Can't Go

Oh no. Everytime - well, most of everytime - I read a missive of sorts from a missionary, I feel it should have been me out there. Me going and not staying. What's wrong with me? I have been home almost 5 years and I should be settled! Should be thinking about furthering my career, getting married, building a retirement fund, getting on with life, etc. But here I am, thinking how to get back to the field and resisiting my own thoughts at the same time! Talk about mental torture... aaaaargh...