Retreat Journal 5

Day 5 (Dec 31)

9.00am - wokeup & breakfast

9.30am - reading

11.00m - cleanup

11.30am - talk to Crys

1.00pm - Lunch

Things are winding down on the last day of my self-imposed retreat. All things unchanged, I have reached a decision. I am not going to Colorado Springs. I gotta write to tell the missions organisation that they can stop talking to their lawyers and accountants, stop working on the work permit, and stop making queries to the US immigration and Malaysian US Consulate. And they can keep the company car too. In a way I feel bad I have to tell them this - what a damper on all the buildup over the past few weeks.

But I believe it is the right decision.

CONCLUSION
The basis of the decision did not hinge upon the cost of going, where the funds would come from, whether my health could take it, how much I would be "missed" by family and friends, or any personal cost of such a move. I guess I am never much of a practical person when it comes to these details.

The sole basis of my decision is the belief that God has called me to study and teach His word. I am not called to any geographical location nor to any particular people. I am just called to be faithful in doing what I feel is of most importance right now. And despite being fortunate enough to have been gifted in several areas, I see the most valuable and critical contribution in studying, teaching and expounding doctrine of instruction to body of believers. It hasn't been so clear until now.

So I will stay and continue to freelance and also integrate witness and work. And trust a trustworthy God Who provided and continues to do so.