It's Never Easy

You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain… Exodus 20:7

Something somewhere in that half-sentence really made me feel uneasy. In vain… in vain… what does that mean? As my little engine upstairs started whirling out the possibilities, I told myself, “calm down woman, this ain’t the first time you are hearing this message anyways, so don’t get worked up.”

Thing is, the adult MY Chan, insubstantial as she is, is always self-assured, confident, has a devil-may-care attitude and loves fun. The other MY Chan, formless but more authentic, is the obese girl growing up in the uncertain 80s who didn’t know where she was going nor what she should do. In fact, she’s panicking now because she thinks she screwed up again, and don’t know if God’s gonna (at best) be mildly angry with her, or (at worst) strike her into a nicely charbroiled piece of roast.

In any event, she needs to talk to Him.

MY: Er, hi God… gulp… Sir.

God: Hi there, my child. I’ve missed you.

MY: Yeah, I know… I am sorry, it’s my fault. I wasn't spending enough time with You and doing the things I should. In fact, I can’t seem to be able to do anything right.

God: You have already been made right with me through My Son, Jesus.

MY: Yeah, I know, but … I still say and do things that are stupid and inappropriate about a great deal of things, I should have just shut my trap and…

God: Uh-huh…

MY: And today I had this terrible thought. My mind played back the many times I've talked about You flippantly. It has never bothered me that much before. I don't even know why I feel guilty now... but I do. (Eyes lowered to the floor…)

God: What do you want Me to do for you?

MY: I don't want You to do anything for me! (Looks up) I wanted to do something for You, and the more I try, the harder it gets! I especially hate traffic jams because it makes me lose my cool and I start to yell Your Name, as if You had anything to do with it! (Pause) Do You have a cure for this ailment?

God: (Smiles) I do. Are you ready to take it?

MY: I would like to, Sir. But I am afraid of what that would involve...

God: Nothing I haven't paid for.

MY: (Quietly) Which means...?


God then came close to MY, took her in His arms and held her to His chest for a long, long time. She felt the deep scars where the shredded flesh once were. Her hands touched a gaping hole on His side where the sword pierced. And she saw the holes on His hands and feet. Rusty nails. So close now, she heard His heart thudding in even beats and suddenly a cracking sound.

It was breaking for her humanity.



God wrote the Ten Commandments. But He also died on the cross to help me keep them.