studying and understanding God's truth for themselves.
And it is also time for me to teach and share what I have gained.
The Bible Study Fellowship is a superb study, and what worked for me was the sense of discipline it instilled during my 7-year study with them. Every week for 7 years I would go to the lecture and get the notes. Every day of those years I would be doing homework on a particular passage or text.
Unbeknownst to me, those days, weeks and years of study were really very foundational building blocks in spiritual growth. I wouldn't really trade them for anything.
So in a way it is good for me to leave the class, in order to make way for many on the waitlist whom are trying to get in and enjoy the privilege of studying and understanding God's truth for themselves.
And it is also time for me to teach and share what I have gained.
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Avner Complex.... not!
Shikes.
Double shikes.
Methinks that's really all I can say about not blogging for ...(gasp!) almost two weeks since the last post! Other than the fact that not much has happened - my hard disk with all those wonderful Tokyo pixs can't be posted coz there was a connection flaw; the wound where they stitched up my arm after the surgery spawned into a huge, fat caterpillar scar (my friend suspects its coz of the Vit E), my arm - nerve injury returned; I suddenly had a deluge of jobs (good news for paying off Hanoi trip); I discovered I had an eyelash allergy; watched Fantastic Four and Transformers (the latter was surprisingly entertaining); and both my toilets need fixing.
Oh yeah, I finished George Jonas' "Vengeance" in two days. Pageturner it was, at least for me. Even after I had watched the Spielberg version months before; about a hit team led by "Avner", sent to hunt and assasinate the terrorists whom the Mossad were convinced had perpetrated the Munich Olympic massacre in 1972.
Strange that in a twist of circumstances, the book should end up in my hands. It actually belonged to a friend who loaned it to his friend, who incidentally kept it for a long, long time before returning it when her employment ended. From one hand to another, the book was passed to me. I happened to have some time to kill while waiting for my car to be serviced and opened it. Once I started, there was no stopping. Until two days later, that is...
What captivated me, more than the intrigue of international espionage, was the blow-by-blow account of the Munich massacre - the brutality and spine-chilling account of how the Israeli athletes were slain... the evil face of terrorism - and later, the paradoxical concept of retaliation by the "victims" themselves. Terrorism, counter-terrorism... are they any different? Doesn't both sides comprise people with the same fears, dedication and weaknesses?
To a micro extent, it drew me back to my task at hand. Hanoi. The thought that occupied me mostly was how to get everyone there and back in one piece. To tell the truth, this thought concerned me more than "what kind of impact" we were going to make there. That I leave to God. Tell me my focus is wrong, or that I am not trusting enough, etc etc... but what really concerns me is that I am taking some people to a strange place and I am in a way responsible for their safety.
Of course, I know that all will turn out as purposed (Rom 8:28) and a good understanding of that purpose is necessary to ease the taut between the tensions.
As the day draws nearer, I find myself, eager, and yet unprepared. Though I have prepared all I possibly could. I have told people a million times that a flexible attitude is the greatest asset. Yet to what extent should I allow flexibility? What kinda decisions would I be making when we are out there, decisions that could affect another person's life? What kind of mistakes are deemed too costly?
Wisdom, yes. Courage, I need plenty.
On one hand, this could be seen as a girl scouts' outing. But as it is, nothing is ever what it seems on the surface. God's ways are not man's ways. There is a sudden rush even as I type this, a feeling of that hint of the unexpected, the danger, the risk; and yet knowing that God will not allow more than what we can bear. Would I be a good leader? I really dunno, hey, I am just doing this because I was asked to volunteer, ok?
Whatever happens- good, bad, ugly - one thing is for sure. We are all moving one step nearer to understanding the call and destiny in Christ.
How we get there.... is another story for another post in the future.
Double shikes.
Methinks that's really all I can say about not blogging for ...(gasp!) almost two weeks since the last post! Other than the fact that not much has happened - my hard disk with all those wonderful Tokyo pixs can't be posted coz there was a connection flaw; the wound where they stitched up my arm after the surgery spawned into a huge, fat caterpillar scar (my friend suspects its coz of the Vit E), my arm - nerve injury returned; I suddenly had a deluge of jobs (good news for paying off Hanoi trip); I discovered I had an eyelash allergy; watched Fantastic Four and Transformers (the latter was surprisingly entertaining); and both my toilets need fixing.
Oh yeah, I finished George Jonas' "Vengeance" in two days. Pageturner it was, at least for me. Even after I had watched the Spielberg version months before; about a hit team led by "Avner", sent to hunt and assasinate the terrorists whom the Mossad were convinced had perpetrated the Munich Olympic massacre in 1972.
Strange that in a twist of circumstances, the book should end up in my hands. It actually belonged to a friend who loaned it to his friend, who incidentally kept it for a long, long time before returning it when her employment ended. From one hand to another, the book was passed to me. I happened to have some time to kill while waiting for my car to be serviced and opened it. Once I started, there was no stopping. Until two days later, that is...
What captivated me, more than the intrigue of international espionage, was the blow-by-blow account of the Munich massacre - the brutality and spine-chilling account of how the Israeli athletes were slain... the evil face of terrorism - and later, the paradoxical concept of retaliation by the "victims" themselves. Terrorism, counter-terrorism... are they any different? Doesn't both sides comprise people with the same fears, dedication and weaknesses?
To a micro extent, it drew me back to my task at hand. Hanoi. The thought that occupied me mostly was how to get everyone there and back in one piece. To tell the truth, this thought concerned me more than "what kind of impact" we were going to make there. That I leave to God. Tell me my focus is wrong, or that I am not trusting enough, etc etc... but what really concerns me is that I am taking some people to a strange place and I am in a way responsible for their safety.
Of course, I know that all will turn out as purposed (Rom 8:28) and a good understanding of that purpose is necessary to ease the taut between the tensions.
As the day draws nearer, I find myself, eager, and yet unprepared. Though I have prepared all I possibly could. I have told people a million times that a flexible attitude is the greatest asset. Yet to what extent should I allow flexibility? What kinda decisions would I be making when we are out there, decisions that could affect another person's life? What kind of mistakes are deemed too costly?
Wisdom, yes. Courage, I need plenty.
On one hand, this could be seen as a girl scouts' outing. But as it is, nothing is ever what it seems on the surface. God's ways are not man's ways. There is a sudden rush even as I type this, a feeling of that hint of the unexpected, the danger, the risk; and yet knowing that God will not allow more than what we can bear. Would I be a good leader? I really dunno, hey, I am just doing this because I was asked to volunteer, ok?
Whatever happens- good, bad, ugly - one thing is for sure. We are all moving one step nearer to understanding the call and destiny in Christ.
How we get there.... is another story for another post in the future.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Hiccup-ed
Shikes.... I had not blogged since coming back from Tokyo... have a good reason for it too - I got an external disk to store all my stuff but there was a connection problem with the port and I could not get it to work... AND all my photos are inside! So... since I've somehow gotten the thing to work, there will be some furious blogging coming up soon. (Yeah, yeah, yeah...)
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Living in a Fishbowl
Less than a week ago, I met my cousin at the wet market. I needed her help to choose a yam for a pork dish I was making, and hence looked her up at the meat section. My cousin is in her 50s, has three grown-up kids and helps her butcher husband at his stall.
We got talking. She asked me about what I had planned for the future. "Have you set some savings aside to at least buy yourself a house or somewhere to stay in?" she asked, concerned that I would grow old and end up on the streets.
"Nope. I don't worry much about these things..."
She gasped, "No, no... you m-u-s-t prepare for it," she insisted, and continued to tell me the benefits of property ownership when suddenly, she stopped herself short.
"Oh, I forgot that you are a Christian," she said. Then she continued, "and therefore you have a different direction in life. You are preoccupied with something else..."
She seemed pretty satisfied as she concluded her own opinion about me, and did not push the matter any further.
I was gobsmacked. I had never talked to her about my faith, as we never really had the chance to talk to each other over the years, despite staying relatively closeby. So I was surprised she said what she did.
Boy, you'll never know who's watching you.
We got talking. She asked me about what I had planned for the future. "Have you set some savings aside to at least buy yourself a house or somewhere to stay in?" she asked, concerned that I would grow old and end up on the streets.
"Nope. I don't worry much about these things..."
She gasped, "No, no... you m-u-s-t prepare for it," she insisted, and continued to tell me the benefits of property ownership when suddenly, she stopped herself short.
"Oh, I forgot that you are a Christian," she said. Then she continued, "and therefore you have a different direction in life. You are preoccupied with something else..."
She seemed pretty satisfied as she concluded her own opinion about me, and did not push the matter any further.
I was gobsmacked. I had never talked to her about my faith, as we never really had the chance to talk to each other over the years, despite staying relatively closeby. So I was surprised she said what she did.
Boy, you'll never know who's watching you.
Friday, May 18, 2007
Serious Blessing
When God blesses, the unbelievable happens.
Just Tuesday afternoon, a bright and sunny day at that, my friend Crystal called up and asked, "Hey, you wanna go Japan next week?" I went like, "Huh? You mean eat at a Japanese restaurant, right?" She said, "No. Do you want to go to Japan next week?"
I was still in a blur. I mean, how do you respond to a question like that? Besides, I was mired deep in work, re-drafting scripts and profiles, cooking, going to the wet market, doing the housewife gig...sigh.
"So do you want to go or not?" Crystal jolted me back into reality... "We can go watch the premiere of Pirates of the Carribean 3!"
"What??????" I almost shouted over the phone. "Premiere? In Tokyo? Holy Flip! YES!!!"
Turned out Crystal won the grand prize of the Buena Vista-Channel V contest, so both of us are going to the Nippon Budokan to watch Pirates 3, all expenses paid plus Tokyo tour thrown in and meeting the filmmakers and actors in person. Wow!
All that happened at 3pm. Ninety minutes later, I was the last person at the immigration counter renewing my passport. I was 5 minutes late and had to plead and beg them to process my passport that day itself. They did. Then it was a flurry of activities to apply for the visa, plan the trip, reschedule my work, etc etc.
I didn't sleep much for the next two days. This is a serious blessing from God. The visa didn't cost me anything, I discovered Disney has sponsored the entire trip and we needn't worry about a thing! The package tour included accommodation at the 5-Star New Otani Hotel, a day's tour of the city and of course, the red carpet premiere with the main cast of Pirates along with moghul producer Jerry Bruckheimer. Then there is the River Cruise Dinner after the premiere! The entire trip would have cost us more than RM9k each and now we are only paying RM700++ per pax for the airport tax and insurance!
I think I can die.
Just the last couple months there has been steadily mounting pressure from home. Mom fell sick and slipped into hyperchondria, my family seemed to be falling apart in terms of communication and getting along with each other. I started to take care of my mom and to cook. Dad's temper grew from worse to intolerable. Everyone had extra things to do and we are not really taking it too gallantly, I admit. Just when things threathened to boil over, Japan burst into the scene.
My take? God knows our needs, and He knows how much we can take. He knows what we are made of. Just as I was about to break, God came in with a wonderful, unexpected surprise in the form this trip. How He cares! There is no doubt that His hand is in my life - through the crappy times and the good ones. I serve a wonderful, caring and intimate God Who cares deeply and gives the right gifts at the right time.
So now I am furiously printing namecards (gotta pass one to Bruckheimer when I get the chance!), changing money, getting my work stuff outta the way so I can go next week! Not planning to buy anything coz it is too expensive, but definitely gonna take loads of pictures!
How we wish our friends Ivy and Gracey can come with us too!!!!! (They had to work and there were only tickets for two). But they wished us well and asked us to buy a tonne of stuff for them when are there. :)
So there! In less than 48 hours we would be onna plane heading East. Excited. But still got work finish off... and people to meet before flying off.
Life is good.
Because God is great.
Just Tuesday afternoon, a bright and sunny day at that, my friend Crystal called up and asked, "Hey, you wanna go Japan next week?" I went like, "Huh? You mean eat at a Japanese restaurant, right?" She said, "No. Do you want to go to Japan next week?"
I was still in a blur. I mean, how do you respond to a question like that? Besides, I was mired deep in work, re-drafting scripts and profiles, cooking, going to the wet market, doing the housewife gig...sigh.
"So do you want to go or not?" Crystal jolted me back into reality... "We can go watch the premiere of Pirates of the Carribean 3!"
"What??????" I almost shouted over the phone. "Premiere? In Tokyo? Holy Flip! YES!!!"
Turned out Crystal won the grand prize of the Buena Vista-Channel V contest, so both of us are going to the Nippon Budokan to watch Pirates 3, all expenses paid plus Tokyo tour thrown in and meeting the filmmakers and actors in person. Wow!
All that happened at 3pm. Ninety minutes later, I was the last person at the immigration counter renewing my passport. I was 5 minutes late and had to plead and beg them to process my passport that day itself. They did. Then it was a flurry of activities to apply for the visa, plan the trip, reschedule my work, etc etc.
I didn't sleep much for the next two days. This is a serious blessing from God. The visa didn't cost me anything, I discovered Disney has sponsored the entire trip and we needn't worry about a thing! The package tour included accommodation at the 5-Star New Otani Hotel, a day's tour of the city and of course, the red carpet premiere with the main cast of Pirates along with moghul producer Jerry Bruckheimer. Then there is the River Cruise Dinner after the premiere! The entire trip would have cost us more than RM9k each and now we are only paying RM700++ per pax for the airport tax and insurance!
I think I can die.
Just the last couple months there has been steadily mounting pressure from home. Mom fell sick and slipped into hyperchondria, my family seemed to be falling apart in terms of communication and getting along with each other. I started to take care of my mom and to cook. Dad's temper grew from worse to intolerable. Everyone had extra things to do and we are not really taking it too gallantly, I admit. Just when things threathened to boil over, Japan burst into the scene.
My take? God knows our needs, and He knows how much we can take. He knows what we are made of. Just as I was about to break, God came in with a wonderful, unexpected surprise in the form this trip. How He cares! There is no doubt that His hand is in my life - through the crappy times and the good ones. I serve a wonderful, caring and intimate God Who cares deeply and gives the right gifts at the right time.
So now I am furiously printing namecards (gotta pass one to Bruckheimer when I get the chance!), changing money, getting my work stuff outta the way so I can go next week! Not planning to buy anything coz it is too expensive, but definitely gonna take loads of pictures!
How we wish our friends Ivy and Gracey can come with us too!!!!! (They had to work and there were only tickets for two). But they wished us well and asked us to buy a tonne of stuff for them when are there. :)
So there! In less than 48 hours we would be onna plane heading East. Excited. But still got work finish off... and people to meet before flying off.
Life is good.
Because God is great.
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
Selective Memory
"How can it be..." asked Gracey, "that you can remember Bible verses, but cannot even recall what I told you couple days back?" We were both sitting in her car, on our way to a slumber night on the eve of Labour Day holiday.
I suppose I am getting old. And old (ok-ageing) people have decaying grey matter. And it's a matter of time before one becomes really selective of things to retain in that cranium cavity of limited storage capacity.
"Well," I began, "I think I have..."
"Selective memory" we both chorused. And laughed.
It is true. As my brain groans under the pressure of information overload, it goes into automatic overdrive and keeps only what it thinks is important. OK, what I think is important.
So I need to be reminded of appointments as they get nearer, I forget where I left my things and I am kinda generally absent-minded about the nitty-gritty of daily life... all at the expense of attempting to be sharp and incisive in slicing and dividing the Word of Truth.
It is a wonderful trade-off.
I suppose I am getting old. And old (ok-ageing) people have decaying grey matter. And it's a matter of time before one becomes really selective of things to retain in that cranium cavity of limited storage capacity.
"Well," I began, "I think I have..."
"Selective memory" we both chorused. And laughed.
It is true. As my brain groans under the pressure of information overload, it goes into automatic overdrive and keeps only what it thinks is important. OK, what I think is important.
So I need to be reminded of appointments as they get nearer, I forget where I left my things and I am kinda generally absent-minded about the nitty-gritty of daily life... all at the expense of attempting to be sharp and incisive in slicing and dividing the Word of Truth.
It is a wonderful trade-off.
Monday, April 30, 2007
Good Kinda Thickening...
"I never saw Genesis quite that way before," Allan said last Saturday, during the end of our year-long study on the first book of the Bible. It was a year of postponed studies, missed appointments and arguements over discussions. It was also a year filled with attempts to study God's word in a disciplined manner; of fellowship and of bonding.
How quickly that year passed.
So when I posed the question, "Do you guys wanna continue studying the Bible?" it was met with an enthusiastic "Yes!" But... I said... if we were to continue into Year 2, they would not have it so easy any longer. They were threathened with MORE homework, which of course, meant heavier preparation on my part.
LP and Allan each took like 5 seconds to vote "aye". I really wanted to pat them on their backs and congratulate them. It has not been an easy year, and just to make time for Bible study was a challenge every week. Both had super-duper work commitments which took them away for hours and hours. And when they are finally free over the weekend, Bea's family commitments had to be juggled and thrown into the mix. Not easy indeed.
So, now we are on to Year 2. Just like that. We will inductively study the book of Philemon before going to The Life of Moses (Exodus - Deuteronomy).
Then all of a sudden, another friend expressed interest to join the study and even offered to open up her house for it! Hmmm... the plot thickens... but some thickening are of the good kind. :)
How quickly that year passed.
So when I posed the question, "Do you guys wanna continue studying the Bible?" it was met with an enthusiastic "Yes!" But... I said... if we were to continue into Year 2, they would not have it so easy any longer. They were threathened with MORE homework, which of course, meant heavier preparation on my part.
LP and Allan each took like 5 seconds to vote "aye". I really wanted to pat them on their backs and congratulate them. It has not been an easy year, and just to make time for Bible study was a challenge every week. Both had super-duper work commitments which took them away for hours and hours. And when they are finally free over the weekend, Bea's family commitments had to be juggled and thrown into the mix. Not easy indeed.
So, now we are on to Year 2. Just like that. We will inductively study the book of Philemon before going to The Life of Moses (Exodus - Deuteronomy).
Then all of a sudden, another friend expressed interest to join the study and even offered to open up her house for it! Hmmm... the plot thickens... but some thickening are of the good kind. :)
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